Why Do I Feel Numb Emotionally? Dissociation Explained in Depth

Emotional Numbness and How to Start Feeling Again. An in depth look at dissociation and how to heal...

Question:
“I’m coming to terms with the fact that almost all of the time, I feel numb. This scares me. I feel that it’s not normal. Also, I feel that I won’t be able to continue my healing if I’m not in touch with my feelings. Any advice on this?”
Answer:
So many people I had treated for anxiety or depression eventually come to realize that dissociation is an underlying issue. People normally don’t seek help for this issue. However, they should! Ignoring numbness is at the root of so many issues which develop later. There are various types and degrees, some more serious than others (depersonalization, derealization, identity confusion). However, I’m also talking about the common, everyday feeling of emptiness so many of us feel.
The solution is deceptively simple: This issue, however, is very treatable. When addressed, there is no need for concern. Here, I’ll talk about ways to start getting back in touch with emotion so that life starts to feel more engaging and joyful.

What numbness looks like and why it’s important:
1. Not being emotionally moved by beauty (nature, music, art, small children).
2. Remembering very few significant moments (from past week, month, year). Elizabeth Loftus proved how important emotion is to memory.
3. A feeling of emptiness, that you’re missing something that others have, that you’re on the outside looking in.
4. No real sense of excitement about goals.
5. Interactions with others are only done from a sense of obligation.
6. Occasionally you get a physical sensation (belly, chest or throat) that feels of emptiness.
7. You frequently question the meaning/purpose of your life.
8. You are a thrill-seeker (reckless behaviour, binges, provocation).
9. You use phrases like: I don’t know, I’m not sure, I don’t care, a lot of the time.
10. You get irritated being around people who are excited, playful or happy (fear of having to pretend).
11. You show few external emotional cues (not laughing out loud, narrow range of facial expressions).

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Dr. David Maloney is a Psychologist and therapist. His has trained in a variety of techniques (person-centered, Gestalt, ACIM, psychodynamic) and works with people on a wide variety of issues. His main areas of expertise are in self-esteem, motivation, and relationships.

[succubusy]

1 - Eleven signs of Dissociation 3:30
2 - Problem that stem from it 11:15
3 - Why does it happen? 15:10
4 - How to address it 21:55

[zaurgamkrelidze]

I've been emotionless for 5 years already. at first it was really hard to take, when it started. During this time there were periods when I stopped thinking about it, but it just does not go away. I had the most successful moments of my life and felt almost nothing out of it. This made me stop being an artist, because emotions were the fuel I used to make my sculptures. It feels like I have no connection to my past, I can't recall emotion of any period of my life, it's just flat. At the moment I'm in complete confusion, I have no sense of wanting anything, I feel no excitement about future plans I used to have. Therefore I'm not moving my life forward and feel like I'm already stagnating. Its like there is a wall between me and my emotions, very very seldom I manage to catch glimpses of them, that's how I know they are still here, but I just don't know how to break that wall. This problem can deeply effect the quality of ones life. I wish all of you a speedy recovery!

[ejgames]

im so tired, I want to care again. I want to have goals and shoot for the best I can accomplish. But at the moment I just dont care. I don't care and It feels like I dont care that I dont care.

[raa]

Not being emotionally moved by beauty is so hard to cope with. It feely like you're wasting your life away, this goes hand in hand with not having interest in doing things you once did or going places you once loved.

[mehmettan]

Sometimes i think how unbelievable happy i would be if i could feel my emotions again. Even only for one day, feeling the nostalgia again. Feeling compassion. Even walking around with anxiety and racing thoughts most of the time i was grateful. I was very grateful for the small things happening during the day like for example drinking a cup of green tea. It was a lot pain to bare but it was something. But when i went numb with 28 i knew its over. I realized how much i had and how much i lost. This is one of the worst things you could ever have.

[bunny]

I'm craving to feel safe again, I literally watch sad or romantic movies to feed my cravings for these feelings

[wilfredomanuel]

This disassociation that I feel with everything has really hindered every progress that I have with life. My relationships, my talent for academics and art, the goal I had set for my body, all went down the drain because of the simple question of "why am I even doing all of this" and yet even after being aware of the fact that I completely messed up my opportunities, I still feel nothing of it. It sucks cuz I just wanna feel human again but deep down I feel like being emotionally invested in anything would only cause further trauma and anxiety. I'm in a constant stalemate where I feel like every option that I have will lead to a worse scenario for me. I'm stuck and helpless.

