How To Go From 'Friends' To 'Officially Dating'

So you’ve been hanging out with a cute guy. He’s smart, he’s funny, and you’re super comfortable around him. There’s only one problem. You’re just friends.

Believe it or not, it’s definitely possible to go from just friends to dating and I’m going to tell you how in just a second.

Hi Youtube, I’m Amy North. I’m a relationship specialist and it’s my mission to help women find the love they want and deserve. So let’s get into it.

Is dating a friend a good idea? The answer is, it depends. Before you make a move, you need to be sure of your true feelings for this guy.

You’re comfortable together, he makes you laugh and when he’s around, everything just seems a little brighter. But do you really like him romantically?

Ask yourself these four questions before dating any friend.

Do we want the same things in a relationship?

Obviously you work well as friends or you wouldn’t be considering changing the relationship. But do you want the same things? If you’re close then chances are you already know whether or not he’s looking for something serious. If you don’t know, then casually bring up dating and relationships and see if you two share the same outlook and values.

2. Would we be good together?

Wanting to be together is one thing, but are you two a good fit? Do you go together like peanut butter and chocolate or are you more like peanut butter and gravy? This can be tough to suss out without actually taking the plunge but think of it this way: does he make you feel good about yourself? Does he build you up or tear you down? Could you two be stuck in an elevator together for twelve hours without driving each other crazy?

This is where dating and friendship are different.

3. How would dating change our relationship?

Going from friends to more than friends is a big change. It’s common we get hooked on a guy because he’s funny and charming and we like the way he makes us feel as a friend but will we feel the same way when the relationship changes?

You’re going to be spending more time together and relying on each other more often. Do you think he’s up for that? Are you?

Plus, you need to consider what would happen if things don’t work out. It’s common for dating to ruin a friendship or even disturb whole friend groups. This shouldn’t dissuade you from trying but it’s important to be aware of this moving forward.

4. Why are we not together already?

This is the key question. If you two are attracted to one another and you’re both available, why are you not together already? You clearly have chemistry or you wouldn’t be watching this.

Make sure you know the answer to this question before you move forward. Quite often it’s as simple as the fact that you were seeing someone else when you met, you’ve changed as you’ve gotten to know one another, or you don’t know how the other feels.

But sometimes it’s because he’s just not interested. Be honest with yourself and make sure that you have a chance before you take your shot. You don’t want to lose a friend and a boyfriend.

All that aside, there are plenty of reasons that it’s great to date a friend

For starters, a lot of great relationships begin as friendships. Look at Chandler and Monica. Robin and Ted. Penny and Leonard.

This often works because you’ve already made a connection outside of the bedroom and you know each other’s personalities and values.

You know what it’s like to spend time together and you enjoy just being yourselves. This takes a lot of the guesswork out of the early parts of a relationship so you can focus on the passion.

Plus, if it’s a long time coming, the anticipation alone makes it super hot and exciting. Plus, you get to finally see them naked. What’s not to like?

Alright, so you’re convinced. You’re going to make him yours. But how? This is way different than getting together with a guy you’re not friends with. We’re in uncharted territory here.

There’s good news though. You have a natural advantage: access. You’re close and you clearly get along. You know a lot about him and you know what he likes and doesn’t like. And if you two are really close, you know what he likes in a woman and what he doesn’t like.

*** More from Amy North: ***

[cherry-almond-cake]

I love your videos and you're so pretty!! 😍😍❤️❤️💕

[tempa]

As a guy, that "don't stop dating" advice is pretty bad. There might be a couple guys who think they can just sit by and wait for you if you do this, but the majority of men will just take that as confirmation that you aren't interested in him and rule you out as a partner – most of the time we've been taught by experience that a woman who dates around other guys is just a friend and isn't interested. The guys who hang around jealously are probably not the ones you want to keep around anyways. Playing games like this will get you nowhere. This advice only works if you are deeply entrenched in being "just a friend" already with him already dating around and the only way to escape is to fully distance yourself and return stronger later. Most men do not find women who date around a lot more desirable.

[krish]

I think the best relationship always starts from good friendship as you already know each other inside out so risk of anything unwanted happening is lower.

