Why is shame linked to childhood trauma?

We hear all the time how shame is part of trauma as well as what can hinder our growth later in our life, but why? Where does shame come from, and why is it often a side effect of childhood trauma?

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[dougjstl]

Confusion is the key word here. They always try to confuse people. Like when eating dessert like sweet cake they always want to bring out the horseradish.

[rochellesumeray]

“Shame likes to hang with embarrassment and guilt. “. You’re so wonderful. I literally Love ❤️ you.

[giuliadi]

Some months ago I started noticing some questionable behaviors from my 4year therapist. I felt invalidated and belittled. Not long after, when I talked to him about it, I noticed signs of gaslighting. Months have passed and I still can't let go completely. I feel trauma bonded to him.
Once he said he lost trust in me, when I decided to face him about it, he looked at me like I was crazy for saying that.
I feel so hurt, I was processing trauma with my family and now I need to process this on top of it.
Thanks for this short video!

[NFSMAN]

You are 100% Accurate with this Kati, I believe that I do have childhood trauma, and tons of shame. Thanks for this video Kati!!

[higheststandards]

I almost cried when I saw your face right now, I needed this. Thank you🥲

[ClaudiaDCD]

I love these mini mental health minutes. Such great journal prompts.

[DarkSayer]

Thanks for sharing this Kati! I’ve been pondering this myself this year as I’ve been dealing with healing from my own childhood trauma.
A couple years ago I left California & my bio family behind me due to a series of events that led to my own trauma, anxiety, stress, and even a few suicide attempts. This had been 30+ years in the making and I’ve had to deal with recovering from childhood abuse, toxic family members & my own disabilities.
I’m currently in the east coast now but the trauma is never far behind. Been in & out of therapy for over 20+ years and I’m always learning something about myself through this process of healing.
It turns out I blame myself & shame myself for so much that a lot of it has nothing to do with me. I know it’s tied to the trauma due to my association of “X is angry so it must be my fault, ” or “X happened so I must’ve caused that, ” because back when I was a kid I was blamed for so much & was punished even when my abuser was simply just angry and needed to take it out on someone. Worst part is that my Mom was the abuser so that’s been a strained relationship ever since I left.
I know that shame & internal blame is something I have to work on, to accept that “It’s not my fault”, but it’s hard convincing that negative side. That inner “critic/cynic”. Because the brain wants to be right. And this new logic conflicts with what I’m experiencing.
Does it ever get easier?

[Orchidaceous]

Wow, this is a revelation! Thank you Kati. ❤️

[girlofthorns]

Thank you. This couldn't have come at a better time. My feelings are complicated since I'm still living with the abuser, but your clear explanation helped me better understand my thought patterns. Now that I have a better idea of where the shame comes from, I can stop the negative thought cycles better.

[GK-qcry]

Mmm, I never thought of it like this. But that's why we have Kati!

[Tamara.sharer]

Thank you so much! it really makes sense I wanted to know why do I feel shame and embarrassment about things that unrelated to the situation. And please do a video about guilt and embarrassment !!❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[menslin.melissaenslin]

What are some healthy responses we should implement to reframe this neglect, to get past this shame and trauma?

[sarahhaddad]

Yes, my stepmother, she severely abused me when I was younger, both physically and psychologically. I think adults who were abused in childhood should be allowed to take legal action against their abusers.

[RebelforaSpell]

🌱Spot on Kati and THANK you. SHAME WAS EATING ME alive. My father sexually abused me as a child. My memory was repressed for many years. The nightmares were horrendous. I have been healing. I hope everyone can fine peace, healing. 🌱 Wen

[florianlion]

Wow 😯 I’m sorry for beeing so blunt about that but you really have beautiful eyes :D

[aspiretoinspire]

People experience shame for a number of reasons. Shame is often felt when someone experiences, commits, or associates with a shameful act. Perhaps the most common precursor of shame is trauma.😔😔😔

[XThirdEyeX]

Omfg, this. This is so true...this is my whole life. I finally found a therapist near me who specializes in traumas and is not still living in completely false fear, still too afraid of absolutely nothing to help people in person.

I scheduled an appointment for next week.

[RosheenQuynh]

This made me think I am in a shame spiral for being unable to keep a relationship...

[Kitajewel]

Thanks for talking about this, Kati. Still beating myself up for watching my mother get verbally and physically abused by her ex-bf when I was 5. On the one hand, it keeps surfacing and shaming me for not doing more than just hitting him in the leg and failing to do anything about it, but on the other hand it makes me angry when he turned his anger towards me and pushed me and she just sat there watching.. I’m confused about what I should be feeling about that, even to this day.

[selfimprovementsimplified]

From my childhood:
- My dad took $150 from me because my SISTER didn’t want to eat at a restaurant HE wanted to go to and he said it’s because my sister and I are the same?!?
- my mom punched me several times on a car ride home since I wanted to quit a sport she forced me to join
- I stepped over my dad laying down (he was watching the tv) to go to the kitchen and he shoved me to the ground saying it was a disrespectful thing to do
- I got slapped since I didn’t understand what my dad was saying during a lecture he gave me