This is Why Divorce Recovery for Men is So Hard: Feeling Like A Broken Man After Divorce

Divorce recovery for men is often challenging due to societal expectations and internalized messages that can leave you feeling like a broken man. Understanding these societal narratives is crucial for effective healing and moving forward after divorce.

Your divorce doesn't have to be the end. It can be a turning point—a chance to confront and heal emotional wounds that may affect future relationships. With the right approach, you can transform this experience into a powerful catalyst for personal growth.

Discover how to become the best version of yourself and take control of your future with the Better Beyond Divorce App. This proven system has already helped hundreds of men navigate their divorce recovery successfully. Start your journey to healing and empowerment today.

GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:

*Additional Resources*
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage

Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?

*Work with Me*

*Helpful Books for Divorced Men* (affiliate links)

I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.

DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.

There are two general narratives that western society tells us about men. Both are myths, and both have impacts on divorce recovery for men.

The first myth is that a good man is a strong, stoic provider who takes care of his family. He has it together, he is stable and grounded, emotionally intelligent and always there if you need him. This man would never fall apart, he is the rock that his wife and children can always count on.

The second myth is that a sexy man is mysterious, confident, aggressive yet loving, passionate and takes charge, is vulnerable yet doesn’t get hurt by a woman’s criticism or anger… basically Dorian Gray from 50 Shades.

Here’s the BIG problem with this societal messaging, and the one reason you may feel broken after your divorce:

These stereotypes don’t allow for the one thing that is actually necessary to create the emotional safety and intimacy that makes relationships last - humanity.

But understanding the impact of this societal messaging on your thoughts is essential for recovering from divorce and moving on with your life.

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[KienDLuu]

My wife had no male role model growing up so she projected her ideal of what a man should be based on rom coms and K-dramas. These impossible standards drove me into depression that brought about the breakdown of our marriage.

[aminoamvs]

I just don’t want to lose my kids and it hurts so much.

[albertvangestal]

Thank you for the advice. I have been completely destroyed by divorce and I am desperately trying to survive.

[josepatricbrito]

Thanks everyone for posting their comments. I read everyone of the comments as the video played. I have been divorced since 2006 and I thought I was never going to be able to see a bright day again(depressession, anxiety, insomnia, you name it). I was in denial for a long time because of my pride. My anger was so strong they diagnosed me bipolar. Thru prayers and counseling I have been able to get to the root of my problem and be able to date once again and restore my relationship with my sons. God bless everyone in their struggle

[vitamind]

I’m a male. My marriage of 10 years just ended. What really hurts my wife said she wanted to start a family then the next week she told me she didn’t love me anymore. I’ve never felt hurt like this

[UnYokedLiving]

Divorce is so hard on men. We live on islands often and do not "tribe well."

[ScottYoung-ilgk]

Every day is a struggle. Many times, it's because of our children that we don't commit suicide.

[justme_brentg]

I don't think I'll ever love again. Been almost three years and I'm still very broken.

[devilsaidplay]

The video definitely resonates. It just feels like a downward spiral. I’ve been separated for 10 months divorce upcoming, and I thought that I was ok. That as hard as it was going to be, it was the right decision and the only way forward if we want lead happy lives and not be toxic to each orher or hurt our children. I thought I was over it, that I was ready to move on. I was finding my stride and that I hade made peace with that chapter in my life. Why is it so hard to believe that it’s just transitory. I feel broken, shattered, betrayed, hopeless. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I tried my best, I feel like I did so much to suppporkt her through her struggles, her drinking. I felt like an outsider that was never good enough for her to want to grow and start our own lives our own traditions. I reach the same conclusion time and time again that I just need to accept that being alone is ok and that focusing all my energy, all my love to my 2 girls will be enough for my life. I’m damaged like everyone, I just never got over or dealt with my own trauma. Both our baggage got in the way. I feel like I’m just ranting and complaining and that I shouldn’t because I’m healthy, I’m financially stable, I’m not bad looking. Why am I complaining?! I don’t know if it’s depression just because of my failed marriage, I don’t know if I was always just set to fail because I’m meant to be alone. At least I have my kids maybe that should be sole focus for however long I still have in this life and bury the rest. What a waste of potential, of opportunity and space I feel I am. Wish this nightmare just ends.

[dripdrop]

Thank you for posting this. This resonated with me SO much. 

No one has to read this I just dont talk to anyone so this kind of makes me feel like I'm expressing myself in a more meaningful way than talking to my shadow.


I have been stuck for 2.5 years now. I have maintained a self care routine this whole time, which included going to the gym among a list of other things. Since its been so long, I have made a lot of progress physically, and people are really starting to notice.. Mostly women. The thing is, I am not who everyone sees when they look at me. To me, I'm the guy that spends all his time in his apartment not interacting with any human in existence. I'm the guy that feels like a failure because I wasn't able to save my marriage. I am a guy that feels like my whole life has fallen apart because of me, and I'm afraid to establish another relationship with anyone else because I feel I'll just fail again and have to go through this again. I hate the feelings I have felt during this time so much that I just avoid any and every connection. People see a "handsome" guy, a "fit" guy, a "stoic" guy., or whatever... For me, I'd rather them just keep staring at me and coming to there own conclusions of who I am. Better that, than have them get to know me and find out im just a sad, depressed, "failure of a man" thats lost everything that mattered to him. If ever I'm forced to interact with someone for whatever reason, I act like who I think they think I am. I am bold, I'm confident, I smile... I feel so disingenuous, but I can't just tell people I'm in a deep state of depression. In fact, I have tried telling a close friend, and a family memeber about how I feel and both said I'm not appreciating what I have... "You're in great shape", "you're handsome", "you have money", "the future is yours".... I think they're right, and thats part of the problem... Why am I complaining with all these positives? why am I ungrateful for the blessings? Why can't I let go of the mistakes, the bad decisions? Why does not having one person, mean I can't love anything or anyone else?

