How to BE A MAN: essential and performative masculinity

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There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity".

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #men #masculinity

[psychacks]

There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity".

Social Media



Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #men #masculinity

[wayne]

"suffer the risk of being somebody" is a great phrase

[evgeniptolemy]

Having a spine = the courage to say "No."

Having balls = the courage to say "Yes."

[EvidenceandReasons]

Outstanding video. YEAH!

My Dad was the manliest man and most courageous man I knew. He fought as a Guerilla in WW2 in the jungles of the Philippines. He was afraid in combat, but courage is doing the right thing even if you are afraid.

I remember many nights when I heard him screaming in his sleep from a nightmare. Once I told him I heard him screaming, and asked him what his nightmare was about. He said he was reliving what it was like to be shelled by artillery. He survived, he endured, and didn't retreat even though he was scared. He fought for what he believed in.

Once a certain other man was harassing a certain woman, and Dad, unarmed intervened to protect the woman and said, "you'll have to kill me first to get to her". The would-be assailant backed down. The woman Dad rescued eventually became his wife and then my mother.

RIP dad. I love you and miss you...

[alessio]

I just asked a girl I liked from my favourite coffeebar if she wanted to go grab a drink, got rejected but it felt enourmously freeing! I stood up for what I believed in and rejection is part of life. I'm not going to die from it so why not bother the risk. I'm growing more balls and whatever is meant for me will come, but you got to be willing to make the first move.

[AetherXIV]

the word for me is "responsibility". a man takes responsibility for himself and once he does that he can extend that circle further and further

[tancreddehauteville]

Being a man is about knowing yourself, knowing what you want out of life, and having the willpower and determination to achieve this.

[tatanovic]

Having a spine: standing up for what you believe in and your mission
Having a pair of balls: willing to achieve your purpose no matter what others think

Thank you

[parallaxpoint]

Well said. I'll add that a lot of what helps us to be men is a healthy level of testosterone. Which means we need to sleep well, exercise, lower our stress, and avoid chemicals that can disrupt our hormones (such as in plastics). It's something we need to take seriously since our testosterone levels have dropped a whopping 50% from our forefathers.

[techsir]

As a man that was raised mostly by a single mom and was very feminine for many years and has now grown a lot to be a strong man. I could have not come up with a better definition. Thank you for your input Doc.

[kiwiviking]

'Most of the things in your head were put there by other people and a lot of that stuff is garbage'; straight up. I love the way this guy puts things across so clearly.

[AdvaitaUpasani]

I always resounded with the poem "If" bu Rudyard Kipling in this context:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

[LimitedEditionMan]

Your messages are so clear and concise. So many people out there need your messages.

[Guildofarcanelore]

There used to be a book “Real men don’t eat quiche”. My wife makes an excellent quiche, and I enjoy it. I always wanted to write a colliery, “Real men don’t let other people tell them what to eat.”

[dsweet]

This is one of the coolest and most honest channels I’ve come across. You’re real, sir. Keep it up! You have my support

[camarofan]

you, Jordan Peterson and Ryan Holiday are the best things that have happened to modern men.

[Tiosh]

When you stand up for yourself the initial moment is fear. But it quickly becomes so much better the moment it is known to everyone that you're not tolerating it. It's a muscle that needs to be developed just like any other muscle but you'll feel so much better when you finally do stand up for yourself.

[quanganhnguyen]

In the era of women, being a strong man is even more necessary 💪.

[henriquehc]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

00:00 🧔 Masculinity is a complex topic, and many definitions are linked to performative behaviors that change over time.
01:08 🎯 Many answers about how to be a man focus on performative behaviors like having a beard, playing sports, etc.
02:42 💪 Being a man is simple: you need a backbone and courage to defend your beliefs and values.
04:06 🌟 Having a backbone also helps define your position in the world and attracts opposing opinions.
06:26 🏆 Having courage (a figurative pair) means being willing to take risks in the name of your beliefs and values.
07:23 🤝 Respect is often earned by those who stand up for their beliefs, regardless of the approval of others. It is not gained by trying to please everyone.
08:32 🙌 Having a backbone and courage is essential to be considered a man, regardless of other masculinity stereotypes.

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[zacksizov]

I'm 22 years old. And this video spoke greatly to me. I appreciate your commitment to serve and to share useful wisdom. I'll be coming back again and again to watch more of your videos. Thanks for being real.