IMPORTANCE OF BEING FRIENDS FIRST | GODLY DATING ADVICE

101 *FREE* tried-and-true conversation starters to strengthen your relationship!

Tune in for episode four on the importance of being friends first! The common dating philosophy is that you get to know the person *while* you're dating them - find out why this thinking is fundamentally flawed and why getting to know them first is such an important part of building a lasting relationship! Did we miss anything? Drop a comment below!

GOT A QUESTION?
PM us and we can make it the topic of a future video!

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💌 SHOW NOTES:

This week we’re covering the importance of being best friends in a relationship - how to build a solid foundation of friendship first and how to continue getting to know your significant other once you start dating them.
(0:48) Being friends first lets you get to know them on a deeper level. You’re not putting your best foot forward.
(0:51) The common dating philosophy of getting to know someone while you’re dating them is fundamentally flawed. You’re introducing emotions into the mix with someone you don’t know yet! Bad idea!
(1:10) By being friends first, you get to see them in different environments and see how they communicate with those around them - their family, friends, teachers, classmates - people they like and people they don’t like. Get to know who they are as a person, not just a love interest.
(1:33) Get to know them in community without an agenda of seeing if they’re bf/gf material.
(2:06) The physical side of a relationship requires a certain level of commitment to be appropriate.
(2:19) If you rush to the physical side, you base your entire relationship on what you do instead of who you are.
(2:33) Build the friendship part of the relationship instead of rushing to the physical side.
(2:55) People often see compromising physically as a substitute for commitment in a relationship.
(3:15) Being someone’s lifelong teammate is based on so much more than superficial similarities.
(3:23) You can see their flaws much easier if you see them as just a friend - people compromise really easily if they like someone.
(4:05) When you ignore little things that amount to a big thing in the end, it’s because you’re looking through a false starry-eyed lens.
(4:17) What does this look like practically?
(4:41) “We’re already friends..” Ask lots and lots of questions! Come up with a list of questions! Check out our free eBook of conversation starters here:
(5:29) Fragile Intimacy explained. You have to have a depth and breadth of knowledge in a person’s life to understand who they are. Different parts of people can influence they way they make different decisions.
TL;DR - Stay in community, build friendships, and ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS! Trust that in making friends, God will lead you to the *right* one!

Join us next Monday for Episode 5! Any thoughts on the vlog? Drop a comment below! We'd love to hear from you. See ya next week!

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ABOUT: Most of the dating advice out there is on what not to do - join us as we learn and share our two cents on how to actually go about building a lasting, happy, godly relationship from the ground up! Sound interesting to you? Hit that thumbs up button and give us a sub!

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DISCLAIMER: Any blog posts, video episodes, social posts, or other communication through One True Pair (even if referred to as “advice”) is simply our opinion and perspective in relation to our process. Every relationship is going to be different, so we encourage you to use your own judgement and discretion in regards to if, when, or how you apply any of the things we talk about. We’re not responsible for your actions or decisions - positive or negative. YOU are responsible for your own life and relationships. We’re offering our input to the best of our knowledge and with the best of intentions, but please don’t take anything we say at face value. We really hope this resource is helpful to you, but it’s up to you to prayerfully consider and decide for yourself what you want your own relationship to look like. By watching and/or reading OTP, you agree to this disclaimer.

[buhonero]

Most of my relationships started out as a friends, it's mostly about not having expectations. Friendship built a foundation and substance in my experience, there's no rush or pressure and I prefer it that way. I am a guy, btw.

[ratelhoneybadger]

Lol! As a woman, I can't see myself being relaxed/friendly around someone I have feels for🤷🏾‍♀️

[dariusthurman]

The time for friends first was middle school and high school but honestly it usually doesnt work. If youre just friends, someone else is gonna come along and be an actual love interest.

[kariseqq]

Thanks for the advice, that motivates me a lot! I was afraid of confessing to a friend just because I don't wanna ruin a friendship, and also some of my friends told me they won't confess to their "friends category" and that they kind of decide who they see as a potential partner from the beginning but your video enlightens me to step out and make changes with confidence. Thank you.

[TyraHigh]

As an agnostic this is still valuable, funny and enriching for me. Thank you.

[bkstandard]

I'm 36 and can tell you with utmost certainty that the friends first approach does not work in general. I don't care about anecdotes. One they see you as a friend, you aren't likely to leave that friend zone. If you do break out, that person would never like you as much as you like them.