I feel so lost in this. I'm going to sit with these prompts for a little and try to figure myself out a bit more.



If you read this and are thinking "what's this guy complaining about exactly?"... Don't worry, I'm wondering the same thing. This was just my initial rant after watching the video... It's also nice imagining that I'm talking to someone as I type all this lol.

[raygross]

I was married 23 years, really planned on spending my life with her
I am one year out of marriage
Sometimes I am ok sometimes I feel broken. I just want to be normal again. Not sure if I will ever date again.

[thomaschavarria]

Wow! I’m blown away how you nailed this topic. I wish you were my therapist. Not to say my current therapist is not doing her job correctly; I’m saying she doesn’t quite understand the stuck part that you described so well. I have a unique problem that I believe you can explain to me. I’m neither a strong man nor a sexy man. I don’t identify with either one. I know myself. I know what I want, but I’m overly sensitive. I feel every emotion in its rawest form. I have no problem expressing my feelings. In fact, that was one of the reasons for my divorce. My wife couldn’t deal with my reaction to things. Take, for example, if I saw something sad i’ll cry. If I felt love, I expressed it. If I were angry, I would express that as well. Never violence, but I would raise my voice. My emotions are at times are my worst enemy and cause more problems for me than anything else. It’s been 16 years since my wife left me and I still feel hurt as if only a week had gone by. I’ve chased friends away because they can’t deal with my emotions. So, I feel forced to bury them and not let them out when around people. I try to temper them, but sometimes they’re so overwhelming I can’t. They spill out and scare people away and out of control. But if something makes me sad, I’ll cry. I have to let it out or i’ll explode. So my qiestion is, how do I balance my emotions so that i’m still true to myself, yet not so emotional around people? That and being stuck, more like frozen, afraid to move forward because I never want to go through that again. I still believe in love, but my definition of love is different. I believe that if you love someone, you do so unconditionally. No matter how terrible things may seem at the time or how much you disagree with them, you never stop loving them. I never want to hurt those I love or cause them any pain. If i did that’s not love to me. Too high a standard? So, any advice or skill you cn give i’d be more than willing to try. Maybe what you have to say will break the wall I feel around me. Thanks for reading this. I wish you a great day today and nothing but the best in all the tomorrows that come.

[alanhoggard]

It's so great to hear a woman who understands how hard it is for a man to keep a woman happy. It is almost impossible.

[narendrakandari]

I am going through the post Divorce depression.

[ryanthayer]

Wow! A) what planet did you come from? And B) Thanks!!! I really needed this. Im fighting both of these narratives a year later after my wife of 7 years cheated on me and walked out last year. I feel like we live in a culture where many women are stand offish and are intimated or feel threatened when a guy asks then out or tries to strike up a conversation with them. Because of all the games I feel like I have to play just to maybe go out with another 30 year christian female, ive become more callous and exhausted to even try. When i approach as friendly and interested, I'm met with disinterest and accused of being too forward when my peers call me and tell me I may want to back off and quit being so friendly. So of course, my reaction is to pretend to be stoic disinterested sexy man because being, normal me (who is a goofy, happy, very emotional empathetic, nurse) receives no respect but instead hostility bc my confidence is viewed as toxic masculinity. Thank you for thie video! It was very informative. I guess I would say I would just pretend like everything's ok and brush it off my shoulder but then I wouldve missed the point of this video. What I will do however is journal about what kind of person I am tonight and talk about it next week with my therapist.

[pauldieteman]

After 19 yrs of marriage and 27 years of being together, my wife has asked me for a divorce. I'm absolutely broken, my insides are shredded. I do feel as that failure you speak about. She fell emotionally in love with another guy at work and that pushed her to realize she needed/wanted more. I'm just having a difficult time trying to move forward because I keep dwelling in the past with what I did wrong or what I didn't do right?

[johnmarcucci]

Bent but not broken. Bloodied but unbowed. The divorce that was forced upon me pushed me to my spiritual and emotional limits. When it became clear that I could not save my marriage, I was suddenly filled with an unyielding determination to save my pension, my homestead, my good name, and my constant presence in the lives of my kids. I stood my ground, fought back, and won. The one good thing about a divorce is that you find out who your true friends are.

[KeithDurnavich-ezts]

I was put in the impossible position that hovered between these two extremes.
It left me asking “To be or not to be”. I was (and am) almost broken.
Now recovery really begins. At least I don’t have to sacrifice ALL my time and energy to meet her needs, and focus on myself.

[GuitarWithBrett]

And often Societal Pressure/Ideals often say : Men have to pay for Everthing, but when the woman gets a job and $$$ it's hers for Fun or Independence, not to reduce pressure on the Man... and we can't Men mention $$$ or it causes the Woman too much stress, but the Man must provide regardless of stress is often causes. Very challenging situation to deal with and leads quickly to resentment and frustration. Then when trying to communicate on this, the woman gets mad and says we are putting too much pressure or controlling

[AndreM]

Failure after you tried so hard hurts so much .