Why people are NOT respecting YOUR boundaries

Boundaries are very difficult. So how do we set boundaries? Many of us struggle setting boundaries whether you are trying to set boundaries in your relationships, boundaries at work, boundaries with friends or boundaries in your marriage, boundaries can be very difficult. So how do we set boundaries with people? And why are your boundaries not working? There are many signs of poor boundaries or poor boundary setting, and also what healthy boundaries look like. Let's talk about the reasons your boundaries in your relationships are not working. And how do we get better at setting healthy boundaries in our relationships? Let's dive in...

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[mikejarrells]

No respect. No relationship. Don't settle. We got this.

[markoembarko]

When the words, "I'm not comfortable with this" are not respected.

[DartmoorPaul]

Put a boundary in with a Narcissist like my Mum and expect the rage. Uphold the boundary and the rage and abuse increases. In the past I would crumble at the abuse and my entire life I have had no boundaries. But through therapy and watching your videos Kati, I have become stronger and learning to ignore the tantrums, abuse and stand firm to my values and boundaries. If the abuse continues I make my exit and leave the chat/call/situation.

[asasial]

Anytime i tried to set a boundary with my family.
I would literally be launched at, or looked at as if i were insane.
No one respect my boundaries to this day.

[hollytalbott]

When I went into counseling, I didn’t even know what a boundary was!

I remember telling my mother that I didn’t want to hear her negative comments about my dad when she divorced him. Whew, things really went south with my relationship with my mom after that!

[jrr]

About that last sentence: "over time, those around you will learn to respect your needs". Sometimes they never do! If they are taking months and years to learn it, and constantly "forget" or just flip the blame on you when you are reinforcing your boundaries, they are being ABUSIVE. I had to reinforce my boundaries with my ex husband until the final reinforcing method was to leave him.
He would never adjust to one of my boundaries unless I gave in on some other boundary. It was SO awful and it took 16 years from me.

[williamramos]

I started giving everyone boundaries. I have become the bad guy. So be it. When one does not respect it. I cut the umbilical cord. I have no time for the nonsense anymore. Especially since I do not approve of any drama from anyone.

[lisaschmidt]

I ended a friendship because she would not honor my boundaries. She said I was harsh and snappy enforcing my boundaries. I have no regrets and it has been months.

[RiddleMrs]

I feel like my family has never heard of the concept of boundaries. Whenever I express that something makes me uncomfortable, I get laughed at, I get called overly sensitive, and if I try to enforce a boundary, they get offended and guilt me by saying I don’t care about them/love them.

[leonievh]

I am glad you share this with us because now I know what to do when I set my boundaries every time people get angry at me because they don't like my boundaries I only have to learn how to stand stronger against some people not to get soft on them

[indridcold]

Humans, most definitly, respect my bounderies. Nobody knows me. I know nobody. Nobody speaks to me. I speak to nobody. I am extremely independent and self-reliant. I depend on nobody, in a personal level. I should have become this independent long ago. It has improved my life tremendously.

[ceceliamadden]

I was in an intensive outpatient program at the beginning of this year and we worked on boundaries. My brother had recently gotten remarried and anytime I spoke with him I had to be on speaker phone and his new wife had to be present. He’s in his 60’s and me in my 50’s. We had never had a relationship like this. I felt like I needed to tell him things that were going on with me, but I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with her. I had a conversation with him expressing what I needed and while I understood that he felt like his wife needed to be part of our conversation, it wasn’t working for me. He told me he couldn’t do what I was asking. So, it seems like I sat a boundary and he had a boundary. Neither of us won. We haven’t spoken in 8 months.

[paigemalloy]

My problem is that I hardly have any boundaries at all (at least none that I can think of)

[arsenelupiniii]

The first thing an abuser does when they meet an immovable object is attack. These critters are hopeless. And if you rely on them for ANYTHING, they will use it against you. Just impossible.

[tracyzimmerman]

You learned about boundaries when you are a child at least you need to. Being someone whos boundaries were violated because of abuse sexual abuse was one of these ways I learned I wasn't a person but an object to be used how someone else saw fit. This wasn't the only type of abuse that I dealt with. Even the mental and Emotional abuse I also dealt left me wondering if I could be my own person.
I didn't even understand I had boundaries until I was in my thirties. I even I had to learn in my twenties that I was getting in other peoples spaces because I had no understanding of personal space. Boundaries are hard for me because I will respect others but it's hard to have others respect mine.

[maryandrews]

Boundaries with work are tricky because your boss is your boss. You need to listen to an extent

[lennoxwasbest]

I agree with this video but the problem with some of these issues like assertiveness or setting boundaries is that they can be used out of context.
For example telling someone with entitlement issues or narcissism about assertiveness training is giving that person the green light to act on that out of context to the situation.
Regarding boundaries, people with the same mentality can weaponize that to avoid accountability. Ghosting someone for a petty or cruel reason in the name of "setting boundaries". Making accusations or remarks but then shutting down a response by "setting boundaries".

[rturney]

Narcissistic family.

When my BPD mom spends time with my narcissistic brother, I can tell. 😮 my mom’s attitude changes - from grateful and loving to treating me like I am hired help.

When I point this out, they set a boundary that I am not allowed to
mention my brother. 😮

They response with a boundary.

[domepiece]

Every time my dad comes to visit my house, he obsesses over rearranging my entire garage (uninvited). ARGH. That’s just an easy example. Explaining the emotional boundary violations is much harder.

[starladawne]

So good. I needed the reminder that boundaries are not light switches, there's going to be a training period for both sides. I need to remember that breaking boundaries isn't malicious, they might need more training and my behavior, standing up vs giving in, is what's going to teach them. (I'm an instructor so this is how I relate to the tips.)