WHY THE INFJ CAN’T FIND A PARTNER

INFJ Life Coach Lesson: The INFJ has a hard time finding lasting partners because they often put their own needs aside in order to maintain the relationship. It's no wonder that INFJ find themselves single with all of these complicated expectations from other people! Today we are talking about how to change this unhealthy tendency and approach new relationships from a completely new perspective.

#INFJ #INFJLIFECOACH #LIFECOACHING

[Wenzes]

Have you had a hard time finding a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship?

[notthatvashti]

INFJs have a tendency to get into "build a bear" relationships- "broken wing, " " I need saving" relationships. All that empathy and Fe driving you to always want to help and heal everyone except yourself. It can be a vicious cycle of caring for others, but usually getting let down by them in the end. You are so right- we do need to be our own biggest cheerleaders. We shouldn't be looking for someone to complete us, but to complement us. No soulmate, just a soul who wants what we want, and is willing to reciprocate the acts, feelings and desires that we give to them.

[elfpanglee]

I’m 25 and I have been single my whole life. My sister says I have high standards but I don’t not think I do. I don’t care about looks, I only care about everything else lmao

[annaandrea]

We can't find a partner because we are not really looking for one. I, for one, prefer solitude.

[Dave_and_Jo]

I'm a male INFJ. I had almost given up thinking that I would find someone I would "fit" with. Then, I met an ENFP and found that there IS somebody who understands perfectly. She's my soul mate. She is absolutely perfect for me and I'm absolutely perfect for her 😊

[AugustAdvice]

I'm at a point in my life right now at age 29 that I literally dont want a relationship or even to date anyone for the first time in my life and it feels so AMAZING, SO FREEING! I have spent my entire life wanting a relationship, wanting to be with that "special person", going out of my way to find or attract them. It makes me sick to think how much of my energy and time I wasted on that hamster wheel. I dont want it. And not in a "in denial" kind of way either. I'm so happy to be unbothered, alone and working on myself right now. The constant chase to find someone to make my life better came from such a subconscious mating process that had me running on autopilot like a robot or something. I cracked the code and no longer feel chained to it. I see how stupid it is.

[williamkauffman]

married at 40, been married 27 years, worked out great!

[paulbourdess]

If being too deep and sharing is overwhelming for other people, thats not something wrong with you (or me) as being an INFJ.
I scared off too many people, and had been too intense.
I was never using other people as an escape or an excuse. I always viewed a partner as an expansion, an addition to my life.
So having focused on myself and having been single almost my entire life...I just continue to be too intense and deep.

[katherinekelly]

I'm attracted to extroverts, and they are to me, but it also stresses me. As an INFJ, people can drain my energy if I spend too much time with them. There is also an intense artist and creative component to INFJ that if not developed and nurtured will leave life feeling meaningless. IMO as a INFJ you really need to be careful about who you share your space with and to what degree. In addition, we often appear odd to other people. They view our psychological needs as weakness or ridiculous. At 25 I'm not looking for a life partner, but I cannot comprehend being attached at the hip with someone else. The thought instantly makes me feel crowded and restricted. I cannot imagine a partner giving me the type of freedom I need to be able to tolerate a relationship. Being a INFJ requires a large amount of energy expended on self-management, so it does not make me insane from the constant stimulation the environment is pouring onto me along with a mind that never stops creating, imagining and thinking. There is self-management or being a Bitch with all the remorse and guilt afterward and not much in between. I hate being an INFJ, yet I would never want to be anything else.

[americanexpat]

One woman I dated said it best, "Get a Life, then Get a Man".

[heyheyvicky]

After my divorce (been very codependet) I focused on myself and totally understood what Emma Watson once said and people laughed at, that she "is in a relationship with herself", and what you said "I will be so happy with that person" "my life will be so great", I'm applying all on this on myself and it motivates me so much to become the person that gives me everything (But I have to add that I'm a loner and don't want a family or a partner) Actually my relationships hindered me from becoming the person of my dreams :/

[michellem]

This is all why we are narcissistic bait. :( I get what you're saying but why is it a bad trait to be a really deep person? Why are people so afraid to have deep conversations? It would be so boring to be with someone who doesn't enjoy these types of conversations.

[amandabohman]

I’m an INFJ, which I still refuse to believe, but every few years I retake my test and still receive the same answer. A lot of it makes sense, especially when I refer to my day to day life.
That being said, I think if you fall head over heels into A catagory that’s tells you YOU ARE this, you will manifest that.
I have been with my partner for almost 14 years. It is possible to have a healthy relationship as an INFJ. I know for myself, I refuse to have a label dictate how I am or how I should be.
This is such a great and informative video!

[southofthemagnolia]

My circle is so small, I have no friends. I'm divorced and been single for 10+ years. I have enjoyed the years "learning myself." Some days I feel broken because I feel people don't understand me. I pray the right person is out there. That he'll find me and see what a jewel I am. Until then, I'll remain a single.😩

[mypov]

Be whole, complete, happy with yourself first. THEN see what you attract. If you dont like what you are attracting, see my first statement. For me, it would have to be someone actively and happily pursuing their purpose in life. I would not settle for less..ie, rather be by myself.

[Rose-nsqo]

Lol I've dated before but they didn't last for long. I always realized short after it started that I'm better off alone. I only liked the idea of 'liking' someone but not being in a relationship.

[khadraLuula]

Being single for over 10 years because all of the things you mentioned in the video . Very helpful, thank you Wenzes.

[mr.goodwrench]

Have I had a hard time finding a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship? Yes. After a divorce, and a few short-term relationships that did not work out so well, I began a journey for self-improvement, focus on my career, and my hobbies. I have enjoyed the single life. Being a bachelor has been different and enjoyable. I do hope to meet a single fine lady, in person one day. I actually hope she is also an INFJ or similar personality type so that we both will have mutual respect, and a good understanding of one another. I just want a "return investment". Her and I both bringing plenty into the relationship together.

[RobertMertensPhD]

INTP: What I read in the personality groups is that the INFJ's ideal soulmate is the INTP. The problem with this is that we're also only 1% of the population, and we're as reclusive as you (INFJs) are - very hard to find. Surprisingly, I've found a few INFJs in my life, and let them all get away, even though they slipped so comfortably into my world, as though they owned it. Our conversations were always so deep and intimate, interesting, fun and funny.
Thing is, it's a lot harder for us to spot you than it is for you to spot us in a crowd. If you want us to ask you out, you almost have to smack us in the nose. Some INFJs actually asked me out, seemingly pretending that it wasn't a date. Or maybe it was and I just didn't see that.
So the next time you come across that nerdy science guy, especially the one who likes motorcycles, fast cars and scuba diving, get close to him (or her, as the case may be) and say "Hi!". But bear in mind that you may have to ask him (or her) out, because we're really socially inept. We're brilliant scientists and engineers, but we're kinda crappy at dating.
Also, we're not very good at escalating in relationships.
So stop dating all those players, which is why you're still alone, and start looking for us quiet guys, who have our noses buried in books.

[dallassukerkin]

:smiles tearfully: From my perspective I have to disagree that we can *never* find someone who can be all we want them to be ... because I did. But I do agree that such an outcome is vanishingly rare. I was in my early forties before it happened and it turned my life around. But cancer came for her nine years ago to the hour and my heart has never recovered since. She had me promise that I would not follow her before my natural time and that I would find someone else but, whilst my will is strong enough to keep the first half of that promise (little as I want to keep living without her) I have found that the world is not particularly full of people like her and most are playing the 'game' for their own advantage.