60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 30/33 - Many Losses

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People from Complex Trauma tend to experience more losses than people who don't have Complex Trauma; and they usually don't have very many healthy tools for grieving those losses. They also have a unique kind of loss - they have lost things they never had, but should have had.

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[micahstrava]

It stinks to have to give these things to your Inner Child when you are 64 years old. But hey, awareness and progress, no matter how slight, are gold.

[katwilsey]

This man's knowledge is helping Humanity heal!!!!

[unmistakablyjaselle]

I wish TIM could personally be my therapist! HE GETS IT!

[ilovesamyo]

My goodness…………. I’m literally on the verge of tears because this is the first time I’ve felt someone truly gets what I’ve been going through for the past 38 years, all alone. Hearing this message today, I don’t feel so alone. I feel supported. Thank you Tim. 🤍🙏🏼

[anonymousprivate]

This was so helpful, thanks Tim. I wish I had heard this kind of content 30 years ago! Better late than never though. Yes, it's a tough journey. I am late diagnosed autistic also several mental health issues and going through menopause. I live a very quiet life with some outside support but even they don't fully get this greiving proccess/many loses and that is one of many triggers. I go through all the various emotions, get overwhelmed and shutdown but eventually come back to some small feelings of gratitude. I know this isn't a quick fix but is so important to me in my life, looking after myself the best I can and being forgiving to myself mostly as I would be to others but also having firm boundaries and managing other people's dislike of that, how it effects me emotionally. Yes learning is a good help for me. I am learning about how complex trauma affects my brain and what parts are functioning when I am disregulated. Yes I've had suppossed support people giving me unsolicited advice and hurtful comments which triggers resentments I'm working through. When calmer I gently try to educate people/stand up for myself either by my actions or written communication from a distance if it's too overwhelming to do it face to face. I am respecting myself much better. I'm willing to stick at this.

[Horseyperson]

This sounds terrible but I was relieved that he passed. He didn't suffer. It was all over in 20 minutes. Of course I was shocked and saddened but the last couple of years he was increasingly critical. Constantly complaining. I had suffered from depression which they told me was inherited. I had raised my hands to Heaven 2 days before and cried "Lord, I don’t know how much longer I can take this" I DO NOT BELIEVE GOD TOOK HIM TO RELIEF MY STRESS. I'm not a person with that kind of pull with the Man Up Above. He was a wonderful kindly person to everyone else but me. He was wonderful when I married but not thoughtful or romantic. He didn’t even book us a room the night after the wedding. Completely oblivious to what his responsibilities were. Never asked anyone what's next. He was a Naval officer graduated from the Academy and I was delirious. It wasn't until he died and the dream came crashing down. He never was that guy I had in my head. He was never the guy I dated. The truth had been creeping up on me for many years. I continued to hope. Several months before he passed away he said out of a clear blue sky, "You realize it's all about me. " I acknowledged I knew and that's when I became even more depressed. He denied later he ever said it. His funeral was packed. I would never tell anyone including my family what he was really like. Don't want to spoil his "rep". Everyone thought I was the luckiest girl. Don't want to spoil that impression either but I can tell you guys. I miss him and I don't. 😢

[reneemoore]

There is too much resentment in my family's story connected to our mom. The more resentment connected to her the worse she gets. She may never see her behavior. She may be incapable of it. She got her negative from her past. I'm able to have compassion, but my sibs are not. I'm praying for mutual forgiveness and tolerance for all of us. The resentments compound daily.
I need to heal and protect myself from this war and I am powerless over others!! Without a spiritual practice I spiral. I must bathe daily in Grace and forgiveness. I need truth. The list you mentioned can bring self pity!! I can't afford that. Yes, loss and grief! I need today to be living in the solution. Ultimately I am responsible for my thoughts, words, and actions.

[JenMuse]

Thanks! Love this series and your others about CPTSD so much. You are doing a tremendous service; words are not adequate to truly express my gratitude.

[Divchyk]

The more I learn about childhood trauma, the more it looks to me like healthy non-traumatic childhood is a utopian construct that has very little with real life. To have a non-traumatic childhood, human society must be completely different. It would mean people would have to be rational with the ability to love and feel compassion. Well, it's just not possible because in stressful situations, we're still ruled by our amygdala, which exhibits in 4 behaviors (fight, flight, freeze of fawning response). To change things, proper patterns of behavior and techniques of dealing with stress and abuse should be thought at every level of schooling and maybe even in every workplace, but then again, it might be construed as control or oppression. Humans are inherently afraid of things they don't understand

[reg]

I tell god everyday please take me home cause my mind and life is crushed from the horror mother that i had i just cannot get over what she did to me she destroyed my enrire life im struggling with so much hate towards her this day lost my life healthy relationships and even ny own kids cause the second abuser i met turned my kids against me all i feel is crime after crime done to me by my 2 abusers i have no support

[jajdude]

Man, this complex trauma stuff is... um, complex.

[catherinewilson]

I feel as if you have been inside my life and completely understand me❤

[produccionesdebajosrecurso]

This was ocerwhelming hahaha but glad i heard it 🙌🏽🙏

[devingiguere]

I have to point out, yes, I grew up with unsafe things...but my family wasn't necessarily the unsafe thing. As ppl who grew up severely abused, the DID have wrong coping and behavioral mechanisms, and so yes, at times I felt unsafe. But MOST of my damage came from peers and teachers in my school.
Sad facts.

[melaniec]

Thank you! Of all the counselors I’ve gone to, not one of them had a clue. Not one. You are a true God-send for those of us going through this. Thank you doesn’t begin to cover it but right now that’s all I’ve got.
So again, Thank you!

[audreypistor]

Listening to you is wonderfully healing to so many hurts. Thank you..

[lastdayspassagesandstudies]

Utterly helpful and encouraging...really liked the accepting limitations section...extremely helpful and encouraging..as someone who has had a problem with boundaries it helps me to see the blessing of setting myself boundaries

[Josie]

Thank you so much this is very helpful for my childhood trauma. 😢

[Odetta-cy]

I am watching this 2 years after it was posted so happy I found your series on recovery. I just made 35 years clean from all mood and mind-altering substances and it really doesn't get any easier. This is giving me some great insight. I have had great loss in the past 4 years. This is giving me some great Insight. Thank you

[twin_om.]

I’ve seen several videos on CPTSD a lot I can identify with; my question can you relate how this diagnosis of CPTSD works with people who have commodities such as BPD and other personality disorders?