Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Empathy

This week I tackle the misconception that autistics can't feel empathy.

Like me on Facebook:

Like OCF on Facebook:

[ThoughtProvokingVlogs]

Sympathy is emotional empathy (ironically). But empathy is cognitive empathy. To be sympathetic is to mean you feel, and understand one's pain; Whereas being empathetic means you only understand someone's pain, but you cannot feel it with them.

At least, according to merriam-webster.

Even more ironically, however, is that other sources say that empathy is feeling someone's pain and understanding their pain; Whereas SYMPATHY is only understanding someone's pain and not feeling their pain.

One thing is for certain then according to this and is one of those two words define both understand and feeling and the other only allows you to understand how the other is feeling

[MKUSecondGeneration]

Not going to lie, I'm very happy that I found your videos. I'm dating someone who is autistic and it can be frustrating. At least I'll have a better understanding.

[katzikat]

My coping mechanism is, when someone tells me something sad is "that's so sad.", while also saying that in a saddened and worried voice.

Doesn't have to work for every autistic person, it's just something that helps me.

[MayroSMM]

Glad I watched this. I don't really know if I have autism or not. When I was younger I was tested and apparently I wasn't, but now apparently people seem very convinced that I am. I remember going to see someone about it and they told me that I wasn't able to feel empathy. I didn't understand. Of course I can feel empathy. I've often been called selfish even though I'd like to think I'm the exact opposite. Misconceptions are a pain.

[sailorspaghetti]

People tend to be surprised by the fact that I'm hyperempathetic when I can interpret how a person is feeling. If somebody is upset or hurting, it distresses me to a point where I sometimes have to remove myself in order to avoid making the other person feel worse. (This is especially the case if it's somebody I care about.) It's not relating to the other person's emotions that's the problem - it's determining how the other person feels in the first place. And I'm sure I'm not the only autistic who deals with this.

[SynthApprentice]

"Autistic people such as myself actually have a pretty easy time putting themselves in other people's shoes... if those other people are also Autistic."

And if those other people wear the same size shoes, of course.

[bluegrassbaby]

It's not that I don't care about what other people are feeling, but it's just that I have trouble understanding, or I think they will react the way I do. For example, when I see someone who is upset, I will try to give them a plushie because that's what helps me a lot of times, but it falls horribly flat with NT's if they are not plushie collectors. It is basically that I try and treat people like I'd want to be treated, but I guess I need different things from them. And I have a hard time feeling rejected when they don't accept the plushie I try to give them. Is this stupid?

[sheritraenkenschuh]

I've been married to an autistic man for 33 years and just realized he was autistic. I always knew he was different but back then he was labeled as ADHD. It wasn't until our granddaughter was diagnosed as autistic that I realized that not only was my husband autistic, but so were my daughters. Wow! That explained a lot. Now I'm learning everything I can about autism so I can understand better my family's way of thinking. I seriously almost divorced my husband because of his melt downs and what I viewed as unfeeling behavior. In hindsight I'm understanding so much more of his past reactions. So thanks for the insight. I guess it's better late than never for this old neuro-typical woman.

[AbigailBGnath]

You have explained empathy beautifully and very articulately. 😃

[leannestrong]

I am on the spectrum, and it honestly really crushes me to feel that people don't feel like I care how they feel, when in actuality, I care very deeply about this! People do affect me on a very deep level. I think that more than anything, it's a communication issue that makes it harder for me to show this.

[davidmorris]

I'm an autistic and my boyfriend showed me your videos thanks both to you and your girlfriend for your support and information

[thecomplexjokerwrestlingch]

This happens to me all the time my partner always says i dont get it because of my autism and then says a neuotypical would now how to explain and and react

[weasoant]

You explained this so well! Thank you.

[wandah]

Ok so everybody is out of the building.
I learned, through some harsh "correcting" not to show my emotions around anyone I'm suspicious of. Anyone raising their voice is at the top of the list.
I'd get yelled at and wouldn't speak to my mother for days, maybe a week.
I can read body language like an x ray machine. Gives me more time to run away. And yes I have massive empathy for animals, and try to understand why someone is blowing up at me. Really, I dont understand, and I'm afraid of that person. Apologies can only go so far.
I'll let that person slide the first time, or in the interest of fairness. But I wont let them get close anymore.

[carriemunnick]

My husband has aspergers. We recently moved to a different town and it seems like things have really gone down hill for him. I will gladly move back if it helps him, but I don't want to ask him because I don't want him to think he's hurting our family in some way by not being able to stay here. It's been a year and I feel like hope is lost here. By chance do people with aspergers have a hard time moving and then start to feel better after time? Is that pretty normal for them? Sorry for the long explanation lol

[tallgirlskates]

Topic I’ve been wondering about lately: I’ve noticed an uptick of tv shows and such about kids with disabilities- autism in particular (The Good Doctor, Atypical, Parenthood)- and I’m curious what you think of these shows and how they’re representing kids with autism. One of my favorite plays, The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-Time, got some flack for not casting an actor who is autistic in the lead role; and now, a young man doing the show regionally in Ohio is the first person who will be playing the role authentically. So, I guess in general, the topic I would be interested to see a video on is representation in tv/film. Good? Bad? In poor taste? Are they representing autism “correctly” or completely missing the mark? Is it better to have a show about autism to raise awareness and educate people even if it may not be painting the best picture?

[dmzkng]

my empathy seems non existent. if i saw someone die in front of me id shrug my shoulders and say
and walk away and do what i need to do. HOWEVER. if theres a female i like, which is ultra rare, if they sayyy bump their head on something my response bis basically HOLY SHIT are you okay?!?!? as if its a medical emergency. and feels gut wrenching. id hate to see someone i like feel any kind of pain, at all.

[cmnelson]

After moving from OH to NC, I began to hear an interesting response that I'd never heard before. "I hate that for you." It really IS the most appropriate answer. Like you said, "I'm sorry." really doesn't fit. Maybe the Southern phrase will help you have a response you are comfortable with... Thanks for all of your vlogs. They make me stop & examine myself & my world.

[elisakrivas]

I'm on the spectrum and sometimes I think I have too much empathy.
Person: "My dog got hit by a car and died 😢"
Me: "I'm so sorry 😭"
Person: "Um... Why are you crying that much? He wasn't your dog 😕😟"
Me: "I know, but I have a dog too. What if it had been mine?😭"
I'm pretty sure people are a bit freaked out at this. In the end, it wasn't my dog. It's logical to me right now, but in the moment, all I do is try to understand and feel what they're feeling...it gets intense and I'm sure I scare people off that way 🤣

[truthseeker]

Thank you for the video, Keep up the good work, Thumbs up!! : )