Empathy and Asperger’s Syndrome | Dylan Dailor | TEDxAllendaleColumbiaSchool

A couple of years ago Dylan discovered the idea of neurodiversity, the idea that people can be neurologically diverse. This idea was very unpopular amongst many groups who insisted that this was both wrong and dangerous. Dylan set out to write a book (I Am Not A Freak) for children who believed that their mind needs to be corrected. Dylan now considers himself to be an Autism Ambassador for the Kirch Center at University of Rochester Medical Center Strong in Rochester, NY. Dylan’s goal is to inform as many people as possible about the radical thought, that people can be diverse in mind.

Dylan Dailor is as 16 year old Autism and Neurodiversity Advocate who is also the author of the book I Am Not A Freak

[mackenziehoag]

The worst place on Austism specteum is where you're normal enough that people see you as normal but not enough that they treat you normally so you get bullied and the people who do it don't know they are doing it

[yolkyolk]

It really is strange, isn't it, that neurotypical children, of whom apparently have this special empathy, are able to be so vicious and cruel towards anyone who is different.

[Halikatti]

"I was like... I'm the one who's supposed to lack the empathy, how come you don't understand how I feell?" Geniously put and so right!

[earlgosselin]

I do have empathy, I just don't show it the way non aspergers persons show it. I have been accused of being non emotional which was very hurtful.

[WeirdCrazyShortGuy]

I have asperger's and yet I have both types of empathy. I just have poor social skills and do not intuit non-written rules of social interaction very well.

[absoluteai]

I feel that awkward tension all the time. People have awful attitudes.

[sleepyeyeguy]

That's an interesting point, that you "feel the way other people do" but you can't quite understand it intellectually. I have many physiological reactions, very strong empathy and feeling, but difficulty in understanding why people feel the way they do. I also have a hard time cognitively recognizing feelings in myself. I usually don't notice anxiety within myself until those around me get anxious and lash out at me (largely in response to my apparent hostility, even though that is not my intention).

[desireeholloway]

"Teach kindness" -that's awesome! What a beautiful concept of teaching emphasis for children and adults alike!

[Annique]

The notion that people on the spectrum don't feel love or empathy is dehumanising and just another way that young people with ASD grow up with the message that they are defective. It's a sure setup for self-hatred and depression. My mom and dad were awesome and never did anything to make me feel like I was a burden, or that I was worthless, or that there was something wrong with me, but I still felt that way throughout my entire adolescence. If you have children or loved ones with ASD, please do whatever you can do counteract those poisonous ideas in society. Love and support is how I got where I am today at 27, with a great deal of inner peace and independence.

[LisaKokx]

Yes, thank you, kindness. I have Asperger's and I actually have "normal functioning" empathy, but either way kids are just so mean. Ever since, I've tried my best to hide my Asperger's as much as I can

[Lunnalee]

my aspie son is so pure and honest. He is even a little innocent at 25 years old. I love him ♡

[pandanina]

I have Aspergers and A lot Of Empathy. Its hard, because I always feel the tension of the Others around me (even Sometimes when im in my room) and then I cant even eat at the lunch or just sit at a discussion, its so hard.

[FringePrincess]

He definitely switched the two types of empathy by accident at the beginning. (actually, having 0% effective empathy would make you a psychopath--on the opposite end of the spectrum, high levels would make you an "Empath") Threw me off for a bit, but good talk!

[ChestersonJack]

It’s funny. Don’t have the cognitive empathy, but I have affective empathy, so I notice distress.
I have hyper-sympathy, so I have this overwhelming urge to comfort and help anyone who is in distress. (“They deserve better” is usually my first thought.)
I’m good at mimicry (as many aspie girls are) so I know the proper social scripts for showing concern and inquiring what’s wrong.
And I have skills spotting patterns and connections, so if they feel comfortable sharing their feelings with me, I can (only when consciously done) think and compare their situation with experiences I have personally had, if there’s anything comparable.

with these four things combined, I’m pretty good at passing for a normal human.

[vocalsunleashed]

The shoe thing is so recognizable xD Understanding things litterally can be really funny, though also very inconvenient. My mum always got mad at me as a kid because she thought I was making fun of what she said, while actually I was just not understanding how figurative speech works. It always made me cry because it is even more confusing when your mother is angry at you and you don't get why. And she would never listen to my cries of "I really do not understand". The worst thing was she still got mad after I got diagnosed and she said she understood Asperger. Well apparently not as you're not really acting like it. So I told her that now she should know I was never lying when I said I really did not understand, but nope I was using my label as an excuse. My mum is pretty ignorant and I had a hard time dealing with that, so I'm glad I moved out because it will never change. Sorry needed to get this of of my chest...

