'We Learn It Too Late!' - Don't Argue or Fight With A Narcissist, Do This Instead... | Dr. Ramani

Dr Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University, and a world-renowned expert on narcissistic personality disorder. She’s written two books on the subject, Should I Stay or Should I Go and Don’t You Know Who I Am. She hosts the podcast Navigating Narcissism, and posts regularly on her YouTube channel, which has over 1 million subscribers.

WATCH THE FULL CONVERSATIONS:

Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist! - How To Heal Your Trauma & Find Happiness | Dr. Ramani

Heal Trauma & Chaos: How To Declutter Every Part Of Your Life Starting Today! | Dr. Ramani

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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

[Mermare]

It's so hard to get out, especially because they work so hard to make you feel insecure and weak. But being free is so amazing. Your life completely changes. If you're scared to get away, I promise it's worth it once you find your footing.

[carolinlovelifecoach]

Be aware of your own value.. some people are not worthy your time!

[Simonious_Monk]

This is like 5 years of high quality therapy concentrated into one talk

[yazs]

I wish this information was out 25 years ago. 26 years later I just learned that this is my life.

[Milestonemonger]

I'm 59. It took me over 30 years to come to the realization that both my sisters were taking advantage of my empathic nature generosity. They used guilt, shame, and blame to constantly manipulate me. I couldn't see it at the time because I was deep in it. Major, life-altering event in my life, never registered with them. They never remembered or followed up. They are incredibly selfish and self-obsorbed. When I finally mustered up the courage to push back a little bit, I was met with RAGE, shame, blame, and gaslighting.
I knew that staying away was my only option. I vowed to myself that once our parents were gone, I was going to make my escape.
My parents have passed, and I made my escape. It's been 5 years, and although, the guilt is still there, I'm now happy and free.

[ittbcvt]

I've never met Dr Ramani but she's been my best therapist.

[rosebeard]

And this is why Dr. RAMANI is so RESPECTED not just for all her work but for the REAL PERSON she is❤❤❤ we LOVE HER🤗🥰🤗❤

[seattlegrrlie]

I wanted my mom to be happy for me. She never was. I did finally accept that and move on.

[mhlorenzo]

I love that she accepts the wounds it left in her, because they are visible. It's refreshing to see someone who is not putting up a show or acting the persona the presumes being above it all and fully healed.

[shellshelly]

I learned to be a perfectionist as a very young child. If you were “perfect” then my abusive parents would not have an issue with me. I also stayed as quiet as I could possibly be. I realize, I rarely spoke as a child. However, I was AWARE of everything and everyone around me, and have a sixth sense with everything ; still. And with my narcissistic husband of 46 years, my quietness for the most part continued, at least situational. I divorced him, I found my voice. But it took time with therapy. The perfectionism never left me, and I like me just the way I am. I’ve been through hell and back. I’m proud to have created the love and life I have now.

[emilysnyder]

I love this woman. I thank God for the healers of our time. We didn't have a language for this decades ago... We had no map. It's hard to navigate with this kind of abuse. ❤

[Katyklb]

I'm thriving with help from amazing people!!. I disengage quickly from anyone showing any of these signs.
I felt like my wings had been clipped. Being alone is allowing me to be me. The grief is real.
I am very careful who gets to be with me in my personal space.

[Shukra]

Narcissism is verbal brutality and violence that has no law against it, unfortunately. The victims are left battered and bruised and worse, blamed for whatever happened. Narcissists dig the soul out of a person, piece by piece, until the victim is left hollow and powerless.

[brendadavis]

I’ve known for a long time that I am a perfectionist, but when Dr Ramani made the connection between perfectionism and the byproduct of abuse at the hands of a narcissist, a lightbulb 💡 went on!!

[bridgetbanwell]

Im chuckling as i listen.
I have survived a 2 year situationship. Ive been to hell and back. Deleted. He returned after a year last month as if nothing had happened, charming, and playful. in the meantime i have had the training. i picked up on the mind fuckery straight away and red flags .
I see-sawed, i began to feel sorry for him . Seeing his vunerable side, only to be discarded again.
Im surprised how quickly ive bounced back and truely feeling happy again. So now i see the funny side as it has played out to the script.
i feel sorry for the next woman

[annai]

I love how Dr Ramani is supportive to us, survivors. She doesn’t judge those who can’t instantly leave. She’s giving amazing support. She also explains us what has happened to us and what is happening to us after realizing that we were under the narc abuse.
I didn’t know I’m going through grieve, until I heard her speaking about it. It’s so true.
She’s so compassionate and empathic and everything we, survivors, are longing for.
Her advises are always the best ❤
Dr Ramani you are one of those people who have saved my life and helped me to get out of depression, anxiety and low self esteem… which I thought I was the reason of. Until I realized I was the only sane person in the story…

[AngelO-A-m]

Once you see you can’t unsee! I never looked at it as grief however that’s so true, you go through all the stages of grief! When you decide to exit & set boundaries the defamation of character begins! Real Narcissistic abuse is awful! Bruises heal yet emotional abuse is damaging to the core! Takes years to heal and the scars are deep

[ursuladraeger]

excactly what i went through.for over 50 years i hoped forgave !!!!he left always staying out in bars drinking.tell my fault.i was devasteded.for all those years grieving not understanding that uncaring behavior.fights children involved too!!!no emphaty when i cried.laughing enven!!!i was always a happy person, singing in the house happy with my children
later in a different cou try i had a 2nd friendship (accidental)never looked for that.a good listening friend.we stayed together (i still wanted my husband )he never changed!!!drinking staying out.his rights is his opinion.he was always right.!!!!now he is 90 years old meaner than before.lying about all.!!!!i have been abused for so long need to be on my own at piece..if i am able i will leave with my dog!hopeful i can get some help to leave.85 and taking this emotional pain is killing me.he is sooo friendly to everybody shows his fake character.he worked hard does many good things to show off!!!
but what i experience is hell for too long!!!

[princessgg]

This is 💯% right, it's grievance, like a death of a loved one, but no dead body, no funeral, just letting go of all your current life, family and everything else. I been processing for a year 1 in a half a lot of loses. Your no the same anymore. It's difficult to trust again.

[sukayna]

Very hard and conflicting feeling. To love someone who hurts you. 😢