How to Forgive When it Hurts

Please watch: "The ONE Thing Every Christian Should Be Doing But Most Are NOT!"
How do we forgive those who have hurt us? This video teaches what forgiveness is NOT, how we should forgive and why we should forgive others who have hurt us deeply.

How to Forgive When it Hurts
How do you forgive someone who’s hurt you when everything in you wants to hold on to the pain?

Okay, so before we answer the question “how do we forgive” I want to quickly suggest that…
• Forgiveness does NOT mean the absence of pain (Joseph and his brothers). When you’ve been hurt it’s absurd to think that you will no longer experience the pain of what happened. The pain can and often times still will be there without the bitterness.
• Forgiveness does NOT mean reconciliation – When God says forgive it doesn’t mean you need to get back into a relationship with this person. It doesn’t mean you have to give them more chances to hurt you.

No, forgiveness simply means “to let go of the anger towards someone who has done something wrong: to stop blaming”

But the real question is, “how do we do that has hurt us?”

1. Trust God to Deal with them – Rom. 12:17 – Forgiveness is actually an act of faith (most people don’t connect the two) – – When we choose to hold on to anger, bitterness and thoughts/plans of revenge what we are saying is that that we don’t trust that God is going to deal with them fairly and so I must maintain control and take matters into my own hand and make sure they get what they deserve. (God I don’t trust that you saw the injustice that was done to me and that you are going to do anything about it. So because you aren’t or you’re taking too long I must punish this person myself…making sure they get what they deserve)

2. Clearly communicate how the person has hurt you (this is not always possible)
o Releases you of this heavy weight that you’ve been carrying inside of you
o You may be helping the other person from committing the same offense to someone else because the truth is they may not even be aware of how deeply they’ve hurt you because they’ve moved on with their life (relationship, marriage, city, church, etc.)
o Opens the door for possible reconciliation.

3. Pray for them – Matt. 5:44 – If you can get to the point where you can pray for them that means that you have gotten to the point where you want the absolute best for this person’s life which means you no longer secretly wish evil upon them. It means you can celebrate when God blesses them instead of hating on them (Prov. 24:17). One of the ways of helping you get there is to start praying for them (and don’t pray that God curses them…lol).

4. Stop talking negatively about them – James 4:11 – This is the EASIEST way for you to tell that you have NOT yet forgiven someone. Because when we are angry towards people we want everyone we know and everyone they know to also be angry with them and so we defame their character without them being present to defend themselves. And the Bible calls this slander which is a sin.

I’ve heard it said before that …“Unforgiveness is like drinking a poison and expecting someone else to die.” Finally, realize that you are only hurting yourself when you don’t forgive. In other words…if someone has hurt you, don’t allow them to continue to hurt you by giving them control over your own happiness, your own joy and your own peace of mind. Forgiveness is NOT for the other person, forgiveness is for YOU!

If you’re watching this on YouTube I’ve got some scripture passages in the comments section below that you can read that will help you

Additional scriptures on forgiveness:

Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:14-15; Eph. 4:32; Matthew 18:21-35; Col. 3:13; Matt. 5:23-24; Philemon

[VibeWithVida]

Forgiveness stops being so dang difficult when you realize you don't have to have that person in your life. Forgive them and if necessary, remove them. And DON'T talk garbage about them. Move on❤

[cebe]

Trying to forgive my Husband y’all pray for me!

[saranagh]

Love my Lord, but forgiving is easier said then done. Give the person back to God...and keep the person far away from Me. Game over.

[Jacqueline]

I guess we shouldn’t hold on to those negative emotions but sometimes it’s hard. They’ve hurt so you deeply it’s hard to forgive but if the Lord says to do something, you have to learn to take responsibility when you decide not to listen to his warnings. I chose to let go and pray for the person that’s hurt my badly, well the two people that hurt me. I realized that I didn’t want to learn the hard way and if God gives us many warnings, especially when it get repetitive, there’s a reasons for it and we have to try hard and listen and trust him even when we’re feeling in doubt.

