Living Together Before Marriage - Does It Help Or Hurt The Relationship?

Will living together before marriage increase a couple's likelihood of divorce? We're excited to dive into it because we have research as well as experience that we have seen to help people navigate how to make the best decision in their relationship in order to have the strongest marriage, because that's what we care about.

Because of the fact that we work with marriages, maybe we should start with this.

Why would being married be better than cohabitating?

In the sense of what it does for society?

And for people?

Let's talk about whether or not living together before marriage will make the marriage stronger or weaker.

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[maylynbayani]

Asking someone to live with you is like telling them that they are good enough for now until someone better comes along. My now husband knew he'd marry two weeks into dating and made it known to our parents and our pastor. Be with a man who would boldly chooose you.

[MrsYasha]

Fascinating!
I think I dodged a bullet. My husband and I were living together for 2years before we married.
We have been married legally for 18years now, and just last month we said 'yes' to each other for the sacrament of holy matrimony.
We're very much in love still!

But I guess our saving grace was that we were planning to get married before we moved in together. And for our autistic behinds, this already meant commitment!

Though it is very fascinating to see that we both are much more sure and relaxed of each other now that we said our vows before God. Now we have a covenant that nothing can distroy.
And we were not even aware we had something missing all those years!

[Faithfullfertilitytv]

There’s a difference with renters and buyers. Profound

[anamarijamarinovic]

Living together before marriage frequently does not lead to marriage, because there is no sense of obligation, commitment and trust
We often hear that by living together, they will learn more about each other, their habits, routine etc, but if we haven't learned that when dating, this is just an excuse. Love and marriage are not just a paper that means nothing, and if a couple lives together before marriage, deep inside they know that they are not made one for another. And cohabitation is just a more acceptable word for fornication. It is a great video. I agree with you. Greetings from an Orthodox Christian. God bless.

[tamerali]

Very true! I know more than one couple who lived together for many years (12 years in one case) and then got divorced shortly after getting married!

[pHixiq]

The main deciding factor on if people who cohabitate stay together after marriage is *if both parties have the same long term relationship goals and are committed*


People being on two different levels leads to asymmetry in commitment levels

[bridgetintheukraine]

Living together definitely puts a false understanding on the relationship, which will have a negative effect after marriage

[JohnJones-nqpi]

Thanks for standing up for God's plan.

[IzzyNChrist]

How do you express this to someone who tried doing things the right way and still got very hurt in the end? I see what you guys are saying, but what about people who have loved, married first and then lost?

[opdude]

People don't wanna get married these days that's the hurtful truth 💔

[jamesstrawn]

What is living together before or outside of marriage? a) A selfish decision to use another person (in various ways) but keep open the possibility of abandoning that person if something difficult arises or something better comes along. b) A weak concession to the desires of another person in the hope of an honest commitment/decision in the future. (Usually there is one of each)

[m.o.s.h.]

Cohabitation is likewise a "Trial and Error Method." No commitment because one of them is or both of them are not sure in their relationship.Easily come and easily go situation.😭

[Nosh]

I disagree, I think the issue is more complex than just cohabitation. And marriage does not imply commitment. Also, the core reason for marriage as described is simply a form of self manipulation. Stating that you are getting married to force yourself into commitment, less you embarrass yourself, community, your partnet or have to deal with complications of divorce. Tbh, I think cohabitation is good thing, understanding how another person functions when your constantly in their space prior to making a serious commitment like marriage is smart. If the relationship fails at cohabitation, it would have failed in marriage. And if you jump in marriage with the commitment described in the video, you are in essence forcing yourself to deal with relationship, instead of wanting to deal with the relationship. Commitment is also a two way street, a big issue with marriage is increased expectations, and not having the maturity to properly navigate a relationship to being with.

[Exodus.Pi]

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

[kitmui]

Great conversation!! Thank you for sharing your points. I am 100% on it. Would you mind share the sources of your researches? I would like to dig deep into it and bring that up to a couple friends. Thanks!

[bridgetintheukraine]

The rules that apply to dating/ whether living together or not, are a different set of rules, responsibilities and expectations than in a marriage

[Coach-ksyd]

Yes you're saying that it's something official and has to be recognized and supported by others

[lilylife]

Instead of focusing on getting people to marry, get them to get in the mindset of why marriage is desirable. The western world has made marriage very undesirable for men and even some women.

[MikoMusik]

I agree! And the relationship between Goldie Hawn and Kurt and what most people don’t know is that there were several breakups between them over the years that they have been cohabitating and one of them moved out during the relationship so they always had that back door option to exit when things got rough. I don’t doubt that they care for each other BUT it’s not what it appears to be.

[donna]

Some people get married multiple times and, yet, are renters during the marriage. Renters want easy... they don't want problems... they don't want accountability... they don't want responsibility... they don't want the work and maintainence requred for a happy, committed relationship. They like the benefits of a marriage as long as they don't have to make the sacrifices of accountability, responsibility, and maintainence. They will give and participate as long as it doesn't require sacrifice.