10 Signs of a Wife with Borderline Personality Traits

This video answers the question: What are the signs of a wife with borderline personality disorder traits?

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), we see nine symptom criteria for borderline personality disorder and five have to be met for a diagnosis. The symptom criteria include frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable relationships, identity disturbance, impulsivity in two areas that are potentially self-damaging, suicidal behavior, affective instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, inappropriate or intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, and paranoid ideation or dissociation. Borderline personality disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder, so it’s in the same cluster is antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders.

Sprague, J., Javdani, S., Sadeh, N., Newman, J. P., & Verona, E. (2012).Borderline personality disorder as a female phenotypic expression of psychopathy? Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment,3,127–139.

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[Sweetpea]

You have described my parents perfectly. I wish my Dad was still alive so I could share this with him. He was a very kind and loving man, and a good provider. He was an excellent father and grandfather. Once he brought her a big box of chocolates for their anniversary. Being a special occasion, she acted out and hit him over the head with the box and sent chocolates flying every direction. I asked him if he learned anything from this experience, to which he replied, “Yes, I’m never giving her a bowling ball.” He was a gem. I was fortunate to have him, my maternal grandmother, and an older female cousin who mitigated the damage. Where she tore me down, they built me up. Seven years of therapy in my early forties were also very valuable. If you have a borderline parent, do your work and don’t be afraid. ❤️

[chrismoody]

25 years. Up and down. You never were sure what lay ahead when you get home. Divorce was a huge relief. I finally found peace and quiet. I stayed about 15 years to many.

[deborahmontgomery]

I’m a BPD wife. High functioning. I’ve done a lot of work on feelings of jealousy and fear of abandonment. Still struggling with emotional regulation but I am working on it. Looking forward to this video 🍿

[agnescroteau]

1- The (dis)tress starts early
2- Personality traits
3- Attachment styles
4- Terrible problem solving /communication skills, and frequent arguing
5- Dissatisfaction
6- Others see the couple as having the most intense love hard fight hard relationship
7- The wife believes sex resets everything in the relationship
8- The wife is extremely jealous
9- The couple is searching for different senses of purpose in life / wanting more
10- Contemplating divorce

[Mozkonauta]

My ex-wife had BPD. It was hell. I always felt exhausted. I ended up leaving her but we did not get a divorce immediately. After a few years of being separated I filed for divorce. Her reaction was like the four riders of Apocalypse storming down. She still thought we were a couple, after all those years. She felt betrayed and contacted all of my family and friends to tell them the monster I was. It was a bad moment for the whole community but it had to be done. I am happy now that I could escape that awful relationship.

[bikiblond]

Thumbs up to all BPD sufferers who are in treatment and striving to be kind to their partners. 🙌🏼

[armandomorillo]

I had 2 experiences in my life. A girlfriend and then the mother of my children. I have given up on relationships and I am happier than I have ever been.

[leeboriack]

This talk really romanticizes being single.

[thepopemichael]

My ex wife was a therapist and she'd always make fun of people with BPD. I thought it odd till I looked into it and discovered that she had A LOT of the same traits of someone with BPD

[AG-ejwm]

To everyone with BPD, I want to encourage you not to just see yourself as one big blob of pathology and trust in your abilities to grow and change. As was mentioned, often times you're also surrounded by people that have personality disorders themselves, so it's good to get support and have some time and place to reflect on yourself and your relationships.

[red]

I’m a BPD wife (also have ADHD and suffered with depression for most of my life). I was only diagnosed about 6 months ago, but over the past year or two, things have already drastically improved for myself and my relationship. CBT/DBT therapy focusing on ego-strengthening (forming identity), healing trauma & emotional regulation practice has been crucial. Refraining from drugs like cannabis and alcohol as ways to cope with intense emotions is also helpful. Lastly, going on mood stabilizing medications (lamictal in my case) has made a world of difference- 6 months later, and I can easily stay calm long enough to put what I’ve learned in therapy into practice! I’m proud to say that I haven’t punched a wall or fantasized/talked about KMS in months- that is huge for me! My marriage has never been better, and my husband has been a huge supporter of me through my process.
My therapist also pointed out that a huge reason for my improvement is due to my conscientiousness and self-aware nature. I am now stable and have a much clearer idea of who I am and what I want out of my life, separate from my relationship!!
There is hope!!

