What We Might Learn in Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy can be a very helpful place to go when it feels very hard to get through to our partners, when we are arguing too much, or are feeling isolated and lonely within a couple.

FURTHER READING

“Like many things that help our relationships, couples therapy has a habit of sounding appallingly unromantic, involving patience, gruelling work and a host of embarrassing conversations about matters it would be much nicer never to have to think about – let alone discuss with a partner and a trained stranger. Our culture teaches us to trust and follow our feelings. But couples therapy knows this is to be a disaster, for our feelings are for the most part errant and encoded with primitive responses from a troubled past. So instead, it encourages a far wiser response: standing well back from our first impulses, neutralising them through understanding and where possible rerouting them in less self-punishing and more trusting directions.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Marcie laCerte

[ryanschlaud]

In couples counseling i learned how to argue efficiently. I learned how to stay on point, say how i feel, and exactly what i mean. I learned how to listen better. I dont just hear what she says but i do my best to understand what makes her feel act the way she does

[sdsumiguel]

As a couples therapist I’ve learned several things. Here are those that stand out:
1) Go before you need it and continue. Waiting until things are on the brink of divorce is like waiting until your car engine is emitting heavy smoke before calling your mechanic. It would have been better if you had gone regularly and fixed smaller things along the way.
2) Communication is not the problem. Every single couple says they are in therapy to improve communication but they can’t really define what that means. No client has ever said “Bob cheats on me but our communication is awesome.” Ask yourself what you are fighting about most and there you will find the source of this supposed communication problem.
3) A good therapist will at some point in the process, upset each member of the couple by calling them out on their pettiness and unfairness. It’s the therapist’s role as a mediator to point out flaws in logic and mistakes in perception.

[TheChurchHistoryChannel]

I honestly find School of Life videos hard to watch. They speak directly to the issues in my life. I realise I can watch philosophy and politics and history and comedy videos all day long, then I get a SoL video and I skip it. I ask myself why and it's because they cut right into that raw part of me. That part that doesn't want to reveal itself. That part that hurts really badly. I realise then that these are the videos I need to watch the most.

[drakedrones]

I went to mine and learnt:
1. You cannot make someone love you who is not invested in you.
2. No matter how much you do, you can never make a selfish person reciprocate.
3. If your spouse dislikes you for no apparent reason and is irked with everything, the relationship is over.

[Silly-Little-Mama]

I went to couples counseling three times with my ex in an attempt to FIX our problems. Unfortunately, the resentment and abuse that went on had done it’s damage and counseling did not save us. It only prolonged the abusive situation and I stayed entirely too long. It did, however, help me have a healthier future relationship. I have used all the learned communication tools with my husband and I am so glad I had that knowledge to bring forward with me.

[MichaelJayValueInvesting]

Seems like much of this all just boils down to honest communication.

[AnnieeBubble]

As the channel has been going fo a few years now, I feel we take much of its content for granted. The insights are golden, and the animations are so beautiful they are basically art. They come fairly frequently so we do not stop to appreciate it fully. So thank you <3

[VioletannaVlogs]

Kinda irrelevant but there were two girls (not in my year) who went to my school who hated and I mean hated each other. The type of hatred where you don’t think they’ll ever be okay.
One day apparently a teacher sat down with them to talk things through and while they didn’t become friends they did become civil.
It just shows having a third party to talk things out can really help even in a situation you think that could never be improved.
There’s always hope for a positive change :)

[diemon_spawn]

Yeah it helps to go to counseling if even if u both in healthy relationship, usually couples try to go at a point where there at point of breaking, its better have a stronger foundation then repairing it while it falling apart

[pancholopezpaz]

If only my parents would have had the opportunity and the will to see a couple therapist. I have a great hope that psychotherapy and couples therapy can actually make the world a better place. Well done School of Life! keep going

[Milestonemonger]

We've been married for 35 years, couple's therapy is a luxury we couldn't afford, we solved our problems the old-fashioned way, we talk, yelled, slammed doors, yelled some more, made up, said sorry then went to bed. ❤

[JapanLovers]

A good therapist will teach us to teach ourselves how to be transparent while choosing empathetic words to do so in the compony of our partners.

[getmyswaggeron]

I love you guys. You have allowed me to gain control of a lost and troubled/suicidal thought filled mind and I cant thank you all enough.

[davet]

“Love is the attempt to form a friendship inspired by beauty.” - Cicero

[raquelgrajeda]

I would like to forgive my ex boyfriend so we can continue with out lives and raise our daughter. So much stuff happened and I feel like, after more than a year, I still can't see him and feel peace at the same time. We have been thinking about going to therapy together, but still it might be something I have to work by myself.

[MosesEmmet]

Couples therapy is a good idea if you can find a coach or a therapist who actually cares about your relationship, vs siding or vilifying one person or the other. Do your homework before you bring in a third party or it will be more damaging than not going at all.

[Vivi-xqgg]

I'm single why even am I watching this?

[cynthiajohnson]

Doesn't work with a narcissist. When you tell them how hurt you are by something, the narcissist takes mental notes on how to turn the screws on you. It's actually hurtful to believe that sharing your feelings and vulnerability is gonna make things better.

[bingo]

Call me a freak, but I think couples therapy sounds VERY EXCITING!! Is “she” worth it? Yes. Is it good for me? Yes. Might it help to improve the amount of love in the world? Yes.

[yarazooom]

IF you cant be honest with your partner...why get married? maybe 'we' need to learn how to be responsible adults BEFORE we get married. be kind always. be honest and ACCEPT your partners honesty ....take more time to be alone with your REAL FEELINGS. get a babysitter once a week WITHOUT FAIL...kids will end your marriage faster than cheating