3 Reasons Catholic Couples Don't Spend the Night Together Before Marriage

Fr. Mike offers a message that may be hard to accept for some of us, but his intention is to help us live happily and get to heaven. In a culture where anything goes, the Catholic views on dating can seem strict, but behind them are very good reasons. If you’ve ever wondered why the Church advises unmarried couples to avoid living together or spending the night together, watch this video to find out.

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SOCIAL MEDIA

[ashleighhouse]

You made me confirm my choice on converting to catholicism. I was into the witch and pagan stuff, I considered myself Wiccan. You changed my mind. I appreciate your knowledge.

[annawinterhill]

A few years ago my friends made fun of me, my virginity, and they told me that sex isn't that special I should just do it. But I didn't. 😊 I still saving myself till marriage, and now I have new friends who appreciate it. And I am sure that I will find a man soon who will appreciate it too.

[Alex-wful]

These videos genuinely made me consider converting to Catholicism. Thank you for your service Fr. Mike!

[jordoncolombo]

There is definitely something profoundly intimate in just sharing that space together.
I remember liking this girl on the same floor in our dorms last year. Midterms were over and we did some drinking, she having done a little too much, so her roommate, myself, and another friend, James, helped make sure she got back to her room. Fastforward, I stayed to make sure she had water and some hangover stuff in the morning (gatorade, light snack, etc.). Later that night, she invited me up with her (she had top bunk). When the girl you like invites you to spend time with her on her bed you do it right? And we had done this before to just talk and stuff with others around (parties in dorms happen in people’s rooms) so it seemed ok at the time.
For the record I knew we weren’t going to do anything and I certainly had no intention lf taking advantage of her whatsoever. And thankfully, I was right, we didn’t do anything, but if I could go back i would’ve bolted out the door.
When I got up I even sat up rather than lie down next to her, just handed her her pillow and tried to convince her water was the best thing in the world.
Then she invited me to lay down beside her, and after some convincing I decided, “fine, what’s the harm in that? We still aren’t going to do anything.” And we didn’t. She told me to hold her. I refused and told her to drink water. I was about to leave, thinking her asleep as safe for the night, when she rolled over and started running her hand up and down my torso.
I remember feeling aroused but really, really, really uncomfortable at the same time, but also just paralyzed and unable to get up even though I wanted to; it was really confusing and I remember crying about it the next morning trying to make sense out of it. I just felt violated and simultaneously disgusted with myself for not having better judgment, even though “the worst” wasn’t even close to happening.
A week later I went to go pick up a friend from his room and saw her laying down in a bed next to James, holding each other. And they were clothed and weren’t doing anything, but I was still devastated over that, because sharing that space is still something very intimate, which I did not thing would hurt that much to see, but seeing it made me realize how intimate that can be.
So I totally agree with Fr Mike on this. Such things wouldn’t hurt like that if they were as casual as we allow ourselves to imagine them sometimes. Even if we are superhuman enough to experience this without any physiological changes in ourselves, it will definitely evoke a deep emotional attachment. I just wanted to know she would be ok, and I was the one not ok afterwards. Definitely something I will never do again outside of the context of marriage.
The phrase “leave room for jesus” sounds so corny sometimes, but if we don’t leave room for jesus, we make a vacancy for satan in the near occasion of sin.
I am glad this video is here, and hope that someone will see it and reconsider before making poor decisions like myself.
Also, date Catholic. I am sure that would have helped prevent this as well.

[jackiehammerton]

This was my hardest confession, a few days before my wedding, confessing to my Father that I had slept with my fiancé, as well as seventeen others throughout my 20s, and how ashamed I was at myself. It was the only time I ever cried in confession and I felt unworthy to be even getting married in the Catholic Church. But my Father offered some wonderful words of wisdom and absolved me of my sins. To this day I still don’t think I’ve fully forgiven myself. I wish I had waited until marriage.

[FreedomandBaconHomestead]

Speaking as a happy, Catholic, red blooded, married man of nearly ten years, every bit of purity my wife (then girlfriend and fiancee) fought for was worth it. We were - and are - madly in love with each other and saved ourselves for each other which was TOTALLY WORTH IT! The goal of your relationship should be to get the other person to heaven so make it easy for them to be holy and know you will also be richly blessed as a result.

[TheGenius]

America needs more catholic priests like you father mike!
The health of the Church depends directly on the spirit of her priests.  So priests need to be more than simply honest or diligent or even faithful.  They need to be consumed by a love for God, a love for their people and a love for the Catholic faith.

And that kind of love – a passion to give ourselves to something greater than ourselves — cuts against the very nature of the noise, distractions and consumerist addictions at the heart of modern American life.

[sasnico]

I’m really enjoying all of your videos you’re helping with my questions as a catholic teenager 👏🏻👌🏼

[LisaGemini]

Chastity is the hardest thing to achieve when you're in love. That's why some people get married after only knowing each other a few weeks or less. That's a big mistake, of course. This is good advice, Father Mike.

[sloanjackson]

The ending was incredible. "Satan accuses and the Holy Spirit convicts" - I loved your following comments.

[koepisking]

Since my girlfriend and I started dating, (we're long distance) I have stayed the night at her parents place instead of her place. My siblings looked at me weird when I told then that. Now I can show then this video! 🙏 Thank you Father Mike!

[shannon]

Father Mike,
I am a Protestant but I love your videos. Your faithfulness to the Scripture and Christ are so encouraging. I love learning concepts such as the near occasion of sin. I love your encouragement to be faithful to Christ and avoid what Bonhoeffer called cheap grace. I love hearing people speak of Christ with words that include adoration. Blessings. Keep up the good Word.

[julieoelker]

Great advice!! Now I know why God told you to become a priest. You will save many young souls.

[suem]

The absolute truth. My husband and I did not 'test drive' before marriage as that debases the person and the relationship.. I would never date or marry a man who used me for his pleasure before commitment of marriage. I am worth much more than that. And a man so honorable would be worth marrying.

[jonihatfield]

As a teenage girl I genuinely love your videos father mike. Your videos help answer my most important questions and help me navigate my spirituality.

[MaryAris]

Great video and advise. I was a virgin until I got married at 41, and have to say that I'm proud of the moral values my parents instilled in me. Many young people today give into their passions and temptations without batting their eyelids. Many of young girls end up pregnant in their teens.

[_Breakdown]

'scandal' comes from the Greek 'skandalon, ' meaning 'stumbling block' - - so to scandalize someone is to cause that person to stumble, spiritually - - by leading/pointing them down a path that can harm or ruin them.

[xaviervelascosuarez]

Reading all these comments made me think: "silly father Mike, see you didn't need to worry so much about sounding stern or judgmental!" it's so awesome to verify once and again how much we need (and many actually also want to) hear the truth, just straight up, no mixing. I pray every day for God to send us more priests like you!

[Charliepup]

Thank you father, I’m at a massive roadblock in my relationship. I love my girlfriend and I love being affectionate to her. Anyway please pray for me as I don’t want to damage my relationship with my God or the person I love. Your words help.

[azucena.valentine]

I wasn't aware that it was a sin to sleep in the same bed as a Beloved. I am so grateful for your content. I know it's from 4 years ago but most of Father Mike's content is relevant always.