How to Not Become A Man-Child (or Woman-Child)

ABOUT THE VIDEO
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In this video, I talk about the rise of the man-child or, as Jungians might say, the ‘puer aeternus’.

We live in an era of adult-children: everybody wants freedom, but nobody wants responsibility. But, the truth is, you can't have freedom without taking personal responsibility for your own needs. Wanna live on your own? You have to be responsible for cooking, cleaning, and managing the house. Want a car? You have to make sure you fill it with gas, maintain it, drive safely to avoid damaging it, and follow the rules to avoid getting your license suspended. Wanna start a business where you can do what you want, whenever you want? Well, you have to manage your own schedule, make sure its profitable, keep your clients happy, hire employees, make sure your employees are paid and taken care of, so on and so forth. Every freedom comes packaged with a certain amount of responsibility.

But what happens if you get freedom without responsibility? Is that possible? When someone else gives you freedom and takes responsibility for your needs—such as some parents might do—you can have freedom without responsibility. But honestly, you don't want it. Because freedom without responsibility will hinder your growth and turn you into a man-child.

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NOTES
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(1) Videos are just my opinion, for entertainment and informational purposes. Just some things to think about—not advice.

(2) Some of the links in the description are affiliate links which I get a kickback from—at no extra cost to you.

[TheEllsworth]

As a survivor of an emotionally abusive mother and an undiagnosed, bipolar father, I graduated from a chaotic childhood to a very isolated adulthood. I'm taking responsibility for my life, though. I'm working a tech job and practicing music. I've made progress in my sex and porn addiction (over 14 months sober) and am stepping into a leadership role in group therapy. I'm also much less afraid of women than I was in my twenties and thirties (just turned 41 this year). Life is lonely and difficult at times, but I have shown the ability to make it my own. I want to keep growing. I want to keep writing my own story.

[godzilla]

It's okay to play with toys, play video games, or watch cartoons as an adult. That stuff can make you a fun person to be around. Just be an adult when you have to be.

[mindfulnesswithmatt]

This is something that isn't talked about enough. We think that basic adulting is just paying your bills and doing your chores, but to fully adult and graduate from being a child implies so many more emotional responsibilities beyond that

[JupiterTarts]

The hardest part hands down is the financial independence. Economy is so bad that it's not uncommon to end up paying 50%-70% on rent. Makes it difficupt to pay other bills, pay for fun things, or even maintain a savings (which can be wiped out with a single medical emergency or unexpected car expense). I 100% understand the desire to stay at home and it's not always a matter of fear of responsibility.

[thephilosopher]

I think there is a thing where parents don’t parent there kids and expect them to know all these skills at the age of 18.

[coffeebot]

Just a friendly reminder being mature and responsible doesn't mean you have to be super serious all the time and neglect having fun or being silly.

Edit: Really sorry to see so many people with a fundamental misunderstanding of balance in their life. I genuinely hope you stop taking yourself TOO seriously, stop caring TOO much what others think of you, and stop being so miserable some day. Much love.

[kamii_]

A quick tip for those watching this video, do not, I repeat, DO NOT pull out any student loans if your intention is to remain free.

[marid.]

Some abusive parents will make you dependent on them on purpose by failing to teach you basic life skills. Then, when you tell them you want to move, they'll go "you can’t. You wouldn't survive without me." And they'll be right in the beginning. But when you're thrown into adult life with no skills and have to sink or swim, you learn pretty damn fast.

I was raised like this, and I just hung my first load of laundry in the first apartment I have just for myself. I know it's a chore, but it feels very comforting and freeing.

[putrescentvermin]

This really hits me. I come from an Asian family and because of how collectivism is a thing in Asian cultures, my parents have done a lot of shit for me from basic chores to even paying for college entirely. I can never talk about this because people will judge me and I guess I deserve it? I had an "easy" life but it was also hard because of how I was setup for failure and that my parents were not "outright" abusive but very controlling mentally and financially. I am 22 and I am starting to get shit done fuck what my parents say. I guess I am lucky my parents aren't 100% controlling to the point where I cannot do anything. It's definitely a lot of info to convey but regardless I am doing whatever I can just to get tf out.

