Secrets of a Couples Counselor: 3 Steps to Happier Relationships | Susan L. Adler | TEDxOakParkWomen

[kaycali]

Summary:
1. Use Anything but anger- when your upset, sit down, take a deep breath, and think about what’s really going on. Use any other emotion(s) but anger.
2. Raising the bar- challenge yourself to be helpful when your partner is having a bad day. Don’t engage in conflict.
3. Use “I would love it if...” statements, instead of blaming or criticizing one another. Ex. Rather than “You never wash the dishes!” Say “I would really love it if you could wash the dishes next round.”

Hope these work 🤞

[cmpdas]

many ted talks have this polished smugness to them. she's standing up their with notes and its not polished but she's making some really good points. down to earth

[wishingonthemoon]

And if these don’t work, GET OUT. My ex boyfriend didn’t care if I was hurt, WOULD NOT change if I was sad. I took the high road, the high road, always the high road. Used all sorts of “I would love it if...” phrases. It was an abusive relationship. Don’t let being a “good person, ” and forgiving person blind you from reality.

[yarldevisamayal]

We’ve Been married 33 years,
fight for your marriage because, at the end of the day nothing else will matter.
Material things are good but can’t maintain lasting happiness or can not bring joy!
Divorce brings extreme pain, sorrow, retreat, emptiness and lasting scars in your life.

When I was 28 I almost left my wife over a crazy stuff.
I got in my car and drove off angry and upset . and I heard the voice of God say to me “what about me Jamie.. you made a vow to not only her, but me, is there anything too hard for me to do or fix ?”
I turned the car around and went back to her.
Now we are still in love 33 years later.
There is nothing else in the world worth destroying your home❤️

[juless]

Good advice she is right, I met my husband in high school 45 years ago...we became good friends and later on once we got married we became a "TEAM" we still maintained our lives, weeded out a few toxic people and we have been married for 33 years...that is key to any relationship and a promising future together.

[becallan]

This has resonated on so many levels with me. I have been and am guilty of some of these in my relationship but also supports things I’ve been longing for and wanting.

[brightpage]

“Anger’s the bodyguard of emotion.” Wohw! Talk about resonating. I love the ABA tip and the “I would love it if...” statement (instead of the outdated, “I feel... when you...”) This is helpful and I can put this into action today without overthinking it. Thank you.

[LifeHacks_Central]

Wow, just wow. This video by Susan, a social worker and couples counselor, is hands down one of the most insightful and practical resources I've come across. In just a few minutes, she breaks down the key ingredients that make a relationship happy and fulfilling. And the best part? She offers three simple tools that anyone can use to make their relationship stronger and more resilient. I highly recommend this video to anyone who wants to improve their relationship skills. Trust me, you won't regret it!

[lolafudgeyouu]

Not in a relationship, but Im preparing😊😊

[kingmemories]

I learned a new definition of anger from this video: Anger is the cover up of hurt which makes a person feel vulnerable, and vulnerable makes us feel powerless, and no one wants to feel powerless. This statement will make you rethink the expression of your feelings.

[auberjean]

Thank you, Susan L. Adler, for giving me much to think about. This was a very positive talk and I am grateful for what you imparted.

[susanashrealtor]

One of the reasons why daytime OR nighttime soap operas and romance novels are not part of my activities. Comparing your family members to non reality is destructive to relationships.

[pavitrashanbhag]

Extraordinary presentation. Every word you have spoken is so insightful, meaningful and helpful. Thank you for this amazing talk.

[te]

“The hallmark of a good relationship is only when one person goes crazy at a time” 😝.

[FABIOLINDOCC]

Simple and basic stuff that make a difference. Awesome talk. Loved it

[xy]

Great ! Love her way how she shows what common Problems are

[ravipeiris]

Good upload. I shared this with my new relationship as we want to build a foundation of friendship first. I'm thinking of beginning therapy with her moving forward before problems can come up and become resolved. Still, having said that, my girlfriend and I have set up ground rules on how we communicate with one another (i.e. not shouting, not throwing things, having time away from one another to process how we feel, resolving things and not bringing it up again in the future, weaponizing things said in regular conversation and using it against your partner, etc.).

[soundharyas]

My parents are in a hard place right now, they are constantly angry at each other, fight about silly things, and be disappointed in each other. They are taking zero effort to work it out. So, my elder sister, my younger brother, and I took it on our hands to solve the issue. We cannot bear this any longer. I am watching these videos to prepare myself to talk to them about it and help them understand the problem and solve it. I really hope they can work it out. They cannot have a proper conversation or understand each other. Instead, they will just lash out at each other which always ends with either one or both of them being hurt. I am going to suggest these steps and hope it will work out. The talk was really useful for preparing myself, hope it will solve the issue too. I believe that if they follow these steps, they can understand each other better.

[dorcasderose]

I agree with the 3 points exactly and that some relationships need to die (ones founded on with lies/deception/abuse) if you do nothing nothing will change that’s guaranteed. Try these tips and I’m sure if it has any hope it will work. Look at yourself before your partner and then realize only you can control yourself!

[dominicmathew]

When you start watching this video, you think God this has gotta be the lousiest TED talk every, this woman is reading notes. But then you realise she's giving very practical, easy to initiate step, which are well referenced. But I think this is one of the most applicable TED talks I have seen but its a shame it will not make the number just because it is not flamboyant enough. Don't look at the tumbs down, its worth a watch