What Dating Apps and Algorithms Don’t Tell You! | Violet Lim | TEDxNTU

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I like her message
Self development over self pity
Change what you can

lightandnightEQUINOX

Love her line at the end “True love happens offline”. So true!

ashome

One thing I have realised is people often date for others, like they don't want to know or feel good about their choice, rather they want the onlookers to validate their choice, I am sure this happens in online dating too.

ankitanandy

I’m so glad that I’ve never had to resort to online dating. The best way to meet a potential romantic partner is and will always be in person, preferably in a neutral setting which involves a common interest of some kind.

Umph

A beautiful way to encourage people to date old school ways in the strength of the human spirit, with dignity and respect. Honestly, truthfulness and courage. God bless is Right. 🙂

loukaiser

I found my now husband on Tinder about 7 years ago. I was very discerning and read every word of every bio before making a decision on each person. I appreciated the opportunities that online dating offered me, as it allowed me to meet people that I would have never bumped into in person. I don't know how much the online dating scene has changed since then, but I'm glad I'm done with the dating.

frogsofindia

So weird that most of the guys say online dating is unsuccessful for them and girls are only after money/look. But when u start a genuine convo with them, they vanish. Done with dating apps forever !!!!

aylinsh

Her optimism is contiguous! Loved the speech! However, there are situations, countries, age groups when meeting offline is practically impoßible and you have to revert to online dating.

elladapetrosyan

Loads and loads of people have realised this and have created significant internet presence by conveying this message in various articulate ways.

keyboarddancers

"The Dating App Confessions" is a short book that explains the craziness of modern dating.

theotherway

She is adorable. But went for the "tall handsome guy" too. In fact - she started the convo with him. And kept talking even tho he didnt remember her lol.

alexforce

Very good speech and points. One thing I will say, however, is that while it’s good to emphasize self improvement, that’s not the end all be all. I say this because that talking point is typically emphasized from the standpoint of believing that one’s own efforts will have control over a desired outcome. This is not so in reality.

For example, a woman can like me and do everything in her power to t try to appeal to me. But if I share no mutual interest, there’s nothing she can do to change that. Her “self improvement” would be futile.

What’s not often talked about in the scope of dating and mating is that there’s only so much control we can act have. That’s because we do not have control over the next person. People have free will and have their own perceptions of reality.

The reason those points are often shushed and omitted is that there’s money to be made off of this. She made that point early on in that this online dating stuff (I’d even say offline too) is essentially a business and the goal is to make the dollar. That said, it’s no surprise that there’s an overemphasis on “self improvement.”

Self improvement is being used as a means to get people to feel that they aren’t enough and that they need to improve thus paying these people money for services to improve. The sellers are creating the idea that there’s an issue that needs solving and of course they have the answers lol.

Considering that, I think the best thing to do is be the best version of oneself but also to show oneself mercy as well. Just because a rejection comes doesn’t always mean it’s something you did wrong. Maybe the other person just wasn’t interested, maybe they have a mate already, etc. hi knows.

All you can do is do the best you can. We have no control over the next person. To highlight these talking points would be to undermine the industry and the cultural and social conditioning. Really think on that. God bless and peace.

watitduful

"Finding the right one is not just about meeting the right one, but also being the right one and choosing the right one"

Love this one!

I made the right decision to work on myself first and on my skills and I know I will just attract the right guy for me💙 Currently 20 years old and never had a boyfriend yet.

PS: I'll update you guys if I found the right one👀😂

yooniscruz

Great talk. One of the best Ted talks I've watched. I learnt a very long time ago that looks aren't the most important thing when deciding on who I wanted to date. Although I believe physical attraction is important to a certain extent, it's by far not the most important aspect of a person. I'm lucky that I got married before the age of Tinder because I don't think I could handle the dating scene in today's world as it's just so shallow and superficial. I have friends who would make great partners but still remain single because they are only average or above average in appearance and unfortunately for them being average or even above average in appearance just doesn't cut it on dating apps like Tinder. I can see that this is having a detrimental affect on their mental health and I even lost one friend to suicide after he became so lonely and convinced that he was of no worth to anyone. If I had my way, I'd make online dating apps like Tinder illegal.

MrDriedanddone

The most transparent talk from a genuine life experience, overcoming stereotypes and with priceless self-esteem and confidence means to be shared with others! Kudos ... Loved her Singapore/Malay accent !

RaviS-gjzp