Your partner’s great (why don’t you feel attraction?)

Maya writes, “Hi Susan, I love you and your channel! There is a man who loves me, appreciates me, and treats me exactly how I want to be. I left because our commitments were conflicting. He still loves me and is ready to fight for me if I meet him halfway, but I don’t feel the same way…. Why? I feel guilty because he treats me so well. Is it wishful thinking that I want someone I am equally passionate about?”

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The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache

Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

[havvaalexander]

25 years married. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. It’s love, it’s just different. I’m still learning to challenge myself instead of wanting my husband to be a part of that process. I wish we would challenge and even sometimes compete with each other, but it’s not his personality.

[isabellesender]

If he just doesn't get me, he is not cute! I have to feel that spark, whether it's purely physical appearance or his way about him, mannerisms, his calmness, something has to make me attracted to his presence, his eyes, his smile.
That "it"factor.
I've been with a man who on paper checked every box, but i was bored to death and def not excited to see him.
He didn't have "it".

[Maggie]

No chemistry. He may be more like a buddy than a lover.

[mikyl-forh]

Any relationship with ANY person is challenging.
Be careful what you wish for.
Regularly being 'challenged' by another is exhausting and demeaning.
Challange yourself.
Tip of the day:
Emotionally healthy men want a woman who pours peace into their lives.

[ava-jlll]

Unless they’re an avoidant and tend to flaw-find. Also don’t confuse chemistry /sparks for real love that comes overtime.

[levioliver]

Issue is, eventually you settle in to a relationship and you are going to want someone nice and compatible that checks all the boxes. So sure, maybe not raging Hollywood passion at first, but we all know how that goes. This is a tough one for me, could be single your whole life looking for perfection or what you perceive as that. Second, all of the issues Susan mentioned in other videos ARE valid and real. People with deep issues will pass up good relationships thinking they just “aren’t the one”. They might not be open to love in the first place.

[ladyk]

Thank you Susan... we all need to hear this.. I had a man who was a friend and he was nice...wanted marriage..but he didn't move my heart, in a romantic way. No passion, or spark, . He was hurt, but I really wanted us both to be happy with a partner. I love myself..enough to let go.

[craigjeffries]

This is advice I wish someone had told me in the past. Thank you, Susan, for this video. It's not always that you have attachment issues or fear of commitment. You can be fully capable of loving, but it's just not the person for you.

I love to sing, so I'm thinking of this situation in the metaphor of singing a song that doesn't fit in your voice. It may sound fine to people on the outside, but you know it doesn't feel or sound as good as something that is in your sweet spot. The song isn't the right fit for you, and it's no one's fault.

[IrisSirianni]

Good lord!!! I am so grateful for your different perspective. It resonates so much for me. I had to end a relationship with the most wonderful man and have been ruminating about what's wrong with me and why can't I settle into a relationship with this beautiful human. I've been dissecting myself trying to dig up past trauma and childhood yada yada that I have done so much work to heal. Ive been trying to fit myself into a lifestyle that just doesn't work for me at all with a man who doesn't understand my growth mindset. Thank you so much ❤️

[jerro]

Hi Susan, thank you for this video! It feels good to hear your words. I was dating someone really really lovely for over three months and I broke up with here a few days ago. She checked all the boxes: caring, warm, interested, adventurous, trusworthy.. but I keep feeling like my inner wisdom knew that she wasn't the one. Before this relation I was in a chaotic relationship so my mind kept asking me 'well.. maybe this is just a safe relationship and you need to get used to this kind of love' but deep down I knew this just wasn't it for me. Still hurts tho to say goodbye to someone you love. I wished I did have the spark-feeling for her but I have to trust that my inner wisdom knows what's good for me. Thanks again!

[StarOnTheWater]

Thank you SO much. Therapists tend to be so focused on the commitment problem, that they forget they exist parallely to other issues.
I may have fear of loss or commitment and STILL not want someone at the same time. It's not either one or the other, it's both. That's what makes it so hard.

[Sunshine-gmdc]

However, I do believe that giving each other time and proper communication can clear a lot of doubts.
Sometimes you don't feel attracted to the way they look, but there will always be someone better looking.
That's where you need to draw a line.
Real love is synonym to being peaceful in his presence. Being taken care of and cherished by someone. If they are your biggest supporter and allow you to grow in your way, you should give it a chance. Mutual friendship and attraction plays a big role here.

If however you don't feel good enough to talk clearly to him or you feel like editing yourself around him. Lookout. It will be wrong to them as well. You could be blocking someone worthy of their love.

[angelacoled]

Susan you are spot on...and I haven't heard it said in that perspective.

[kingamac]

So many pearls here. I love all of your videos Susan and this was one of my favourites.
“We intuitively are going to move towards people that allow us to grow” …this is so profound and resonates with me completely!

[royaltyreclaimed]

FINALLY I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS 😭🥺

[jazzauthor]

Great stuff here. So elusive and so hard to pin down the exact cocktail of who turns us on for all our cylinders and why. All of them: intellectual, spiritual, emotional, sexual, as a friend, confidant, lover, etc. etc.

[prettybrittany_]

funny timing cause i’ve been going through this for a year. he checks everything off except being taller than me. but i can’t give up how he loves me and treats me 😭 these things life throws at you is hard af

[creative]

This was a breath of fresh air, thank you.

[ghanagirl]

This is excellent 👌🏽 a partner that allows me to grow and challenges me…I always thought I was sabotaging myself when it came to relationships now I understand myself thank you!

[natbm]

Thank you Susan, you always have the right words when I need them. I'm going through something similar to Maya and deep down we know what's better for us, we just have to honor it. You're amazing, thank you so much for the reminder! ❤️