They Break NO CONTACT | How to Handle the First Meeting

No Contact was hard enough, but you were able to stop yourself from reaching out and they missed you enough to text or call and ask to talk, or to meet up in person, so now what. Do you share with them all of the ways you've improved yourself and all of the ways you've realized how you could have been better when you were dating. The heartbreak was painful but you learned a lot and you want to show them how much better things would be if the two of you got back together. Do you pour your heart out or do you play if cool? Do you ask if they were with someone else or do you tell them if you were dating? Do you try to make the meeting last as long as possible or try to pretend like you don't care either way? Do you try to jump back into a long term commitment or take it nice and slow? After No Contact ends there will be a lot of emotions hitting you. Anxiety and fear drops but gets replaced with excitement and a new kind of fear - the fear of losing them all over again if you don't handle the first contact the right way.

[TrickyWookie]

When my ex contacted me after 6 months I was friendly & reserved, when she asked what I’d been up to I told her the truth- that I had been putting time into my business & things were going well.
Within 48 hours she started bringing up other guys to me in her messages- I told her it wasn’t really my business & id probably rather not hear about it or get involved if she’s seeing someone, I said I was open to a catch up in person maybe but didn’t see much point in getting into a just texting situation together.
Long story short over the next few weeks she basically attempted to get reactions out of me & appeared to want to upset any peace I’d found while not contacting her & being single.
This culminated in her saying ‘I don’t think we should talk anymore’ & ‘im with someone’
Which instinctively I felt may have been the case the whole time. She then just blocked me.
It pissed me off tbh, but this other guy can’t be worth much or why bother me 🤷‍♂️
Be gone

[johnbrown]

Our culture has made it so easy for people to break their attachments. I can see extreme cases of abuse or addiction, but decent relationships are tossed away and I think that is harmful to our spirits.

[tuootu]

Once you feel you’ve been ignored never bother them again.

[kyerashandel]

Wise words.. my ex and I have had an on/off 5 year relationship, due to differences in our lifestyles. Last 2 years we've only been in the 'friend zone' - he recently told me he had 3 dates with a woman. It has derailed me completely.. I always felt and hoped we'd come back together.. we are soul mates. After letting him know the door is open to rekindle.. I told him I had to bow out of contact to protect myself. It's only been 2 weeks, and it's been so difficult.. my mind focusing on only the good times with him and creating stories of him moving on. Torture.. I will continue but it's really been tough some days. Sending support and love to others who are suffering the same. 💔

[alisachaise]

Be the one to end meeting first.
Coach Ken like you mentioned in your first live video, like when exchanging things at end of relationship @meet up… same rules apply, “end meeting first; be joyful, & a bit playful, have somewhere to be going and say you have people waiting on you!” Be dressed nicely 😊don’t be over chatty, let them earn the conversation & earn the information, also they don’t need to know everything!!! It’d be best for them to not be aware of how they may have been your motivation to make changes. Don’t even discuss any of that- EVER! Puts to much importance on them. No 😂 😊
Y’all GOT THIS❤

[sauronishere]

You are a blessing. Thank you for your social service. Content and strong people make the world better rather than being destructive.

[TinaRios-uphb]

Hes right guys! I met my ex because she wanted to get our dog for a while and she was initiating a talk and started crying. I interrupted her and let her know that I wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say. She had already started crying but I wasn’t ready for it. She responded with “you never want to talk” and from there it took a weird turn. We started arguing about this and that and in the end what she wanted to say never got out. I then started going on and on about my life (at the request of her questions) and what I had been doing since our break up (which was less than 2 mths) and everything I had learned and was doing and updates on my family and job and it ended up having the reverse effect. Instead of her seeing how content I was and or confident/happy and making an advance towards reconciliation, she decided that I was too happy without her around and decided that she no longer wanted to try to get back together. I am kicking myself for not just shutting up and hearing her out bc she initially wanted to talk about reconciling. All I wanted was to do this. I prayed for it and then ended up fumbling it. So, moral of the story, listen to the dumper bc you never know what they may say and be mysterious. Don’t act on the impulse to dump onto them everything about your new life. Just listen.

[ginevratortora]

8 months NC + Long distance.
I know it’s hopeless but it’s great to prepare with you coach :)

[furgal]

Hey Coach Ken, you have a way of delivering the message, that is: powerful, believable, and entertaining. A rare talent.

[lineakristensen]

On day 27 here (wow, I almost can't believe it) and just hoping this will be relevant for me one day 🤞

[Kira-nvou]

lol the Spotify stalking really gives you the info you need... you dive deep into their souls

[NMN]

Lol, I love Coach Ken’s realness and the fact that he knows how us anxious types work!

[TheDarthpaully]

Love your videos coach. I did nothing wrong. She’s an avoidant and I got dumped twice. TWICE! I’m done, in no contact for almost a month. The killing the goldfish and hitting their grandma with a toaster gives me a good laugh I need and makes feel just a little better every day. 🙏

[psalms]

Let them do most of the talking or reply the same energy .. don't sound desperate.. Thank you

[reymariee]

my ex contacted me two weeks ago after about 6 months of no contact. it was midnight, i answered the third call. i figured after three calls it must be important, but he says "im sorry i shouldnt have called". i immediately hung up, out of disbelief honestly. he proceeded to call and leave slightly incoherent (probably drunk) voicemails until about 1am. i didnt answer again because i felt like if he really wanted to speak to me, he would call at a decent hour and sober. but havent heard from him since. its a relief to know he is definitely still thinking about me. but its disappointing that even after 6 months, he had nothing to say when i answered.. just hope if i hear from him again, he is actually ready to speak.

[andrewhu]

Getting a call or text or email from your ex-partner, then be civil and just block them afterwards. Bump into them in some place, then be civil and polite and avoid returning to that locality again. Its a big world full of new opportunities without rehashing what has proven unsuitable already.

[FrancoisMoolman]

Hi. Thank you for a great video. You have a really great way of creating mental pictures that makes it make sense and brings it home. That made a huge difference for me.

[boooootch]

Excellent video, as always… I love that you’re exploring other phases of this process, above and beyond the NC part of things. I’d also love to see some videos eventually exploring how to slowly get into some of the issues that caused the break up, as we start to find success re-attracting, and officially restarting the relationship. It’s not always one person, as we know… 😊

[SCnative]

I'm 60 and she just turned 56. I am the one who broke us up, and also partly responsible for her moving 300 mi away to live with her sister and daughter. I'm working on myself now.
Been respecting her "There's no more conversation to be had" since early May. Total silence.
Me - counseling, meditation, journaling, videos like this, Stoicism, bike riding and fitness and looking for better job after layoff. Breakup AND layoff this year! Yes, it was a bad 60th birthday.
Anyway, if my prayers to God are answered, and she actually does decide to reach out. the thoughtful concepts like in Ken's video here are helpful. There wasn't any abuse, but I did behave avoidantly.
It would be nice to be able to repair, and have a special emotional and physical companion like her in my/our senior years. All of my friends here and who I ride bikes with are married, so I'm kinda fending for myself in everything. I mean even something as simple as grocery shopping I miss her doing that.
Once I get back to work and feeling more "solid" again and have more to offer - if I don’t ever hear from her. should I just forget about love and live out my life as single person? I mean, I AM 60. I don't look it, and I am fit and healthy, but still?

[Reddude]

Stuck in the “I’m going through it and I just need my space. I’m sorry.” Which is worse in my opinion cuz I don’t know if she wants to stop seeing me or not. And for context things have great and then there is a complete 180 over a slight disagreement over nothing. So awesome.