I Don’t Feel That “Spark”, Should I Go On A Second Date With Him?

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You’ve been on two or three dates with a guy.

On paper, he seems great. Well-educated, kind, good career, knows how to dress himself.

But you just don’t get those butterflies when you think about him. You don’t feel that tingle of passion you’ve felt with other guys you liked in the past.

Should you give him another try? Or lose him now and move on so that you don’t waste anymore time?

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, my brother Stephen and I talk to a caller who is struggling with this dilemma of choosing between CHEMISTRY or COMPATIBILITY, and determine whether it’s smart to go after one at the expense of the other.

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[ayumisakaguchi]

"Life is long when you're unhappy" 👏😞 so true

[nicolef]

To be honest, on my first two dates with my current boyfriend I didn't feel the spark. I was very unsure of him. However, on date three I felt the spark. I met him online so it can be hard to translate an online chemistry in person but it's possible. I've been with him for over three years and I'm happy that I didn't walk away after the first date. Keep in mind, that some people (not everyone) can feel the spark with people who end up being jerks or just aren't compatible. Take your time to just get to know the person, like really know who they are at their core. Some of the best romances don't start with love at first sight but still have a happily ever after.

[gusswh]

If you're looking for a spark, you're just a chasing a feeling. Feelings don't last. You have to focus less on being ATTRACTED to each other and more on being CONNECTED. You have to be compatible, or else it won't last. Simple as that.

[MatthewCoast]

I think you have to consider patterns too. If you're normally REALLY attracted to guys who are bad for you, you might want to try something new. People CAN grow on you if they behave in a way that allows for it. If they don't, they won't. You may want to give it more than just ONE date to determine this if you normally are REALLY attracted but you've learned that when you feel that way he's usually bad for you.

[stargazerlily]

When she says chemistry, she means attraction. She's not physically attracted to him. I can almost guarantee it.

[wendywardashley]

This woman has 100% summed up how Im feeling right now.

[mrslampard]

To be honest a spark is something that happens before you go on a date. It's the thing that makes you want to go on a date. The poor woman sounds so not excited and that's because she's just forcing herself to like this guy. I personally could not be with someone if there was no chemistry no matter how perfect they are on paper. Also you can tell a lot about a person from the first date let alone second date. You should be excited about being with someone not hoping & wishing you'll start liking them eventually.

[leesteal]

The best thing that can happen for you as a woman is to not feel "that spark." When we do, we start acting stupid and then men take us for granted.

[MySweetIsabella]

I have to disagree on this one, the spark isn’t an indicator that the guy isn’t who you’re looking for. You have to get to know the person in a deeper level to build a meaningful, intimate relationship. If sparks are the only base of all relationships, we’re all doomed to fail. Coz the spark won’t last a lifetime. We will all get to know each other eccentricities and we may not like it all, but that what’s makes us all perfectly imperfect. I didn’t feel a spark in my first few dates, but two years into the relationship and we are more in love than ever. I’m more excited to see him daily and I’m always excited to have our “weekday life talks”. Everybody’s different, but I have to disagree on this one because I don’t think the spark is a determining factor.

[snowman]

This is the first time I've ever disagreed with Matt. I've dated girls were there was no initial spark because we didn't know each other enough to feel comfortable being ourselves. A second date is hardly any commitment so I don't see why it's a big deal. Give it a shot if the alternative is just watching Netflix.

[emoreland]

By the time I met my husband, I think my "spark" was burnt out. I think because I have dated so many guys before him, that I had that "spark" with, that it took a lot more for me to get "sparked" (If that makes sense). I think what really caused the "spark" in me with my husband was when I could tell that he really cared about me and it made me realize that he was different than all of the other guys. ,
So by the time I dated my now husband, it was more than him being gorgeous, handsome, sexy, smart, witty, and more to make me "spark", just because of past experiences. He had to get past a lot more with me than I allowed other guys to. Also, by the time I had met him, I had set higher values and boundaries and in the end, found a winner!

[EJ-bntc]

I wouldn’t classify the spark as a sexual chemistry necessarily but like the feeling of enjoying the persons company and feeling excited to see them again. If you don’t have it, then you likely aren’t going to develop it in most cases.

[katherinek]

good grief! it takes one or two dates just to let the awkwardness of meeting someone fade away. At the first date your still comparing the poor guy to past idiots... you have to give their personality a chance. After date 3 is when you decide to cut loose for lack of chemistry.

[neranderthal]

I read somewhere that a "spark" and "having butterflies" is a trauma wound. You're chasing feelings rooted from childhood, and it doesn't determine whether a relationship is a good fit or not. A good relationship is build on mutual effort, not a fleeting feeling.

[roliver]

It's sad because I see so many women in my family end up alone and broken because they were more interested in a spark than taking the time to learn about a guys character.

[mattblom]

I find chemistry builds - as long as you're attracted and values align. I typically give 2-3 dates to a girl in that case to figure it out; however, I find many women unless they feel an electric spark in a 1 hour coffee figure it won't ever come and may miss out on a great relationship because they didn't let it go to 2-3 dates. First dates are awkward.

[natmo]

Just get to know someone. It will take awhile to see them for who they are. One encounter isn't enough.

[thefairychild]

"Life is long when you're unhappy." So. Freaking. True.

[okashi]

Matthew, you have the best timing. Seriously.

[gypsygirlcrista]

Passion fades and the spark is not always there... Long term the compatibility and a great convo will be what you want.