ADHD masking in women ❤️ #adhd #adhdbrain #neurodivergent

[bingleberryboo]

I kept telling certain family members I trusted that i felt like there was a glass wall between me and everyone else and that it broke my heart constantly. They didn't care enough to give it a second thought. I was describing masking.

[lauramccormick]

Has anyone else found that after lockdown they've lost the ability or willingness to mask? It feels like I didn't have to for the better part of two years and now I can't any more

[kylaallen]

Pro-masker. Didn't get diagnosed until I was 62. It explained a lot!

[stacey]

I thought i was an introvert because i was always so very drained after socializing. Then i met my husband and he was the first person i felt energized after talking to him. I realized it was because i didn't need to mask around him. Then i realized i was masking so much around everyone else and that was why i was so drained socially all the time. I am actually an outgoing person, but the masking just drained me so much.

[Noonereally]

My boyfriend's daughter wasn't diagnosed until she was 12 and she was ONLY tested because i recognized her behaviors and fought for her. They all (her family) were adamant that she JUST had severe anxiety but i refused to let it go. It actually caused quite a bit of tension in the first year but then they finally agreed to get her tested and the dr was blown away that it took as long as it had because she actually has severe ADHD. There is still a fair amount of tension surrounding the situation with his daughter, i think because they are all mad at themselves for missing it... Though, they still somehow hold it against me. I refuse to regret my position in that fight and if i could go back and change anything i would've fought harder. She's now 13 and they're just starting to get into the trail and error phase. We met when she was 10. I'm very grateful that i managed to get through to them, she's a brilliant child and i pray they'll be able to help her find ways to successfully cope before she reaches adulthood.

[fairysnuff-]

Yes I did the same, my mum was exceptionally strict about ‘proper behaviour’, I felt so strange growing up, I ‘knew’ from comments at schools and at home that i behaved badly and was lazy and selfish however much I tried not to be…. however it was also good in a way because I learnt not just to give way to every behaviour and emotion whenever it happened
I learnt to ‘fit in’ as much as possible with the society I lived in

[gingersnap]

I use to be incredibly emotional, and still can be, like I would get angry or upset easily and just start crying even though I didn’t want to. Looking back now I realized it was because my body didn’t know how to respond to constantly having to hide and mask my emotions as people would always tell me I was too energetic.

[blmchenhippie]

Wow. Thank you SO much for doing this series! This was me at that age to a T!

It took me about 20 more years until I found out why I actually am the way I am after my husband recognized my symptoms in a YouTube video! I got my diagnosis about a year later.

This gives me hope that other women / girls with ADHD don't have to go through years of suffering before they learn about themselves and can start to forgive themselves! ❤️

Thank you!

[juliabures]

I’m so glad that you said you were fitting in and popular in highschool…… most things I read about adhd, always seem to say you didn’t do well in school and that you were the outcast. I had many friends in highschool and did very well grade wise. I can’t tell you how many times I sit back and think about this and wonder, why ?I’ve never heard anyone else share this similar experience. I know about masking but I never linked it to going that far back into my childhood …. Thank you for this 💜

[clementine]

I’m still trying to figure out who I am without masking. It takes a long time to learn after you’ve done it so long subconsciously

[abbywatson]

I didn't get diagnosed until 25. As a child I had a lot of the signs like talking in class, not following directions, and being behind academically. I was also bullied because I didn't understand how to act like the other kids and they thought I was weird and too different. Back then, especially if you were a girl, it just meant you were a bad kid. At home I'd have meltdowns and get screamed at or spanked. They put me in special ed part time and held me back a year, which caught me up. Then I was all of a sudden "gifted" though I complained that I couldn't pay attention. That was ignored because I was "such a good student" and "everyone's mind wanders sometimes." ADD wasn't real anyway, it was just a label lazy teachers and parents gave kids to make their own lives easier. I was gaslit that I was normal while repeatedly being told how abnormal I was and what I needed to do to "fit in." The result was a broken spirit and knowing something was "wrong" with me but not knowing what. I wasn't depressed, I just wanted attention. I wasn't "stressed" (I didn't know about anxiety until adulthood) because kids/teens don't have anything to be stressed about. I was just over reacting and attention seeking. Nobody had the time or cared to see why I was having difficulties so I hid them. My thoughts, feelings, or the unique way I saw the world didn't matter. I had to fall in line or I would never be accepted or have a successful life. The result was a very broken adult and a psychiatric stay. I now am diagnosed ADHD but I do believe I may be Autistic, I don't know if I want to go through the financial trouble or just the stress of trying to be formally diagnosed. I probably will never know how deep my neurodivergence goes.

