How Relationships Reveal Our True Selves

One reason why relationships are valuable is that they enable us to know ourselves better; being part of a couple can help us to understand who we are.

FURTHER READING

“One reason why relationships are valuable is that they enable us to know ourselves better; being part of a couple can help us to understand who we are.
Our partners may see what we no longer can; both what is adorable and what is more perplexing and difficult. They might, for example, remind us that we’ve told that anecdote (three times) before or that purple doesn’t suit us. They can tell us that we’ve overreacted to a problem at work or that we’ve placed our trust in an envious friend. Their responses give us a chance to grow sightly less obtuse, haughty and peculiar…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Léon Moh-Cah

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

[hugotomasso]

Someone told me a lil thing along this vein of thinking today; "Honesty without compassion is cruelty & kindness without honesty is manipulation." It really sparked into my mind whilst watching this!

[VollDerMort]

"The only people that we don't want to change are the people we don't care about." There's a lot of wisdom in this.

[Pidea]

Classic, "I'm more myself now that I met you. "

[trinaq]

"We expect the love we think we deserve." No truer words were ever spoken.

[erinsuzy]

In the beginning of the relationship it was harder to hear criticism. After 15+ years it gets accepted because he's my best friend and I trust his judgement now. You have to BOTH be interested in self growth though.

[aoyenngoc]

If it's not love, it's a lesson.

I have learned to accept all the heartbreaks, delusions, and rejections that I've garnered after every failed (or once-hopefully-to-be) relationship over time. Magically, I've become wiser, less dependent and more trustful toward myself, eventually ameliorating the most important relationships in my life: with my family and with me. Knowing that if we can't learn sth by ourselves, we will have to be taught by sb or sth else. The bitterness and the resentment are still there but accepting and letting go have become easier common practices.

May every good heart out there be heard and be loved at the end one day.

[earnyourimmortality]

Maturity is of the utmost importance for a fruitful relationship.

[mondgaytano]

Using phrases like “maybe you..” and “i feel like..” when expressing concerns or discussing traits with my partner has significantly improved our communication with each other.

[jovandavidovic]

In interpersonal relationships, people often exchange hidden or manipulative messages that are based on some of their deep-seated pain and fear (most often from their childhood). This prevents them from feeling real closeness with another person, from building a healthy relationship and from feeling happy and understood in that relationship. I truly believe that it's so much important to be clear in our relationships with other people and to openly say what we want and what we expect, what doesn't suit us, what we like, dislike and what our values and plans are.

[SariGhali]

Learning from a partner requires humility and not everyone is humble enough to take some feedback delivered by a well intentioned and well mannered partner in positive way..

[Noemi]

Your partner is your mirror. In conflict, they can reflect your worst traits, impulses, and behavior back at you. And if you’re willing, you can look in the mirror and try to improve. And if both are open and willing to improve for the betterment of the relationship, then it will continue to grow & flourish. But it’s not without criticism and growing pains and hard truths. Real relationships aren’t as romanticized as the movies and stories we grew up with, they are beautiful and loving but also difficult to coexist with another human, but unfortunately people give up due to idealizing relationships and what they SHOULD be like. Find a partner who is willing to grow and help you grow.

[sailom]

How my last relationship ended. She wasn’t interested in hearing out my problems or concerns. It would always be dismissed or turned around back at me until I just couldn’t take it anymore. Find somebody that respects and validates you.

[jaykay-_-ok]

Key insights

💑 Being part of a couple can help us understand who we are, as our partners may see what we no longer can, both the adorable and the more perplexing and difficult aspects of ourselves.
😬 We come to love hoping to be admired, but our partners may notice our shortcomings and disappointments.
😡 Instead of using difficult news for self-improvement, we often get insulted and block our ears in relationships.
💔 True love is compatible with attempts to teach people who they are and how they might improve.
💔 Most relationships collapse because two people didn’t want to know more about themselves; the knowledge was too hard and the way it was shared was too tough.

[jas_bataille]

This is why toxic relationships are incredibly hard on your psyche. Someone telling you things that you aren't make you reconsider and even possibly mold your identity around a caricature of yourself made by someone who might just actually have bad intentions and is lying to you or to both you and themselves.

[salimsohaib]

We appreciate your effort in trying to reveal our true selves to us.

[YUL]

"The only people whom we don't want to change are those we don't care about." Thank you for this nugget of wisdom.

[Miss_PANDAS]

Brilliant wisdom. "The only people we don't want to change are those we don't care about." How true. It is only out of love that we want people to do better.

[adventureswithwonu]

the popular book “the road less traveled” goes into this concept - love is only real if it is disciplined and hopes to inspire growth in the other. Great video

[anamaria-dbpq]

this video comes in the perfect timing for me! I am in a new relationship and my partner is starting to spot my not so perfect traits now and the other way around... and I was starting to question my "quality" as a human being because I am not perfect, which is of course ridiculous. It's just that you can't hide your imperfections in a relationship anymore... but that is probably the beauty of love: to be loved as a whole being.

[NexCuento]

Indeed, relationships are vital for self-discovery, promoting personal growth through constructive feedback and fostering trust. Overcoming pride is key to this process, as we should be receptive to feedback and offer it with kindness. Establishing a safe, trusting atmosphere within relationships leads to more enriching connections.