[luisespanola]

For the longest time I lived with my mother, and as her only child I was subconsciously attached to her. It might have been how I was raised up since she had the tendency to make my life easier by letting me off the hook on certain household responsibilities. Although I was competent in my professional life, I felt that I wasn't independent enough to pull my own weight at home. It made me wonder that if I were the last person on Earth, would I know how to survive?

At the age of 28, I finally left the comfortable bubble and lived on my own -- against my mother's numerous pleading. It has almost been a year now, and I can truly say that it was the right move and wish I had done it sooner. There is power in freedom and living the life you ought to live. Everyone should learn how to be self-reliant.

[rome]

It's ok to have fun, have hobbies, or take a step back from time to time.

The key is to balance your priorities. Too much of something is always bad.

[gabrielbay]

Trauma and lack of good parenting turns you into a man-child, not being "spoiled".

We learn language from our parents, the ones we love, the same with emotional intelligence, paying bills, knowing how to resolve issues and so on. Think about this, if you dont have people who love you at age 3, you dont learn a language, if you dont have people who love you at age 13, you dont learn proper coping skills to cope with the world

[emuriddle]

There are Man-Children who have salary jobs too.

It's not just a dependence thing. But it can also be about treating others poorly.

The key word is, "Failure to take responsibility."

Expecting other people to meet every demand you have. Failing to return the favor.

And sometimes even being hostile against younger generations trying to start their own lives.

All of this still counts as immaturity. Even when the person isn't dependent on another person.

[agomes]

Probably many would call me a man child for playing video games and liking pop culture but idc. I make a reasonable salary for my country standards, have my own house, pay my own bills, my car is paid in full. I'm more of a responsible "adult" than many out there who are perceived as such, living luxuous lifestyles but are drowned in debt

[skitjaz]

The man is now independent of his family... But now he's dependent on his job.

[DomCOuano]

For some of us, this should serve as a reminder that we're actually doing okay. I've been a late bloomer and often feel like a man-child, especially when I make mistakes or when something doesn't go as planned. I've missed jury duty and had to request postponements. I've had to pay late fees. I've gotten F's in school. I've failed at businesses. But I do take full responsibility for all of these. And feeling kinda crappy about failures is really just part of taking responsibility for them. It's part of the price of freedom. And so for some of us, this is an important reminder that we actually are taking responsibility for our lives and paying the price for our own free will. So keep going and, ya know, try not to miss any more important things.

[blakebethel]

Something that I realized when watching this video. Whenever you gain responsibility over yourself, you gain freedom. That doesn't necessarily mean that when you are not free, you have to submit to other's values. This is where charisma comes in. If you are a self-independent person who openly discusses personal opinions on everything, especially if they're hot takes, or have a habit of doing anything else which is deemed negative in a person's eye, they will avoid you and if they have power over you, they will make you leave. On the other hand, if you are reliant on someone, and you are behaving in a way that they disagree with, but you have the charisma and the necessary reasoning skills in order to sway them in your direction to agree with you, then you have successfully exercised power, while still relying on that person. It is important to be likeable and social and treat your peers with respect regardless of how much power you have, whom they rely on. So in the end, just because you are responsible for yourself, that does not mean you should be a dick only because you are capable of dealing with the consequences. On the other hand, do not submit to those you disagree with either in fear that you will be unliked. Balanced and proper thinking is key.

[zombiekidcrazy]

I'm a 25 year old man. Moved out of my parents house 9 months ago to a different state alone with a professional job as a software engineer and I'm happy to have done that. And I also like where I live so that's a plus! I can't tell you guys enough how moving out of your state or country will really help in terms of seeing new things, meeting new people, and feeling like you have control over your life. It will literally change you.

[murata]

I went through this myself and I feel like I graduated from this concept. I went to study in another country in a very small village alone for two years and that experience made me graduate from that shell. This also shows that we humans view suffering and hardships very discriminately. Most of the time those hardships are what's actually needed for a transformation to happen.

[TeaRektum]

bro gave an entire speech about growing up and become a responsible adult and vouched for a cryptocurrency course 💀