[pinstripesuitandheels]

I didn't get diagnosed with a dissociation disorder until my late thirties because of how easily I could adapt to different psychiatrists and therapists. I quickly knew what they wanted from me, and I gave it to them. I did get diagnosed with ADHD, but more as an aside during one session with my then psychiatrist. He gave me some Ritalin, and that was it.
Only now I have been through a thorough diagnostic process with a specialist, and see a a special therapist who deals with trauma and inner child work, have I become aware how my ADHD impacts my daily life. Childhood trauma and ADHD go hand in hand.

[bellahexdanna]

I was very lucky to have guy friends that recognize I was odd, loved me for it and gave me a place to be my goofy self with them. Communication was always interesting but they were so supportive.

[morgan]

I so heavly relate to this. it feels like you're telling a part of my story. Thank you for sharing.

[strikerwoman]

same :/
and now because i had an addiction history, no one will even attempt to medicate me

i’m so defeated i’m just trying to fix myself, it’s like the medical professionals want me to fail

they make me feel like total dirt for ever being addicted to heroin in the first place, but now that i’m 4 years on drug assisted treatment, they still refuse to see that i’m trying so hard to help myself

it’s sickening and gives me very little hope for ever being able to take care of myself, or to have a stable future

i’m sorry to every single woman that has to go through this, i really am

[jo]

I was diagnosed with adhd at 16 but I really felt (and still feel) like I had/have a really hard time talking to others. It wasn’t very apparent until I was in high school and it felt like no matter what I said or did, most people would distance themselves from me. I felt incredibly awkward socializing with people who weren’t already my close friends. I tried telling my parents about this and they were straight up just like “I don’t get it, I think you’re cool, ” and basically implied that it was all in my head. Like yeah, you raised me to be cool to YOU but not my peers lmfao. I definitely had some internalized stigmas against autism for a while, just telling myself I definitely don’t have it, but I still know there is something going on there that isn’t just anxiety or adhd. I still have yet to talk to a professional about this in these more specific terms. When I was going through that at the time, I did have a therapist and I would share my struggles with making friends or even maintaining existing friendships with her and I really don’t think she understood because she responded somewhat similar to my parents and just gave me some icebreaker tips, but I truly feel like if I had been diagnosed with being on the spectrum, it would’ve been a different story, but those resources just weren’t there at the time for me to figure that out.

[Popcornnomnom]

I was 21 and had struggled through to college majors and had swapped over to another. I had applied to be a pilot and it turns out I also have dyslexia. None of that was diagnosed throughout my school career.

My sister became a teacher. When she learned the signs of ADHD and dyslexia she gave me a call. She said it was abundantly clear to teachers that I had it but without parents advocating for their children most kids don't get the support that they need because schools are stretched so thin. She told me it was incredibly important for my future children to make sure that I get them tested early and keep an eye out for it because ADHD and dyslexia is genetic

[cayceeadams]

I haven't been diagnosed yet but I know this is me. I masked all through school. This is wild I may have a touch of autism as well. I'm learning myself tho and working with docs on a proper diagnosis. Not being diagnosed early led to a ruthless addiction that tried to kill me. Thank GOD for Grace, Mercy and recovery! It was nothing shy of those three that saved my life!

[MultiKswift]

ADHD runs pretty heavily in my family, and I follow a lot of people with ADHD on social media and whenever they talk about it that seems like me. When I was little I had a neuropsych evaluation and the doctor said that I might have ADD and I need to be reevaluated once my anxiety and depression were under control, but that's only happened recently (late twenties). A few years ago I tried to bring up getting tested for ADHD and my psychiatrist told me that since I've been treated for anxiety my whole life, someone would have noticed if I had ADHD and would have started treating me. I recently got a referral to a neurologist for new neuropsych testing specifically to see if I have ADHD and she agrees that I do have it.

I've also been told I seem autistic by many people. Including a psychiatric nurse practitioner and a mental health coach. Several years ago I went in to see if I could possibly be autistic. After testing the doctor said I was not autistic and then in the next sentence said "you touch on the spectrum". Which was very confusing. So I mentioned it to the new doctor plus some of the issues that seem to be more autistic. And she said I don't have it because you can know within five minutes of talking to someone if they're autistic there's such a difference to them. Which confused me because I know about masking and I've seen several autistic people on YouTube or other social media and I wouldn't have been able to guess that they were autistic within five minutes of seeing them speak..

It's just frustrating because my experience seems to show that cognitive / mental health fields are very opinion based when it comes to diagnoses. Which is incredibly frustrating.

[emmalee]

My older sister was diagnosed in primary school because her inattentiveness was affecting her schoolwork. Teachers begged my parents to get me diagnosed as well but they refused because I was intelligent and I would grow out of it and i was constantly punished for my 'hyperactivity'.

In reality me 'growing out of my ADHD' was just me learning how to mask so heavily that noone could see it. When my ADHD started affecting my schoolwork in high school. I was punished for not 'applying myself properly' and 'being lazy' and nothing to do with the fact that my teacher only knew one way to teach something and that way just wasn't for me. I was failing my favourite subject and no amount of trying helped.