how i made new friends as an adult alone in a new city.

How do we make friends now?? as adults??? i detail my strategy...

Sarah Wang |

Brad Streicher |

Michelle is private :-)

TIME STAMPS//
0:00 - exposé
0:14 - oversharing did me some good!
0:50 - i was on The Cut's podcast
1:30 - saving & investing with Wealthfront
3:05 - STEP ONE
3:30 - my friend brad was friendless and now is not!
4:03 - this is worse than loneliness
5:00 - getting comfortable on your own... how
5:14 - 1: pretend you're on a business trip
6:26 - 2: date yourself
7:35 - 3: how journaling can help
7:55 - 4: omg we're doing affirmations together
8:32 - my friend michelle's tip on fighting loneliness
9:39 - my friend sarah's way to tackle her loneliness
10:33 - STEP TWO
10:47 - my intrusive thoughts
11:00 - capitalism loves your scarcity mindset
12:50 - coming off desperate
13:16 - when my FOMO's the worst
14:27 - STEP THREE
15:13 - analyzing how i actually met my most recent friends
16:09 - how to find friends of friends
17:51 - bumble BFF
18:04 - how to make friends thru tiktok
18:24 - recommending easy activities to meet people
19:56 - STEP FOUR
20:21 - setting up reoccurring dates
21:47 - the best way to hang out again
23:43 - the art of following up
25:11 - how to use social media to your advantage
25:53 - set reminders... lol
26:58 - who to be when you meet new people
28:05 - why it's actually not your fault you don't have community where you live
29:14 - CLOSING HOT TAKES & TIPS

Katherout receives cash compensation from Wealthfront Advisers LLC (“Wealthfront Advisers”) for sponsored advertising materials. Katherout is not a client and this is a paid endorsement. Katherout and Wealthfront Advisers are not associated with one another and have no formal relationship outside of this arrangement. Nothing in this communication should be construed as a solicitation, offer, or recommendation, to buy or sell any security. Any links provided by Katherout are not intended to imply that Wealthfront Advisers or its affiliates endorses, sponsors, promotes and/or is affiliated with the owners of or participants in those sites, or endorses any information contained on those sites, unless expressly stated otherwise. Investment management and advisory services are provided by Wealthfront, an SEC registered investment adviser. All investing involves risk, including the possible loss of money you invest, and past performance does not guarantee future performance.

[TamasinShaw]

Something that’s helped me stop performing my identity when meeting new people: instead of going into it thinking “I hope they like me” try “I hope I like them.” 👌

[katpat-rice]

coming to this two years late as i’m prepping to move to a new city AGAIN, but here is how i made friends this past move:
1. gym classes
2. taekwondo classes
3. rock climbing
4. run club
for the less active people
4. rec center activites (mostly pottery)
5. book club
6. movie club
7. literally commented in this girls hair, we got into a long conversation, and i ended up inviting her to my dinner plans later that day. two years later and we’re still besties 😇

[agreedboarart]

I never understood why people feel weird going out to eat by themselves. It's just so normal to me. No one's ever made fun of me for it and even if they did, I literally would just be too confused to care.

[seventhcompactor]

I've done this 3-4x in my life.
They keys - the first 6-9 months is about going to any event you can, and meeting as many folks as you can.
Then, start throwing your own events...small ones. Game night, sports outings, meeting at a bar, etc.
By month 12-15, you'll be the center of attention.
Then, in year 2, you focus on filtering out the riff raff, and finding 2-3 good people in the group of 50 you met.

[sterlingmarshel]

you have to make friends your whole life - different phases of your life will require different friendships. Once you acknowledge this fact you will free yourself.

[freshcleanwhitesocks]

I met friends by going to trivia at a bar. After like week 6 we were buds! The key is habitually going to the same place

[ElevateEveryMan]

just moved to a new city two months ago. i work off my laptop so i found out real quick it was up to me. i go up and talk to random people and just ask them what theyre up to and i would just see how the conversation went. some people are really receptive to talking and i was suprised how many friends i made in short amount of time!

