60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 12/33 - Control Issues

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Many who experience Complex Trauma struggle with control issues. Why is that? What can be done to change?

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[tonimargeauxx]

I realized through this video that there are control issues where you want to have control, but also control issues where you were bound to other control freaks for way too long and now hate being controlled by others and so you can "do things your own way" out of avoidance of those triggers.

[shadowfax]

Thank you for including the biblical part in these talks. I always see people complaining about it, but no one thanks you. I really appreciate it.

[hearme]

Crazy thing is I had very loose boundaries, experienced a lot of trauma and became a control freak. I hate being this way.

[catherinewilson]

I knew I was a control freak; I didn’t know why and I also didn’t realize how close/identical it is to being a narcissist. Gonna have to work on that!

[monalisassmile]

I'm glad you are back. Thank you for your videos. The more I learn about my trauma the more empowered I feel. The more empowered I feel the better choices I make for my self and my family

[endureross]

Less than five mins in n I had the urge to cry...this is gonna b a rough self check

[kindheart_peacefulmind]

9/48 presently - 15 years ago i was probably closer to 25+ 😅 happy to realize my growth, but still working on 9 of these traits 💗 thank you for this video!

[jenniferkincaid]

I feel that the use of labels like “freak”, manipulator” etc is counterproductive. Many people with narcissistic traits have no idea that what they are doing is controlling or manipulative.
I respect your work and I am being helped by it. I feel it could be made more inclusive by putting an arms length between the harmful behavior and the actual person. Narcissistic traits are survival adaptations. They don’t always look like would be expected, especially to those persons with narcissistic traits. Softening the language would probably help people to self identify, especially if their traits are more vulnerable then grandiose. I know this was certainly true in my case. Tim, thank you for all of the time and effort you put into these lectures. And thank you also so much for making a clear separation between the material and biblical aspect. I would not have been able to sit through a single one had it all been biblically based.

[DA_]

I hit on a lot of those, but I don’t do it to manipulate/gain power over others. I do it to people-please; to avoid the pain of being rejected or disapproval. Worked great back then! Very maladaptive in my adult life now… Takes a lot of work to undo or re-wire these habits.

[Neptuneman]

Dealt with people like this throughout my life. Thank you for Preaching the truth at the end of the lecture. Spot on balance between Theology and Psychology.

[AboveItAllDroneShots]

So glad you spoke about the tree. I have been laboring over this because I think it is a root of what we experience today and all of history. I see a bit more in it than you spoke about. I am seeing a judgement that it gave Adam and Eve, their own judgement apart from God's judgement. The clue was where they were naked and unashamed just prior to chapter 3 and directly after they judged themselves differently, naked and ashamed. This was an identity issue, shamed based on their actions that were bad, verses their identity prior to the fall, they were good. God made all things and called them good. The tree therefore caused them to develop a disconnection from God speaking their inherit identity and now they have a shamed based identity.
I just want to say,
Your talks have helped me more than any other individual on earth! I appreciate you and your ministry. Thank you and God bless you!

[foxiefair]

I’m a control freak over myself. I can’t even meet my own expectations for myself, so I definitely don’t need to try to control others. 😂 I am not hard on other people like I am on myself. I like to see other people feel happy and accepting of themselves. The rules for me are very different. The only person that is allowed to control me is my creator.

[barrykulmom]

This one was hard to watch. So many of the 48 I got from having to be in control over siblings or chores. Didn’t even see that I was still doing many of them. Going to be work to change but I believe that I can.

[hman]

42:00 - The metaphor of "the tree of knowledge of good and evil" e.g the tree that gains you power and wisdom.

[Lion-.]

Excellent video 👍 I’ll be listening to it again.

[ilovesamyo]

Haha I have CPTSD and I’m married to a control freak. It took ten years to finally work out all the things you mentioned accurately in this video. Wish i saw this a decade earlier. Would have saved A LOT of dangerous situations

[angelal]

This is so enlightening & helpful. Thank you so much. 🙏🏼💜

[ladylucy]

I just love your videos and all the información I learn to know me and understand others in a better way.

[mychelequach]

Thank you Mr Tim Fletcher ❤
Your videos are so helpful

[Oceansoul]

Thank you so much! Needed to hear this. And I'm loving the Cristhian part, always❤