[zachmartin]

Is it bad that I cried while watching this because I realized just important getting friendzoned actually is when u meet your soulmate?😭

[stankyrandy]

Thanks for the info! This is so important and grossly overlooked in the toxic secular culture which surrounds us. We pray for God's grace to make us get to know people we feel love for first before anything else.

[Tony-DWK-]

I enjoyed very much the humor and the collabortive presentation. Please do more on old friends turning into Godly relationships. Thamks!

[dawnbarber]

Your presentation of this valuable information was refreshing and encouraging. You are exactly right to become friends with someone first. You have reinforced that it is important to like the person (as a friend) as well as love them. Thank you and best wishes

[lahonymanor]

After years of dating guys and not getting to know them first, I've decided I want to have a friendship first and that way I don't find out stuff about the person afterwards when we are already dating. If he can't wait to get into a relationship then he's not for me.

[cuteandfluffypikachu]

I’m only friends with my crush we are close he’s sad if I’m sad happy if I’m happy always wants to hang out I have chronic depression and he’s still there trying to make me feel better 😊😊😊

[laurenstanfill]

That was super helpful. I am so glad I found your channel. I feel like I am seeing relationships in a different and positive way.

[chisatatum]

How can you get past getting to know someone just as friends that i like? Without the friendship making you feel rejected?. I had a lot of guys back then said they just wanted friends and said that to me but ended up going for someone else who they thought was better looking than me. I was devastated. So lately i met this guy who is really kind and sweet sofar. I tomd him that i like him and I'd like to get to know him more. He said that he likes me too but isn't ready for anything serious bacause he wants to better himself and be able ti have something to offer. At first i felt triggered back to that past insiident so i was about to get up and leave after telling him that i felt rejected. He felt really bad and said no hes not rejecting me he is just not ready at the moment and later he explained deeper that he doesn't want me hurt and that he wants to be friends. He just says he doesnt have anything to offer at the moment. How do i get advice for this?

[LandoCalani]

This video was in point. Only wished it was longer.

[Pinkcandy]

I feel bit sad. We r friends now for 9 months and he says he loves me but... Still just friends :( 😞 is 9 months too slow? Please. We hold hands but no kissing.

[blessedupshea]

I’m scared of being a friend to someone I wanna date because at any point a time a guy can sweep them from under my feet what if you don’t see them as a relationship anymore they can decide you can stay in the friendzone forever now all that time was for nothing just a waste that didn’t go anywhere 😞

[christopherbarbour]

I can understand that relationships takes patience and time though it's easier said than done, as a Christian you want to be safe and find out what kind of person this is of course with appropriate boundaries.

But me as a Guy, and a Christian, who's Autistic too, who's experienced friend zones, I've learned that it just doesn't work. And I've learned the hard way. Because you can't guarantee that the person you like will overtime come around.

1. It's impossible for a guy & girl to be just friends if 1 party is attracted to the other on a romantic level, but the other is on a friendship note.

2. A guy is just your friend only because you've made it clear that there's nothing more than that. What most guys do and I've done it too, is that we just accept the friendzone in the way "Godly Way Advice" hoping, trusting, believing, and praying that somehow there will be a small crack in a door of anything that she'll come around. Because we're guys, Godly and all.

3. In reality, it just doesn't work...It brings a lot of pain and dread when someone doesn't see you as a shot on a possible romantic level the way you do towards that person. Overtime as a guy you don't see her a much as a "Friend", you see her just more of an Associate. Because it's simple, if she likes you the way you like her, she'll give you a shot(even if things don't work out). Isn't that the point of dating while there still boundaries? Still getting to know one another(not just only in a romantic way), finding about strengths and weakness, the desire to be given a shot by someone we're attracted to.

That's kinda why most Christians just end up dating Non Christians, because there's more open chances for them. That they feel that someone that they like outside the body of Christ is willing to give them a chance on a possible romantic level even if things may not work out(Even at that mostly it does work out) To get to know the opposite sex 1 on 1 that they're attracted with no distractions of other people, an extended time to getting to know one another.

[ryandawson]

I will say it can be difficult though. I am dealing with a situation like that right now.

[jenniferl]

Thids is such great sounding advice! Thank you!!