60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 11/33 - Wear Masks

*****
People from Complex Trauma usually learn quickly that authenticity results in rejection and pain so they learn to wear masks. It seems to work, but in the end, it doesn't. Is it possible to find true connection without authenticity? Is it possible to be authentic and not be rejected? These are the question Tim will explore.

*****

Become a Member!

Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs

Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma

Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp

Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Online Course: LIFT Online Learning

[leeannevinzant]

My entire life feels like a lie after this. The most cringy chapters of my life are more clear now, though. Compassion for me is needed more than ever.

[EricaSwitzer]

My algorithm finally did something right. This lesson and message blessed me when my heart needed it most. If only it had 7 billion more views

[mzsonsie]

The whole world is privileged to have you Tim Fletcher. You are a blessing to many of us around the world. Thank you for doing this good work.

[susanellison]

This series presents my 40 years of learning in 60 hours. . Thank you, Tim Fletcher. Amazing series.

[carlalaporte]

I’ve been dealing with Imposter Syndrome most of my life. Both at work and even at church. So thankful for Tim and his wise teachings. I’m learning so much.

[addhoc]

There is something else too: mirroring. Between 0 and 7 years old you grow your own sense of self through mirroring with others. If your parents and first degree people dont mirror you: your emotions wants needs and your own perspectief and context is complletely unadressed then you dont develop a strong core. And you grow it later in life. No matter at what age you only grow an identity when it is mirrored. Other people are our mirror: by the reaction of others we learn how to relate to others but also to know ourself. To relate to others you need to be someone. You cannot socialize yourself on your own.

[hannavalenta]

Thank you for the word "co-narcissist". Much better than codependent in this context. And for mentioning that it takes those two people in those roles respectively to create that kind of toxic/dysfunctional family system.

[JasonWilliams-ronm]

I was quite the chameleon until I started to awaken spiritually. From a deeper place inside I watched my thoughts and emotions carefully and clearly. I’m thankful for the clarity given by God and on my life journey I’m always growing and open to learning

[alanmclain]

Wow, oh my goodness, as soon as I told my narcissistic husband how he was using my son's accomplishments as his own accomplishments, he denied it completely and acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. It really is an illness and they don't want to recognize this or get help to get the family healthy. If the family is healthy, then noone will feed them what they need.

[Steeddrums]

In one hour you have just given me 35 years of insight.

I am forever grateful for your work.

Wow.

Simply amazing.

You articulated my life so well and I feel so optimistic now.

[truebalticamber]

This content is pure gold. Researching about narcissism I found my own personal issues.

[glenncowan]

Effective communication without all the psychological jargon.

[waynewells]

Yea I think my identity is shame and lacking and always behind everyone else. I'm breaking free from that bandage of self. But I but on front for 30 years as an native American doing native American ceremonies but was not content or spiritual. I just kept doing it wearing a mask because I thought I didn't do it I wouldn't be accepted. Couldn't say no and extreme people pleaser. It taken me 11 years to find out who iam. Wow 40 years of my life trying to get over the first 5 years of life.

[melisentiapheiffer]

I have known who I was since my late teens! It's a wonderful feeling!

[deborahlincoln-strange]

I've worn so many of this masks, especially the hero/rescuer when there were crisis or problems or to make sure everyone was ok.

[emnpvrc]

But often people speak to me in a rude or abrupt manner, i don't know them, shop people maybe, then i get mean back, or superior to let em know i am not an idiot, this is frequent, so many rude or smart-arse people out there i wondered if it was just me being sensitive because i am 🥺 🥺 sensitive, i pick up everything acutely, i can see into people, if i meet a kind person with sense of humour its a blessing!

[davidnorman]

Thanks for this as a 8 year old boy hiding equalled safety and life, authenticity equalled murder pain suffering terror its extremely difficult to erase those old programs. Thanks for this video it reminds me of what i do almost subconsciously without even being aware of it

[OrbisonTributeArtist]

I am so very grateful for your work, Mr. Fletcher. I am only now discovering what the hell is wrong with me. Watching this series is the first step towards finding my authenticator self. Thank you so much.

[captain]

It’s the opposite I’m my family. Please mom at all costs. She controls everything.

[milliewoo]

Once I realized I was a co-narcissist in my past abusive relationships, I REALLY started listening and diving into this work like I was trying to resolve something. I didn’t ask to be warped this way by my childhood, I didn’t even really, fully believe it was “that bad” until recently (been in two minds about it for years). But now the way he explains everything it seems obvious it’s possible to heal and overcome some of these illnesses of character. Actually the way he explains it makes it feel not-so-painful to consider.. or maybe a higher power just brought Tim to me when I was ready for a more successful- and a SOFTER- approach.