[datingcoachryanpatrick]

So true, Amy. There is a lot of wisdom in the expression "friends first." This is exactly how my wife and I began - we were friends, then business partners, then lovers, then a committed couple. Becoming friends with a guy is a great, risk-free way of testing the waters with him (and same is true for a guy with a girl "friend"). It gives you an opportunity to stack up your values next to each other without any formal commitment before being able to evaluate if the relationship even makes sense for you. And I just want to really debunk a huge myth here -- *don't fear the friend zone with him.* It's actually a very strategic, smart place for you to be. Why? Because the friend zone is never forever with a guy; it's actually very fluid and can change instantly with the right circumstances ;)

[Marmotus]

I just have to point out to people watching this that some or all of this is not universal. Particularly the point about dating others to try to seem more desirable.

If you're dating others while we're friends I will assume you don't have feelings for me. And it's not something that I find attractive. What's the point of making me jealous? That's just toxic. I'd end the friendship right there if I had feelings for you too. Not gonna live with just being friends with the one I love.

[brianyerby]

I've been knowing mine for 9 years just started dating and we both feel the charges some good some bad but overall good we been tested with life related issues but we both sticking with each other through it all.which proving more to me she may be the one we talk about futures and everything marriage a baby all of that

[southsportsdude]

“Just friends” is where me and my crush currently stand, however, it’s building to a “True Friendship” then eventually, if I build up the courage to tell her, then hopefully it’ll be “Dating.” I’ll update,

[savelikeaprowithleah]

Its good to be friends first.So you get to know the person first and see! Thanks for sharing! Have a great day!

[lavayuki]

That weird grey area of friends with benefits is not a great place to be. I made that mistake once with a friend, and it ruined our friendship as I found it hard to go back to being just friends without the sexm it felt too awkward

[mikekyto]

Is this also working with an ex? She broke up because of losing feelings (I wasn' romantic anymore and just acted like a friend at the end). 3 year Relationship was healthy and the break was clean. I'm now working on myself and wanne give her the space she asked for. I wanne ask her out in 2020 for a coffee meeting just as friends. But my goal is a new relationship eventually.

[eogplayz]

What should you do if he already knows that you like him? The guy I like used to like me back, but before we started dating, he asked to just be friends. How do I make him like me when I've already confessed my feelings?

[chileanguyfleegman]

"guys are dense", as a professional guy I agree 100%.

[SaraandJoseph]

Just asked out my crush who is my friend and he said yes 🥳

[probablypablito]

As a guy, some of this advice is eh. Some of it is true, (especially that we can be dense / not know sings of flirting), but the rest of it not so much. For example, you say to "look your best". When you do that it raises the bar around each other. If you are constantly wearing sweats and hoodies then it shows that we can be comfortable around each other, which to me is a much more valuable trait in someone.

I honestly believe that just flirting is the best way to go from friends to dating. While they may not get it at first, eventually it will become obvious enough to the point where the seed will be planted in their head about whether they like you. Once that seed is there it becomes a million times easier to do as they are on the lookout

[bbangel]

I do I really like her I was flirting with her at first I told her to go out with to have fun with me but she was ain’t ready for it then I refused to watching her Ig histories but i couldn’t now I just started to talk her normally idk what to with this situation now if jus start my journey as her beff, flirt with her, or just stop talking with her !🤦🏽‍♂️

[digitalgenre]

As a man I agre with everything apart from "Never Stop Dating" I don't know any man that trust a woman whom flirt with him while dating the other guys. In fact he is going to thing that he is not the only one she's been flirting with. He would never take such woman as a wife.

[christophernash]

My close friend works with me, but luckily if things go wrong when I reveal my feelings to her, we don't see each other too often. But, when we do see each other and talk we are so entertained by each other and laugh. We also have deep conversations.

The reason I consider her my friend is because we can talk for hours and even when we disagree we are respectful to one another and we really get each other. She likes to talk more than I do. There's never a dull moment and we always hate ending the conversation when we have to move on to other things.

[indisingh]

I think I'm still n will always be at friendship but my key here is Patience If needed correct me here Ms North Thank You

[anushmitadutta]

Hey Amy ... Thanks for this tips...can you please make a video about "how to get out of the friend zone ?" When he friend zoned me, it is really confusing at this situation... Please I request you to make a video about this

[violetgodwin]

Fuck I confessed all my feelings lol I need help w flirting