[matthewsnider]

David — not to sound dramatic, but this video saved my life. I have been struggling for the past (almost) five years with describing how I feel/felt after a perfect storm of traumatic experiences that made me feel like I was losing my mind. The things you described in the video as well as reading some of these comments gave me validation that I have been searching for endlessly but never found. I was able to link some things together and I figured out why I became numb in the first place (i.e. I connected the dots to realize that I have been suppressing my anxiety for the past 5 years and I see now how this has been the cause of my suffering). This realization alone has allowed me to open up again and feel. When I pieced it together a few days ago, it was a moment for me that deserved celebration (and still does). It is like my old self returned to me, I can feel things again, the barrier that was blocking me from feeling present in life is gone, and while I am still anxious, it no longer scares me and I can allow myself to feel. All of my symptoms make perfect sense. You have helped me end suffering I thought would forever be part of me. I thought I would be high functioning with something that was just *different about me since the traumatic events I experienced. May my story serve as an example to others struggling or searching for answers — there is a way out and you will solve it. Seek out the professional help you need from someone you trust and don’t be afraid to confront yourself. There are better days to come — just promise you will find whatever courage you have to take that step each day, even if you’re not making progress. Just keep going and never stop believing in yourself. You will be okay.

[lorettazwarts]

Please don't ever take this down You Tube, some of us are surviving by listening to Dr. Maloney.

[hellokitty]

being dissociated 90% of the time WGILE BEING AN EMPATH is an absolute trip. Everything seems so surreal and empty- and then depending on who im around (not veiled) at the end of the day its like i feel every single emotion at once while also not even being able to recognize it as emotion. it makes me physically ill. sometimes just turning off everything in my brain manually is the only option.

[JS-ldqd]

How to heal numbness:
Say "Thank you" to the numbness and ask "what are you trying to tell me?"
What will help me feel safe
Find a safe environment to talk
Body work
become aware of breath
Body scan- what am I feeling right now
*Just be with the feeling of numbness without trying to change it

[reflectionpoint]

I don't understand how you have so few views. Your thorough approach to increasing understanding level is lovely. I know your work will help many. Thank you for the effort you've provided.

[ernaselimovic]

I havent really felt emotions for years. Intellectually I understood there is something wrong because i remembered as a child how life felt more embodied and my body felt like it was experiencing more of it. Now i realize its because i shut down cause i experienced complex trauma and i always feel like im an outsider to life. Hearing you now felt like someone for the first time understands how debilitating it is. I felt so understood and safe i started crying. I never comment on videos but i gotta Thank you for this video. This might possibly change my life

[cherylmockotr]

I've been experiencing and fighting derealization for 40+ years, been to several therapists, tried multiple interventions, but have never heard it discussed so succinctly. The advice to experience my numbness rather than fight it really resonates with me.

[succubusy]

This poked out every arrows that lodge in my whole wounded being. One by one

[rogiserus]

When the "irritation" symptom came up, I just had to pause the video and laugh in desbelief (and relief) about how you could describe so perfectly such a personal experience. I've been living like this since I was 6 or 7. Sometimes, maybe once or twice a year, I would have these immensely emotional dreams (like, for example, a deep feeling of love), which I took meant that the emotional machinery inside me wasn't broken, it was just walled off. However I did see this wall as me being broken and been trying so hard to fight it. Thank you for letting me know that's not the way I should go about this. It's good to know that I'm valid about experiencing this and I'm not a psycophatic un-empathetic monster.

[endtimebell]

hey Dr.David i haven't realized am emotionally numb for a long time then in this two years i have realized am "emotinally numb". i have talked what i feel (almost all things you have stated on the video what emotional numbness looks like) to my close friend and my sister but they couldn't understand my feeling...i just thought it as my personality for long time...i didnt know it is a problem and other people know about it well as a concept. am very excited when you tell all about emotional numbness . i will practice what you have said...thank you sooo much really. i think am gonna be alive again...
big love from Ethiopia.

[kenzovermandel]

Thanks to this video i may have found the reason behind me feeling like a robot made of bones muscles and flesh pretending to be human. I have experienced quite horrible things as a baby. In the first 2 years of my life i never had a father, i had a mother that was an addict, her attempts of raising me ended up in getting drowned in the bath instead of being washed, didnt get much food or drinks. Slept under a lamp on a rug, moved at least 11 times to another home in under a year and so forth. Knowing that only stays with knowledge unfortunately. In truth in the time i developed a conscience up until now i dont really care about anything but me having to pretend, act and do everything i can to survive. I now dont care about my fosterfamily, dont care about friends (never really had those) dont care about hunger or thirst that much. I just do what people tell me to or expect me to because i cant bring myself to do anything at this point. Life has become meaningless to me and now im simply trying to exist and at least enjoy my time withering away in emptiness.

[whineydoll]

I feel emotionally numb and have since November. Usually I have a lot of ups and downs, I will feel extremely depressed then I’ll come up and feel fine, not really happy but fine. October was the worst depressive episodes I’ve had and now.. I don’t feel anything. I’ve told my therapist but she just reassures me that I’ll eventually feel ok but I’m terrified I won’t. I just want to feel anything. Anything at all.

[LrchPachuau]

This is how I feel right now... I felt nothing and lazy... I used to be a creative person but now I'm bored at every thing I do... Thanks a lot for your effort.