What is the Shame Gap?

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #shamegap

[NicoSleepyLeen]

Man completely destroyed 90% of asian parents

[murdanom]

How to remind a 'The Last Airbender' fan of how much they admire that show without mentioning it. That series helped me understand this so much earlier than I think I would've been able to on my own. Pride isn't the antidote to shame. Humility is. Denying your opinion and emotions for reassurance doesn't equal to being guided. Following someone you trust, respect and can reason with does.

[Ovalee]

At some point I’ve developed this shame gap within myself into adulthood without my parents direct input. Instead, I’ve put a lot of expectations on myself even for my own personal goals. I feel like those expectations derived from how I feel others perceive me, how my parents perceive my abilities. I feel like I can never be good enough even for myself because of it.

I want to detach myself from my ego and just enjoy life for what it is, instead of subconsciously worrying of the expectations of me all the time..
I hope as I continue to watch and try to apply your videos into my life, I can break these bad mental habits of mine.

[ohtus]

My parents always pushed me to get 95% in every assessment at school. A ridiculously high, unobtainable goal for me. But one day, I did get exactly 95 in an important history assessment. When I told them, my mum told me they must have marked me easy.
It was at that point that I essentially gave up trying and started coasting through. My marks were fine, and eventually I got into the career im happy with now but I'm not sure there could have been anything less motivating for me at the time.

[markmuller]

While undiagnosed ADHD for 38 years my dreams have shrinked to just wanting my home to be clean because at this point I have no friends, no car, no job... I only have my house and I want it to be tide and clean but I can't do it.

Waiting for my medications, hope they'll work

[LotanLevant]

My mom would always say, "why don't you go do *whatever she wish she could do* you're so smart."
I asked, do you even care if that would make me happy? No answer. I cut both my parents off eventually.

[AaronPaulIbarrola]

They were straight up. They said, its not about you. It's for the good of the clan. Becoming a (whatever profession we were told to become) is for the prestige, professional benefits, and financial boost for the family because we are a collective cohesive unit. We must also pay respects to whoever patriarch or matriarch is at the time.

[NotMrWhy]

Honestly, I am really close to my ideal self and I DO feel accomplished, but that is like that only because I've set these expectations myself, or so I believe. Great advice, still!

[江若綾]

True. But it felt really good when my parents bragging about my accomplishments and said they are proud of me. Even though my parents didn't force me to do anything, I still wanted to do those things to make them happy.

[leahflower]

I used to feel pathetic feeling like I'm running on either shame or fear all the time but I read somewhere that many societies are controlled through shame and fear

[KeritechElectronics]

Literally my experience! Add impostor syndrome and we've got a "nice" mix. This video struck a note in me so hard that it left me crying and shaking.

[DaveE]

It’s like I accept that I’ll never be satisfied, but that I still want to feel the dopamine highs of achievement. Not worked with well, ambition when I studied it can actually eat you alive especially when you feel blocked.

[ibis]

This is a great short although there is an argument to be made that your desire will always be out there which means there will always be a gap. The very nature of an ideal self existing necessitates the gap. Otherwise you would just be without any other object of self you identify in your inner world.

[robertremedios]

I started thinking about Sisyphus and how he is happy

The past is done, the present is now, the future is uncertain, and time is limited. Accept that.

Detach yourself from some ideal version of you that doesn’t exist. You simply exist. There is nothing to complete in life. You are until you are not. Think about how a hiker has a goal of getting to the end of the trail but doesn’t really care about the end of the trail. The goal is simply an excuse to go hiking. Forget the pursuit of happiness and start considering the happiness of pursuit.

What do you choose to do now?

[soupcansam]

That got a little personal there at the end

[gregoryviper]

This is gold. Was thinking about this allot lately

[improvisedlines]

i just did what i wanted and told everyone else that said “i should do this” that i’m going to do what I WANT to do

[alejrandom]

That's probably the deepest I've hears from Dr. K. I think therapists should talk more about themselves, it's probably that what actually makes me feel less alone...

[roripantsu]

"you think you do, but you don't"

[frenchtoastrazu]

Saying that we *should* be this or that makes it so reaching that is not this great achievement, but rather feels like reaching the baseline. Then it feels like you *should* have been there the whole time, continuing the shame.