[Androgynary]

Everyone keeps saying how important community is, and I believe it and so badly want it, but it SO DAMN HARD to actually foster community IRL 😭 I feel like a failure because I’m really struggling out here (esp as an autistic person) so thank you for reminding us yet again that we ~live in a society~ that is not set up for us to win 😓

[camelliaghotbzadeh]

this is such an under-talked about topic!!! as someone who is 26, I've realized how small my circle of friends is compared to all those I see on social media. It definitely makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong so thank you Katherine for highlighting what I've been feeling! I'm moving up to LA soon and have some friends in the area so I'll definitely be taking some of these tips along with you, awesome video 😊

[sharithebrave]

To me, its amazing how similar friendships (creating and maintaining them) are to romantic relationships. There's no sex but otherwise...both need you to put in work and effort, a desire to make the relationship grow and last, and a mutual appreciation of each other. Glad you're talking about this - we hear so much about the romantic relationships, but so little about our friendships and how to nurture them.

[salemdove]

I have FOMO because I lost multiple friend groups by not going to things they invited me to, spending time with others instead or just canceling or leaving early all the time. Now that I think of it, it was probably for a reason - I just didn't feel like spending time with them and they weren't right people for me.

[sammkidd]

I cannot believe how relevant this is to anyone who is an adult. I’m 29, and I’m used to (usually) being the youngest person at my site, so I usually only have older friends who are married with kids, or divorced, or just generally in a totally different life spot than me. I do have friends in my city that I’ve grown up with, and I’m close to my family, but *still* as you grow older, everybody goes on their own life path and sometimes you just feel like it would be nice to make new friends. Thank you for this🙏🏼 and for presenting it in such a non-judgy way. It truly is not just for people in their young 20s. Making new friends is just something you got through for the rest of your adult life, and it’s comforting to know that it’s a struggle for everyone, not just *you*. You’re awesome Kath!💗

[elianauku]

Set reminders, follow-up, always be closing - glad to see you applying your over-achiever conditioning to something actually useful/fulfilling in life vs. the corporate grind 😉

[meganayers]

I moved to a small town after being displaced due to a fire. It's been six years and I still have no friends. There's no meetup groups and my religion and interests don't exist here. I've been so depressed. I've finally found full time work with a temp agency. I'm just going to leave next year and get a job through the same temp agency. I'm still sad but I'm glad that I've found a way out. I've never felt loneliness like this.

[shttc]

Also: this made me think of a Krista Tippet quote, "I can’t name the day when I suddenly realized that the lack of love in my life was not a reality but a poverty of imagination and the carelessly narrow use of an essential word.”

[doomera]

damn, I needed this. I''m a 22 yr old who is definitely struggling with making friends in uni. Now, I'm in my last year, so I noticed that I have been alot harsher on myself

[MegaModel]

you have become my favorite youtuber so fast. found you last month through your videos on tech sales because I'm graduating in may and took a position in that field, and then realized just how many of our values (and problems) align. thank you for your vulnerability, genuinely, and for being someone a few years ahead that I can learn from and laugh with. <333

[elicarspen]

This is THE BEST practical video I've seen on making friends, like, I'm planning to move to London in a year or two completely by myself and as a socially awkward introvert I needed reassurance that it CAN be done so thank you 💞 I've added this to my playlist to come back to

[victoriarubyxoxo]

These are such good tips. I’m such an introvert I struggle so much with making connections with people. I just spent a few days in London alone and vlogged it all to challenge myself even more. Love this so much ❤️

[nikki]

This is such a good topic that I really needed! I'm 24, and just moved somewhere new 3 months ago and still don't really have any friends - just a few acquaintances. I seem to always end up with temporary friendships that only last during that specific life phase that we go through together. I literally have zero people I would consider my friend which makes it hard to do the friend of friend thing to make connections.