Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Live With Your Significant Other Before Marriage

At the Auckland, NZ stop of Dr Peterson's Beyond Order tour, an audience member asked him to elaborate on why he advises against cohabitation before marriage.


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[sonik]

My mother told me as a young man, "You don't know who your future wife is yet, but you're going to love her so much that you'll want her to be the only one." Thankfully, I listened.

[Ragchewer]

45 years of marital bliss! We were both 27 and married in 1975 after a six-month courtship. Our daughter came in 1976 and our son was born in 1978. Two children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson are spreading the joy!
We waited until our wedding night to become intimate. Wow, what a night! Waiting was hard but we wanted to become intellectually bonded before becoming physically bound. Our honeymoon was the kick-off for a truly happy life together. We knew what we wanted in life before the wedding, and we were then able to live the dream! Know your mate-to-be well before living together and be happy for a lifetime. It's worth the wait!
My sweetheart died in 2020 from cancer. I miss her so much; but I thank God for nearly half a century of happiness together. Nothing in life can be better that a truly happy marriage.

[standground]

*My wife in I are now in our mid 30s. We met as virgins in college.* Peers thought we were weird because we’re both fairly attractive but decided to wait until marriage for sex and also move in together. When you build that type of closeness before marriage, sex and enjoying living together is a bonus. 14 years together so far now with children and It’s been an awesome experience for us both; we wouldn’t exchange it for any dollar amount.

[harmonys]

My dad told me that marriage is important psychologically for the man to develop the sense of responsibility for the woman (and children that come along). He said if couples live together first, the man still thinks of the woman as his girlfriend and never properly develops the sense of responsibility he needs. I heeded his advice! My dad was a smart man who unfortunately is no longer with us, but I passed the same advice on to my son.

[nathanlindley]

When my wife and I were dating, a friend pointed out that the more physical the relationship becomes, the less you try to get to know and understand the person. It is so true!

[gamingK]

"Flawed as we both are, if we commit to each other we have the possibility of becoming more than we are and i'd like to do that with you" - Jordan B Peterson

[Kyle-umtm]

This hits harder when you've already made the mistakes he's talking about. Thank you for teaching me to see the truth, Dr Peterson. You saved my life many times.

[maylynbayani]

Cohabitation seems like a slap in the face. It's like telling someone that you are good enough for now until someone better comes along

[loganwelty]

"You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith."

Brilliant

[aleciad]

My father told me something I'll never forget: "If you have the try-before-you buy mentality, and think that you can always divorce him later, your marriage is already doomed."

He was married for 46 years before he passed away from pneumonia. The longer time passed, the more I realized he was correct. I'm glad I listened.

[theBorealShepherdess]

I remember when my younger brother told me he wasn't going to marry his pregnant girlfriend. He used that 'we don't need a piece of paper' line. I asked him, "How likely are you to keep a promise you never made?" He'll be 60 this year. He's had multiple children with multiple women, and never got married. He's killed his liver with alcohol, and is likely to soon die alone. If he would have just made that commitment to that sweet young lady who loved him way back when, his life might have been so different.

[xepherial]

Thank you for saying so clearly why "it's just a piece of paper" is so infuriating.

[insi]

I will never forget the scene when my grandfather - himself in a wheelchair with two amputated legs and seriously ill - fed my grandmother who was dying. For me it was the most impressive thing I've ever seen. The image of what commitment in marriage means. They have endured so much, into high age, and the love and commitment they gave to each other has impressed and touched me deeply and is a great role model for me. Jordan Peterson is right, it's not just a piece of paper. And the younger generation, which is "old-fashioned", they can learn a lot from their grandparents.

[steinarbruun]

When I was married 55 years ago, I saw my wife as God's gift to me. One cannot return a gift from God. Still married. Best gift I ever received. She says the same.

[kristadavis]

I love this!
As a kid I prayed that God would protect me from men who would hurt me, that I would only date men worthy of marriage (not expecting to have that happen on the first try). I also made the choice to wait on sex before marriage. My husband and I dated for 7 years before marriage without having sex or seeing each other naked or any of that silly nonsense that take a backseat to what is truly important in love and friendship. Neither of us had cold feet or nervous butterflies when we walked down the aisle and moved in with each other. We have now been together for 20 years, 13 years married, and are still each other’s best friend and greatest support system. We have been through ups and downs, even extreme things like me having postpartum psychosis, us being without an income for 10 months, and starting a business with only $10 in the bank. We didn’t give up on each other, because that is not an option when your relationship isn’t built on m the physical or in a test lab.

[brandontea]

No matter how much he talks, it’s still way more complicated than that. That’s the beauty.

[stupidbeetle]

When my ex-wife divorced me and left the kids to go be with a married man she told me it was just a piece of paper. It blew my mind. 6 months after the divorce things didn't work out with the other guy and then she wanted back and suddenly valued marriage. I gave her a hard "no". Next time around I'm going to do a better job of finding somebody who has a history of upholding commitment.

[ErBeary]

I'm a 32 year old woman with traditional values. When I was 23, I had pretty much given up on ever finding a man who shared my values and beliefs, especially when it came to pre-marital sex and marriage. I am happy to report that after giving up, a man appeared in my life who was absolutely perfect. I met him while working at a church. We've been together for almost 10 years now, married for 5 and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. Sometimes you have to give up and focus on yourself before you can find the right person!

[kelliwhittaker]

Married 40 years…seven adult children. More than once one or the other of the two of us wanted out. So grateful for our mutual respect for our vows.

[itswen]

-be careful. Whoever you are, be aware. He's not speaking from experience, he is just speaking from his thoughts. Although it is a good way to make us think, we need to critically think by ourselves and contrast the information. Don't be sure of anyone or anything.