[Godlywoman]

I made the choice to forgive, but I struggle mentally with CPTSD and when the memories resurface, I feel triggered with anger. When this happens I try to redirect my mind or declare forgiveness by faith over the memory. I have wandered of feeling triggered means I haven't truly forgiven

[conkervertex]

I've said everything I needed to say to her long after she betrayed me. I told her how I felt, what I went through, and how I had to take control of my life after her. She destroyed a massive friendship circle and truly gave me a lesson on how to trust people as I trusted her. She was almost my wife and she threw it all away on a person that was supposed to be my "friend". It was the worst feeling in the world and some days, I still feel pain from it.

I asked God "Why would you let something like this happen to me? I didn't do anything wrong."

Clearly, it was the wrong question - and it had nothing to do with God. However, it had a lot to do with Satan and how he overtook and inspired her to commit such evil.

When I talked to her, three and a half years later during a sudden run-in, I told her how long and grueling that time without her impacted me. How bad things were and how deeply she hurt me.
I'm hoping that she knows now never to hurt anyone like that ever again. My mom and close friends really helped me cope with the pain and mom told me to let God take care of both of them, whether it be positive or negative. It's a very hard thing to do, but if I can get to the point where I can pray positively for them, then I'll know that I truly forgiven them for betraying me.

It's a gradual process. Situations like this will take time, healing, and trust in God.

[magnavtwin]

it is easier to forgive someone who is not an immediate member of your family but it is more difficult when that person who has hurt you who is an immediate member of your family whether it be a parent or child or spouse and wild forgiveness is called for when the person is unrepentant it is more difficult

[daviok]

it's easy when it's a stranger but I find it difficult/impossible to forgive family as I expect better from them.

[kellarenna]

this was so helpful for me. I have a very young child with an extremely verbally/emotionally abusive man. I've had trouble with forgiving because I thought that meant i would have to allow him back into my life to hurt me more. I'm recently realizing that I CAN forgive him but that does NOT mean he has to be a part of my life, and I pray for him so often. thank you for the encouragement

[mikemartinez]

God I trust you and I'm letting go of my pain. IN YOU ALL IS POSSIBLE. AMEN

[gadbenezer]

Me personally I forgive alot of people even if they hate me, even though I did nothing to them. im someone who does not like violence.

[agapemills]

Pls pray for me not to deceive myself but to truely forgive, I am so hurt broken I don't want to live any more, I just want pain to go away as I feel crippled. In Jesus name God have mercy forgive me and help me to sincerely forgive as You hav forgiven

[christianprince]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Here I am, a Christian thinking that I have truly forgiven someone yet I have not. Thank you for opening my eyes to be better brother.

[justareminderministry]

I thank God for this channel, your teaching is with such simplicity and understanding and right on point, Many blessing to you in Jesus name.

[hiddengemsandpolishedarrow]

Any brothers and sisters out there who have dealt with Narsassitic abuse please know that step #2 is different for us, ABBA knows this He has us covered:) we dont get to skip this step but we have to achieve this by other routes.

[roselanemable]

I can truly see God in you brother Allen Parr 🙏✝

[pautabora]

This is really helpful. I hope everyone here who reads my comment would pray for me and my immediate family member to forgive each other. I'm tired, angry and regretful everyday and its a cycle I don't want to hold on to anymore because I know this isn't the real me.

[lindaludwig]

my dear brother, this message is Perfect. when we pray Our Father Who At In Heaven, it says Where that And Forgive Us Our Trespasses As We Forgive Those Who Trespasses Against Us. So You have said it all. Thanks so much and Remain Bless

[jhpvids]

Forgiving is hard but it can be done. remember it's for you not for them

[MimiW]

The most helpful advice on how to deal with hurt for me was step one. "Forgiveness is an act of Faith." . That's what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.