How I'd use dating apps if I were looking for love, based on research

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In this video, I discuss how I would use dating apps if I were looking to find love/a relationship, based on what scientific articles have to say about people's motives, attachment style, and preferences. I know so many people are lonely in this day and age, and so many struggle with dating apps. I hope this helps even just a few people to think about how to more strategically use dating apps.

Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go

Reference:

Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
2:12 Finding someone with similar motives
6:23 Setting up the profile
17:14 Turning a match into love

[waxywabbit]

Doing a facetime before making plans is genius.

[Paxility]

My approach to dating apps has always been to say

"I love to meet people and don't like texting. So, if we match, I'll just ask you out :)"

The good thing about this filters it down to people who are also outgoing and spontaneous.

I'm still single af. And my last relationship i found outside the apps. But I've gotten interesting dates out of it for sure. :D

[micgalovic]

Ana Teaching us how to properly rizz up women for the right reasons is legendary ngl

[aelfredrex]

Apps have become a waste of time. Way too many deceptive marketing techniques and the Creeps are driving the women off them. Gotta get back to meeting people in the real world. Everything ends up there anyway.

[Obyvvatel]

I just deleted them... After some time even after matching I didn't feel a push or desire to actually try to hold a conversation as the effort to reward ratio was completely off.

[kaya]

Some people, especially men, are v bad at picking good photos

There are websites that will allow you to upload photos and strangers in your chosen age range will vote how attractive smart trustworthy you look in that photos

Some photos i thiught i looked good in scored really low. Some photos i thiught i looked meh in scored very high

I used the ones voted by stangers rather than the ones I thought were good and the results were pretty good i managed to get matches and quite a lot of dates

[CupidsGrimReapR]

I like your point about respectability and I feel like it can be extended to presenting yourself in a way that attracts the type of person you want and wards off the type of person you don't want. Use it to your advantage even if it might feel a little manipulative! Like i showed my tattoos and underarm hair to filter out the people who have a problem with them because i wouldn't want to date them anyway and find out too late, and hopefully to attract people who share similar values/worldviews. I showed a lot of my hobbies and music taste, not just to find people with shared interests, but also to make it clear that i care about occupying myself with activities and i get really into music and learning about the artists. It seems this tactic worked, because i met my current partner online (dating almost 3 years now!) and we both said that we appreciated how much detail we put into our profiles because it was clear we were looking for real connection and not just something casual, and even if our hobbies and music taste didn't overlap entirely, we could tell that we both cared deeply about these things.

[JJerem]

Face time is awkward, simply because there’s zero eye contact and the fact we can see ourselves on the screen through the distorted front facing camera which really makes it more uncomfortable, and i gotta hold this phone up to get the flattering angle, just all round uncomfortable and awkward,
This is for me anyway, even talking to people i know in person for years on face time is weird. 90% of communication is non verbal. Need that in person eye contact, so much of our lives we’re looking at a screen.
Face time we’re looking at a screen not into a person.
Eyes are the windows to the soul.

[haserpl]

As a guy who enjoys fishing, we do the photos with fish so that we can assert dominance with other men who fish. "Look, this is a huge fish I just caught, you think you can do better?" is the mindset behind photos like that.

[mesCheerios]

lol dating apps are STrEssFul. The energy from some men is very intense, like i understand it's hard out there not finding love, and so many people think it is necessary for their happiness making the stakes too high. but if i as in individual am not interested is it going to make you feel better to deride and insult me? My only thought is "lucky i wasn't interested ". And finding women who are open to dating bisexual women is v difficult because honestly lesbians are biphobic, which i say in the most understanding way because i get why it's been hard to trust someone would stick to a lifestyle that goes against the norm when u have a choice. Also got 2 men swiping purely just to criticise my profile/ethical choices haha. I would not jump back into that circus ring

[jase]

This video is gonna blow up, I can feel it

[kaya]

Online dating apps are limited you have to really try if you want to find a partner. The advice i would give to people is

If you find their profiles attractive and match, then start the convo straight away. Dont wait a few days until you are 20th down their list

If your convo is okay, then ask for their # and arrange a date for the very same week. Dont let it linger

On the date, within 10 minutes, you'll learn more about the person than you could texting for 10 days

Don't be discouraged if you don't want to see this person again. In my experience, only 1 in 20 dates i would like the person enough to want to actually see them again. Not that there is anything wrong with them. 99% of the time, the person is absolutely normal fine nice but just not your cup of tea

If you go on enough dates you'll fine your person. If you give up after 3-4 dates most likely you wont find anyone

[alexanderringler]

I say it to my friends and now I say it here, too. People who use those Apps are mostly not there for a Relationship. Exceptions are those, who leave after a month out of frustation. - And a month is not enough to find a good match.

[soIve_et_coagula]

Love the detail with your book peeking in the background!

[ririns]

I just want to go on café dates with someone, maybe hold hands. It’s tough out here for an ace…

[ufailowell]

gotta love not understanding fishing/gym/party guys in one sentence than saying show pictures of you doing your hobbies almost the next sentence. You answered your own question.

[sealwhiskers]

Just gotta say, I'm a raver so for me it's an absolute yes to the rave outfits, even if I'm looking for love!

[Craig]

I’m not really interested in creating a weird manipulative online persona featuring a curated false image of myself. I understand this puts me at a great disadvantage, but it feels right. To each their own

[YourUpstairsNeighbor]

Thank you! This was very needed. I just moved to a new city, alone, and I've never used dating apps. So this gives me a bit of hope for starting!

[malemaline]

Helpful tips. I delete my apps but taking notes for the future. I agree with your strategic swiping approach, but I listened to some dating expert...I think the one for hinge and she said to swipe on people you may not off the bat be interested in because people end up with partners they didn't think they would.