Inside the mind of a #narcissist, what's it really like? | The Narcissists' Code Ep615

What is going on inside the mind of a diagnosed narcissist? Are they happy? Content? Paranoid perhaps? Today's episode is dedicated to giving you the inside look of a narcissist that has been in #psychotherapy since October 2017

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

Thank you so much

[FireflySan]

This makes me wonder about my ex’s obsession with danger. Every little thing I did was dangerous. Eye contact. Smiling at cashiers. Wearing my clothes. Doing my hobbies. Dancing on stage. Oh, and everything I did was a “performance”. I was always “fake smiling” “fake having fun” “fake enjoying my hobbies” because I just want to look cool. I thought he was just being kind of annoying, but maybe he feels this in himself as well more than I thought

[nadineo]

I always feel bad for people with NPD, BPD, ASPD, DID, and even people like myself with complex-PTSD. It's so fucked up that we were not born like this. We didn't have proper caretakers, and that really sucks. My daughters father was a crip and grew up in violence with a mom who wasn't emotionally there and never held him accountable, and so much of what you say sounds like him. I had to go no contact, even tho my heart has felt broken for over a year over him. He was hurting me so badly. He wasn't physically abusing me, but his inner wounds were hurting me. He was so self protective to the point of hurting me. Shit sucks. I wish he would get better. He's the only one I have ever met that truly saw me. My inner child wounds and my grown woman self.

[sherryc.]

Thanks, Lee! Yes, to more of the mindset of a narcissist. You are helping us to understand, recover, and stay safe from future narcissists 🎄 🎄

[goblin]

Give your vulnerability a chance, man. Vulnerability is a nice thing, when you give it a chance in the right way. It's actually strong to be vulnerable, imo

[rtinmotion]

What you're doing is huge. You were made for this. You got this. I so appreciate your vulnerability and being real. Hope is OK. Let people hope. Just a little . Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The universe is teaching them too and God bless the other narcs learning because of you. You give them strength to learn too. We're all in a process of change for the better. We come together for a reason. Interestingly, one vlogger said the reason we go after ghosters is because inwardly we really don't want commitment even if we say we do. 🤯

[shinesobrightforever]

I think I have commented once before, but I literally binge watch your videos daily. Thanks for all your transparency.

[debbie]

God help you escape the daily hell that you live through 24/7. Keep going, your headed in the right direction. I am grateful. Debbie

[alycemaloney]

Because of narcissistic tendencies inside myself, I haven't been able to have a real relationship with anybody in my life that isn't more than a surface relationship, because my mind gets so crazy. I've been learning to try to embrace the good and bad inside myself and still only project the good things to other people, but it's been a huge struggle to not let the bad side loose. I know that I would lose everybody around me if I would say and do the things that are inside me, so I keep it to myself, and only say those things out loud when I am alone and in my prayers to God, because I know I would destroy my life otherwise. Good luck to you always, Lee. Thanks for being open and sharing.

[crystalspence]

I recognized this and thought the fact that I felt he was insecure had me stay with him for 25 years until I realized he was turning a few of my kids against me and treating the rest as bad as he did me. I finally divorced healed myself and remarried to the nicest man I have ever met. I worry that one of my sons inherited his dads narcissism. I don’t even have any clue how to deal with that.

[samanthasmiles]

"I need to find one way I'm better than you. Just to feel better about myself." Thank you so much for this!!! Gosh, for those of us who are forced to deal with the narcissists, this helps so much. My SIL is a narcissist, and I can not cut her off until her child is 18. If I cut her off, she will take my niece from me... so I have to play ball. This helps me have compassion. I agree that unless she wants to do better for herself, I can't help her. But until that child is 18, I'm going to play her game. Otherwise, her child will suffer. Your channel has been a game changer for me. Thank You!!

[luisacosta]

Thanks a lot for this explanation. I dumped and went no contact to my ex-Narc last October, and this quite sums it up. I wish all narcs could see this video, and go to therapy.
A big hug to all of you from Europe!

[ao]

Lee. God bless you for your transparency. It takes guts. I just want to add that the Narcissist can't shut off the thoughts cos the inner child is in pain. Hence why they need supply to regulate. Is too painful to face alone. 😫

[brandyschroeder]

Being raised by 2 narcissistic parents and a judgmental society I never really knew who I was but spending time by myself taking long walks and journaling venting out my frustrations and what I actually stood up for and who I wanted to be in the future and what I wanted to stand up for. People are supposed to be changing all the time based on their experiences. We're supposed to grow on an everyday basis. People are meant to have negative and kind of people come and go in their lives Negative people are supposed to teach us to be more cautious of the evil world out there and not just to give our hearts away What narcissists have to understand is that when they get angry over silly and small things they're giving away their narcissistic personality They're exposing themselves that they have a lot going on upstairs My mother used to try to get me to overthink and keep on beating myself up over small things I believe people just have to stop overthinking realize who they want to be what they want to stand up and that's who you become Good and bad people good and bad situations changed me a lot over time. What narcissistic people don't seem to understand is that non narcissistic people deal with a lot of the same struggles and thoughts that narcissistic people worry about Now that I know about narcissism I can see how a narcissist can give away their vulnerability all the time. Narcissistic people and non narcissistic people and people with narcissistic traits can all be vulnerable at times. We all have flesh and blood. We all can be hurt or killed. Taking long walks And journaling really help me out I'm not the type to meditate either I need to get out and just let my mind just wander. It seems to me now that my parents were trying to groom and condition me to become a narcissist.

[HighPriestessEmpathTarot]

Free thinking is a form of meditation. There is no ‘one size fits all’ form of meditation.
Many “non-narcissistic” people struggle to shut their thoughts off too.

This is a great video. It’s very insightful to get your own perspective - you’re brave to share it.

[cylaphillips]

Yes! You are our favorite. Self aware and most reasonable narcissist I've seen.

[missstarrynight]

It's super interesting! I've noticed I myself do have a feature which many narcissists have - "splitting". Even if I am not a narcissist! But I was raised by narcissists and I learned (by observation) that the world is black or white, and one can't be both. I love, Lee, what you therapists said: "Why no be both?!". I love it! I am learning to be both, and even if I am not a narcissist I struggle a lot with how i perceive myself in a splitted way and how I perceive others in a splitted way. It's terrible. I always hated it, but it was never modeled to me how to do it. So, as an adult I learn how to integrate my inner "pieces", pieces, which sometimes are very, very different, polarized.

[toylermiyoto]

My guy is providing an invaluable service

[dshonette]

Wowwww!!!! Whew chile the turmoil!!! I’ve been binge watching your vids and omg I wish I could’ve found you 14 years ago. This is how long I’ve had to deal with a narc & you have hit every nail on the head, spot on about everything. I want a one on one. Will be scheduling soon. Thank you so much and pls take care.❤

[bernaberna]

Marriage doesn't change anything even if they say it will. It will change you mentally if you are with the narcissist.

[stephlm]

So true.. we demonize all things “dark” but it really does depend upon how you deal with darkness.