Why you can't find a partner

Repeatedly choosing unsuitable partners may not be a sign of one’s misfortune. We’re more likely to be making the same mistakes on purpose — because, secretly, we believe we’re unworthy of love.

FURTHER READING

"There is a particular kind of person who is always – it seems – unlucky in love. Despite their best intentions and efforts, they seem to move from one unsatisfying candidate to another without ever being able to settle. One lover turned out to be secretly married to someone else, another – after an initial period of enthusiasm – never called back, a third turned out to be alcoholic and violent… We can only express sympathy for what seems like so much bad luck..."

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Natalia Biegaj

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[purplekillerpenguin]

90% of the time I really enjoy being alone. You have the freedom to do whatever you want whenever. But the 10% that I wish I had someone hits me particularly hard.

[StrengthScholar]

Not being able to find a partner is very different from finding many "partners" and continuing to fuck it up due to self destructive tendencies or preferences.

[cruyffway]

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Stephen Chbosky

this video hit home like no other ever has

[Red__Law]

Finding someone right for you is a combination of effort (taking risks and putting yourself out there) and pure luck.

[williamchacon]

Being alone doesn't mean being unhappy. Solitude has given me (and the history of philosophers certifies it) the happiest moments of my life. Finding a partner means to be the authentical 'you' with that other person. Remember, if you're alone and probably feel misunderstood, then there are millions of people like you. Be patient and enjoy your solitude in the meantime

[mirandaschalen]

I would love to see a video on how unhealthy the ''hookup culture'' is in relation to durable human connections. It's a jungle out there!

[milk_cow_blues]

This is very interesting. A friend of mine was deeply in love with a girl who, unfortunately, had many insecurity and self-esteem problems (mainly because of the family environment in which she lived). In the end, the girl decided to break up with the guy despite the fact that she loved him too. I always explained to my friend that it is very difficult for someone who has never been loved to know how to give love. In the end, my friend met someone else and is now happy with her.

On the other hand, I think it is important to mention that it is not "mandatory" for someone to have a partner. I have found many people who ended up living single, and they are satisfied, they are happy having the love of their nephews, brothers, etc. It is very beautiful to find a partner, but there are also people who manage to find fulfillment being alone, and that is fine.

[yhnblsb]

what about when you literally cannot find a partner? when you can't even find a bad one? when your feelings have not been returned even once?

[OpticPlay_]

My first relationship was with a women who threatened to hurt herself if I left her. My second relationship I was cheated on. My last relationship I was told that I was broken and not loved. I am still healing, but hope to someday learn that I don’t deserve to be treated badly. Thank you School of Life, your videos help me so much.

[LisaMariavanHarmelen]

I’m kinda fed up with the fact that some people can just blink once and they have a new BF and I can’t even find one. Glad to see that I’m not alone in this, although I think everyone deserves to be loved and not feel this way!

[KayPhantomville]

I'll give you simpler reasons as for why I can't find a partner: few opportunities to socialize with new people and not finding potential partners in those occasions; interesting people seem to always be already taken; being considered unattractive by most; only receiving the attentions of people I find unattractive.
This video tries to make us feel agency over our sentimental life, but the truth is that we also need to be in the right spot at the right time, and that could not happen for a looong time. This leads to getting a little depressed, but guess what? Depressed people are less desirable, so there's also the risk of the problem getting worse if you don't constantly repeat yourself it's going to get better. As if it ever did...

[womenwhodate]

Relationship status: waiting for a miracle 😂😂

[ambivalentambiguity]

"Moves from bad partner to bad partner"
Y'all can get partners at all?

[ahmetouztrk]

The title and the video are not related. You are talking about people who constantly end up with bad or wrong partners. This is really different than not being able to find a partner. There are a lot of people who would rather have wrong partners than not having partners at all.

[Superboy]

I love all the topics and issues y'all talk about but I feel like we don't talk enough about the animations of the videos !!! amazing and the artists are sooo talented!

[iNoccentSB]

Oh wouldn't I just love to be in a situation, where I could reject one partner after another because of my own insecurities...

[DemetriPanici]

*"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." - Marcus Aurelius*

[zhangao]

This video hits right in my weak point. Thinking back, in 21 years of my life I have never been in a real relationship, because I chased after unrequited affections and was so so SO blind to the signs from those who actually showed interest in me.

[thegamingcazador]

There are two ways to not find a partner. The one this video talks about, which is by its nature more self destructive, in that you find partners but you are unable to cope with the love they provide you due to your own self image. The other type, a type myself and many others struggle with, is just not being able to find anyone interested in us at all. That is another type of not finding a partner, and it really sucks because in many ways, you can't do anything about it but wait and hope everyone is right and that somebody will come around, when nobody ever does.

[YooB]

I WISH EVERYONE WILL EXPERIENCE TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS IN LIFE