[caitolent]

The worst people I've ever known have been diagnosed with BPD. By contrast, the best therapist I've ever spoken to also had BPD. Just goes to show that people who are self-aware and empathetic, and willing to do the hard work on themselves, can overcome any obstacle.

[SummeRain]

I thought I might have BPD when I saw I had some of these symptoms. I went to doctors and psychiatrists because I wanted to heal. They assessed me for some time and just ruled that I needed trauma therapy from my childhood. I think I just learned really poor coping and communication skills while being traumatized from my environment. I am getting CBT right now for depression, PTSD and anxiety. It is helping a lot and worth considering for those who might think they have BPD. It could just be an anxiety issue or depression or PTSD. But don’t diagnose yourself, seek medical help. My treatment is really helping me so far. No one with some of these issues really want to be this way (except maybe narcissists). I know because it is such a painful place to be. I would die to be able to have better coping strategies, thought processes and be a happier person all the time. I might need therapy my whole life but it is so worth it.

[ObscurasCozyCult]

High conscientiousness and BPD is exactly what my psychiatrist said gives me a great chance of therapy helping my situation. So glad to have that supportive encouragement and reassurance.

[KA-mqwj]

Thank you for your video on this. I was married to a narcissistic man and he made me crazy. The narcissistic abuse in a marriage will certainly cause a lot of stress, anxiety, depression and even substance abuse. The wife looks crazy and called a mean Borderline but really it’s the Narc spouse that is gaslighting, humiliating and manipulating her and causing her continuous pain. I would never set fire or ruin his things because I’m an empath with a conscience. But my narcissistic husband certainly did. I know I have CPTSD from all his abuse. But I know one Dr called me borderline because I was constantly crying and depressed for a long time. I don’t think many doctors truly understand what narcissistic abuse does to the psyche of the abused. We are not crazy. But that’s what the Narc paints us out to be. It’s a very scary and lonely place to be in when no one believes you.

[amyggg]

I’m a wife. I’m borderline. Married to a narcissist. We feed off each other’s dysfunction in a way that seems to only keep us with one another in a cycle.

[youcanringmybella]

I just love Dr. Grande’s smile, coupled with his humor. It’s quite endearing and truly infectious. Stellar content, as always.

[busternsam]

Bingo. I just divorced from my undiagnosed borderline ex-wife. Our relationship had every single characteristic you mentioned, except that she did no self mutilation, and I do not personally have the personality disorders from the male side that you mentioned. It was a long difficult and dangerous road. She has been in denial when I did bring it up in the past. When I read that 70 to 80% of daughters of undiagnosed borderline mothers become borderline, after several years of debating, I decided to get out and allow my daughter to at least spend half of her rest of her childhood with me In a normal environment.Thank you.

[cooperdavis]

Dr. Todd Grande,

You're helping me to make sense of my childhood. You've described my parents' relationship in accurate detail in this video. After discovering my father's infidelity at seventeen, their divorce wouldn't be finalized until I was twenty-two. Those suffering from borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy, etc. are fantastic at finding each other, and the spectacular chaos they are able to create together can truly be beyond imagination.

The conflict and trauma I experienced throughout my childhood and young adulthood had no end and no beginning; it was always there. I imagine that fish have no awareness of the water they're born in until they're removed from it. It's only recently I've made sense of it all, recognizing the flawed dynamics of our relationships. Your content has been jet fuel for the development of my understanding of my own trauma. I've never felt this much clarity before; I've lived my entire life surrounded by smokescreens and lies, only able to see a few inches in front of me. Now, I can see everything clearly.

I've made a habit of listening to your videos before bed every night. Every day, you are helping me to become a happier, healthier, more forgiving, understanding, and self-aware person. Thank you for sharing this incredibly valuable information. I deeply appreciate your work.

[elirien]

My parents both displayed this behavior. I feel like I grew up in a war zone.