Child Psychology : How to Discipline a Child Who Hits

Children who hit are communicating aggression in an inappropriate fashion. Learn how to assert authority calmly with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video.

Expert: Dr. Craig Childress
Bio: Dr. Craig Childress is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of ADHD and angry-oppositional relationship disorders of childhood.
Filmmaker: Max Cusimano

Series Description: Raising children can be a confusing project at times. Improve communication with your child and resolve common issues with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video series.

[shaunbarnett]

I"ve seen kids throwing anger tantrums and there is no way in a million years they are going to listen to anything you have to say. At least in the short term, you absolutely must physically restrain your child and control them before they do any real harm to themselves or others and then later when they have calmed down, then you can talk to them in a calm, assertive voice as this guy suggests. But sometimes it's absolutely appropriate to physically 'influence' your children at that young age. If you love them you will physically interfere with them. It's the only thing they will understand at that age.

[ZakkuTakku]

Speaking as a former summer camp counselor who has worked with children of all ages: I've seen my fair share tantrums. Most were small and faded out after a few minutes. Then there were the big ones the lasted up to an hour (sometimes longer). In those moments it was very apparent that nothing we tried saying was getting through to the child, they just weren't going to hear it. They were angry, they were loud, they were trying to punch, kick, sometimes even bite. The cause of these episodes were usually the result of either being told by one of the counselors/staff members that they weren't allowed to do a thing that they wanted to (usually due to camp rules and safety policies), or one of the kids did or said something that just set them off. In those moments, no amount of 'talking' was going to change anything. All we could do was restrain the child (safely and appropriately of course) until they either finally calmed down, or the higher ups were able to get a hold of the parents/legal guardians to arrange a pick up (the camp I worked for was a sleep away camp. campers typically stayed 5-7 days per session).

I of course realize that there's a big difference between being a child's camp counselor for a week (or longer), and being a child's parent for basically their entire life. But based on my (albeit anecdotal) experiences, I can tell you that no two kids are exactly alike. What causes one child to break down for no longer than 5 minutes, will cause another to break down for over an hour (sometimes several hours).

Full disclosure: I was spanked on a couple of occasions during my childhood when I got too out of line. I used to believe that it was simply what parents do when their kids misbehave, but my feelings on it have changed quite a bit in recent time. I don't advocate physicality against any child, except for maybe restraint if/when a situation warrants it. I'm by no means an expert and I honestly don't know what the "correct" answer is. All I do know is that what works for one child, won't necessarily work for all children

[kwak]

Back in the day they use corporal punishment. My dad would hit me if I got out of line. Few times punched me actually when I was a kid. It did leave some psychological damage. Later in life I punch my dad when I was older. So hitting doesn't solve anything but create fear. Saying that for the most part I came out OK. Never did drugs, or commit any crime ..etc. I knew other kids my age where the parents would beat the kid if they did something really bad. I knew one kid who would steal something. His dad found out and beat him. He never stole anything again. What I am saying is there was time hitting was OK..now they are saying hitting is not OK. But that's psychology for you. What they say OK now may not be OK later. Whose to say that controlled corporal punishment can work.

[sarahmartinez]

Wanted to share a bit of my story.

My son is currently 2 and has been showing very aggressive behavior, hitting, slapping, punching, biting, pinching. You name it. Unfortunately he has been present during domestic abuse between his father & I. His dad also abused his two dogs in front of him.

I tried everything I could think of. Time out, spanking, slap the wrist, raising my voice when telling him to stop, walking away, literally everything. One thing that consistently works is pretending to cry. He immediately holds me and hugs me when I start to cry. Then I explain that he is hurting me and it makes me really sad. He shows immediate remorse. But there’s also times when it doesn’t work and he has no care that it hurts me (it literally does hurt I have scratches and bruises all over) at that point I’m at a loss. I’m a single mother and it’s so hard to keep my patience sometimes but I came here just to see other views and share what works most of the time for me.

[MsMichigan]

People tend to forget that a child could be autistic. My nephew is 8, and has meltdowns, and he's very tall for his age, so people always think he's 10-12 years old, and looks like a "normal" child, because they're plenty of autistic children where you do not see the "physical" autism.
A very favorite write of mine, is "I can't spank the autism out of my child, anymore than I can spank the ignorance out of you". So please, if you see a child having a tantrum, remember that child could be autistic, and does not comprehend right and wrong, as well as lacks a lot of social/empathetic skills 💙💙💙

[sunshine]

Some so called adults have this problem.

[staceyw.]

What about hitting and aggression in play with minimal language communication? When reprimanded, they think it's funny.

[misscarolinaqueen]

But what do you do if that doesn’t work? My 5 year old daughter has ODD

[Sweetness]

My child has Austin and does have behavior councilor coming into the house but it doesn't stop him

[daveg]

What do u do if that aint working and its getting worse and not better

[Specimen_SJM]

I ask my kid and he says "I don't know" and start to makeing faces...

[kellypawspa]

... Not sure if this video will help me... My toddler is only mean to our dog. :( They seem to be very jelous of one another....like some kind of strange sibling rivalry? Lol I can't find any advice on this specifically... Any advice is appreciated. T.y.

[sjk]

Hi
My dughter is 2 years now and b4 she use to hit on my face now stop but now she heard no word or anyone saying it she fall down from stand up and keep on banged her head .i m so worried how to stop that i trys difrents word

[mzfitmama]

But when the child continues to get frustrated to where it becomes tattling it gets really old.

[jaymesforeal]

Any comments on how to handle a child (aged 10-13) that is hitting but isn’t doing so out of anger, but instead doing it out of need for attention and wanting to play?

[queensigal]

What would you say about a 20 year old who hits?

[queensigal]

For older children would leave the situation.really?

[carmikuntis]

What about adults that have problems with hitting?

[jacquelinestump]

What if it's not the child?well... not in this situation, I've come across, it's not all the child's fault of being taught bad behavior towards other adults 😒 but, what is very apparent and very much the parents that are proudly enabling the child's bad behavior constantly without willingness to assist their child's redirection of their intentional rudeness? then, blaming other adults for their child's taught ignorance? or physical harm towards other children by hitting or pushing while in play...with the attitude of (my child can never do not wrong) point of view... in and out of public's view.

[eiciuwnuibwbwicbwc]

If you time out a child he destroys stuff