Alain de Botton — The True Hard Work of Love and Relationships

What if the first question we asked on a date were, "How are you crazy? I'm crazy like this"? Philosopher and writer Alain de Botton's essay "Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person" was one of the most-read articles in The New York Times in recent years. As people and as a culture, he says, we would be much saner and happier if we reexamined our very view of love. Nowhere do we realistically teach ourselves and our children how love deepens and stumbles, survives and evolves over time, and how that process has much more to do with ourselves than with what is right or wrong about our partner. The real work of love is not in the falling, but in what comes after. (Original Air Date: February 8, 2017)

About the Guest:
Alain de Botton is the founder and chairman of The School of Life. His books include “Religion for Atheists,” “How Proust Can Change Your Life,” and the novel “The Course of Love.”

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[julie]

"We love our children more than anyone else on earth."... If only we could all say that was our childhood experience. The kids I was a nanny to felt more love from me than I did from my mother. I will go to my grave feeling I loved my mother more than she loved me because I gave her what I needed myself.

[sobrevida]

“We blame our Lovers rather than our view of love”

[freeagent]

Alain's intelligence comes not from the content, but by his ability to think of new topics. I never knew how many problems I have since discovering his channel. I thought I was a well adjusted, content human. I was wrong.

[CreateorDie]

I just need to make a comment about people being 'annoyed' by the interviewer.

It's a two-way "conversation." She's allowed to talk. Alain doesn't sound at all annoyed by it, so neither should we be.

If you want to see or hear Alain give a talk in a monologist manner, there's plenty of great ones here on YouTube.


When did we decide that interviewers are not allowed to talk, have input or add to the conversation?


"She" is inquisitive, authentic and genuinely intrigued.

"She" is well versed in his work, has her own thoughts, and adds value by prompting him with references to his other work, drawing parallels from her own experience.


By the way.. SHE is Krista Tippett.


Tippett was awarded the 2013 National Humanities Medal for "thoughtfully delving into the mysteries of human existence."


Her book, Einstein's God (2010), was a New York Times bestseller.


She received a George Foster Peabody Award in 2008, for "The Ecstatic Faith of Rumi", and she has three Webby awards for excellence in electronic media.

[Lilacleaf]

I wish she'd interrupt him less and wait to let him finish before asking him questions.

[aristotle]

I'd pay to hear what his wife has to say about how he courted her and talked her into saying : I do .

[me]

I so enjoy your work Alain de Botton! Everything I need to hear in the beginning of a new relationship at 31.

[aaron___]

Mute your mic when the guest is talking. Don't interrupt them either.

[richardobi]

Alain is one of individuals that I am inspired and admired by their knowledge, wisdom and insights about the major deep life questions.
But I felt and thought the definition of love, is not what I recognised in this stage of my consciousness. I sense is too vapour to be put in a box because, there are seven billions people in this world, continents, countries and not even mention cultures, beliefs and life challenges.

For me love is subjective, and the question asked: what is love for me? For me, love is a deep connection, and that varies depending on the level I matched with others. I have few relationships in my life that demonstrated deep connections which I feel secure, joyful, graceful above all able to give and receive. When time of good and down.

I just thought, I want to express my view, but whole dialogue is engaging and educating. Thank you for doing this.

[Patatata]

"we need people to be able to explain their imperfections to us in good time before they've hurt us too much"

[danielwei]

Great wisdom as usual. The only critic is the seemingly lack of patience in listening and waiting for others to finish their comments before jumping in

[rebeccaroper]

This was an incredible conversation. I walked away with some new hard truths and an inspiring, opportunity for reflection.

[danedwards]

Very helpful insights. As a sulker, I especially valued that part. But the main point I value is his making "getting real" as the pre-requisite to love and then work for a "good enough" relationship as a broken person in a broken world.

[Bloated_Tony_Danza]

I kind of like the interviewer, it’s just a nice conversation to listen to

[Fefe]

whenever a host interupts the person I came to listen too, I cant help it, I have to go. lol I can find Alain without the hostess

[lucyairapetian]

I dunno, his ideas are already known through his lectures. I enjoyed to learn new information that was the product of their dialogue.

[gregorykollarus]

Love this conversation! :) this is wonderful

[TheYouTubeBusiness]

Self discovery is the absolute new SUPER POWER

[lawaleto]

To me, lots of the complaints about the interview come from the fact that Alain’s works are mostly monologues. And people just aren't used to him being interviewed as opposed to giving sermons

[thisgame]

I found a real soulmate after dismissing it as impossible for almost 4 decades. She told me one day that it scared her how little she truly knew about herself and this shook her to her core. She was far to in love w me and thought she would simply dissolve. Her family said I was bad for her but I didn't do anything but be too good for her. They didn't want to see her be truly happy. She ended up in a mental hospital For two months because she came from the evangelical world and they all said they'd never speak to her again. Family and friends. I've never seen her since. I'm unable to try now because I experienced that level of love. I hated the word before that. It's a overly used word. That kind of love is so rare