[keilaheduvan]

I'm 17 and only some months ago I realized I had Asperger, well, my mom realized first... (Which is funny btw, cause I went to a lot of psychologists in my life, and they never helped me out)
The thing is, in school the other kids always bullied me, they considered me stupid apparently because I was always daydreaming and I acted "strange".
Because of this I went through a depression, I didn't eat, I was all day in bed and I cried a lot. (This was around when I was twelve)
I looked demacrated... I was bony (They could't see that, but I was skinnier, and anyone could tell that I wasn't healthy), I had big eye bags, and it didn't help the fact that I've always been really pale. Well, it seems that I looked funny like that, cause in school they keep laughting at me and calling me "dead" "zombie" or things like that.
Even the teachers didn't like me, they called my mom all the time to complain about me not being part of the group, being distracted... And let me tell you, I wasn't a bad student, I didn't pay attention, but if I studied, I could approve all exams. Bit since then I started having bad grades, and I guess that gived them a reason to actually complain?
Once I was sick and they left me out of the classroom with a chair and a trash can to throw up. The older students had the break by that time and everyone could see me... Obviously, no one laughed at me, they even offered me water. But the thing is, now that I'm bigger I can see how fucked up everyone was with me and it makes me so fucking mad.
I changed from school around when I was 14. In the new school, my classmates were nice to me, no one excluded me. Still, I felt sick just by being in there, I didn't actually had a reason, but everyday before entering the school I called my mom and I remember begging her to please let me come back home. I was so scared of people. I mean, I knew that in any moment I would do "something" and they would start making fun of me...
I can't say I'm better now, but I can socialize and I don't feel bad being surrounded by people. That is thanks to the time I didn't went to school and used to recover.
The me from now wouldn't let someone abuse me, but back then I was little and I truly believed there was something wrong with me. That I was actually retarded like they all said.
So when he said in the video, "I'm supossed to be the one with no empathy, how do you not understand how I feel"...
I never had much empathy, I probably look like I'm really cruel. But I love my mom, my sister, and my pets. I don't love my "friends" and I don't care about a lot of people, I'm selfish towards the people I actually love but I try not to be.
Still, I would never hurt anyone. I don't have much empathy, but I would never do to someone what a group of people with "empathy" did to me.
Sorry for my bad english, I tried my best u.u At least if it is understandable, is fine.

[mattsmith]

As a 35-year-old male with Asperger's and ADHD I consider myself to be extremely empathetic. I constantly am thinking about how my actions are going to affect the people around me. I can't help but do that. And I can't understand how other people can live their life without doing that. It's almost impossible for me to wrap my head around that.
I was constantly bullied as a kid and it always made me felt bad; I never wanted anyone to feel the way I felt. That taught me to "Treat others as you would be treated". Treat other peoples' things the way I would want them to treat my things. Leave public areas the way I would want them to be when I walk in. I worked in restaurants for a few years I used to make people's food the way I would want my food to be made ( unless I ordered something that I would never eat in which case I just tried to make it to the best of my abilities). My attention to detail is off the charts but sometimes that can put me in a world of my own where I don't realize what's going on around me. At 35 I've become a lot better at being cognizant of controlling this and most of my quirks (for lack of a better term).
If you've lasted this long you can see that I'm articulate and punctual. I'm also fairly intellectual although I came from a poor family so I didn't go to college because I didn't want to be a burden on the government or have student loans for the rest of my life. I thought it was an extremely responsible decision at the time but apparently I could have gotten my student loans forgiven and have a degree to show for my intellect, but alas I am now going to classes and getting on the job training to get my Precision Machinist Journeyman Certificate.
I am extremely introverted and prefer the company of no one above basically anyone else at this point.
But, my point?
Asperger's is a blessing and a curse. It's as simple and as complicated as that..

[amberhale]

Im autistic and I agree somewhat about an overwhelming amount of affective empathy, like when you feel negative vibes and it makes you shake but you are not exactly sure why it´s happening. I also agree that any cognitive empathy I may have thought I have is probably processed intellectually (rather than subconsciously) just like in social situations. I have gotten annoyed with people for being rude to me and have maybe not taken into consideration (in the moment) their point of view, perhaps the rudeness upsets me so much I get too emotional to be rational about it.

[klutterkicker]

"Empathy" in the neurological sense seems to be poorly named, in that it doesn't really describe compassion but rather a "weird brain thing" that helps with social learning. In the same way "emotion" in the neurological sense is a "weird brain thing" that control what you store in long-term memory and (even rational) decision making. All sciences are filled with particular, sometimes stipulative definitions, and it's not just school kids who will be thrown off by them. There are plenty of adults too who would call you a serial killer if you told them you lack empathy. (Autism and sociopathy are in a way diametric opposites though; autistic people have trouble communicating, while sociopaths manipulate others with ease.)

[stvbrsn]

6:38 I couldn’t help but think of Jack Handey’s classic Deep Thought:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you’re criticizing them,
you’re a mile away
and you have their shoes.