How to Stop Others From MISTREATING You, Let Go of TOXIC People & Heal from BETRAYAL | Najwa Zebian

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On Today's Episode:

More than 70% of people say they have regrets related to their ideal self. If you’re a human, you’ve most likely been in relationships and situations that spark regret, shame and confusion on what to do and who to be in the moment. So often, people spend time trying to please everyone around them. The way you dress, the way you style your hair, where you sit in the meeting, all of these decisions are so easily influenced by a want and desire to be given approval from the right people. But what about you? What do you want? How often are you spending time apologizing for feeling, and even better how often are you downplaying that you even feel anything? Najwa Zebian is an activist, poet and celebrated author. She joins Lisa for a second time to discuss how she came to radical self acceptance, and share the startling fact that we may actually be gaslighting ourselves when we diminish and disregard the pain we feel when vulnerability has been betrayed in the hands of the wrong person.

Najwa’s Questions for Self-Acceptance:
1. Who are you?
2. Why do I believe what I believe?
3. Why do I live my life the way that I do?
4. Why am I scared of X, Y and Z?
5. Why are you so afraid of feeling pain?

“When you build your home and other people you give them the power to make as homeless” -Najwa Zebian

SHOW NOTES:

Gaslighting Yourself | Why diminishing your painful experience lessens your self-worth [0:40]
Homeless | How we build homes in others and end up homeless when they walk away [6:37]
Toxic Savior | Trying to save someone doesn’t mean you’re owed anything, that’s toxic [9:47]
Proof of Love | Examining the real cost of having someone love versus what you receive [16:03]
Self-Aware | The need to be aware of your triggers and the filter you’ve created for life [19:56]
Self-Acceptance | Self-acceptance versus indifference and know who you’re accepting [25:59]
Identity Crisis | Najwa shares the personal crisis that made her question her identity [33:59]
Being Hurt | Why you need to acknowledge the hurt and know healing in your power [39:30]
Vulnerability | How to be open to vulnerability after being hurt even in protection mode [45:24]
Unwinding Triggers | Finding the origin of your triggers and allow yourself to feel it [51:56]
Self-Judgement | Not blaming or judging yourself for allowing things to happen [55:36]

QUOTES:

“You should never be okay with being treated that badly. You should never be okay with being betrayed. You should never be okay with having someone you trusted so much to turn around and treat you as if you never meant anything to them. You should never be okay with that.” Read by Lisa [0:46]

“Don't push yourself to a point where you gaslight yourself out of your own pain” [2:09]

“When pain knocks on your door, if you keep it out the door, yeah, it might stay there for a while, but you're adapting your life to noise in the background.” [5:45]

“The foundation of your home is self acceptance and self awareness. Once you have those two elements, you can build whatever home you want within” [9:23]

“Let me separate what I've chosen to give you from what you've chosen to reciprocate” [12:47]

“You don't deserve someone's burdens to be placed on your back for them to believe that you actually love them.” [17:18]

“Once you become aware of yourself, historically, and in the moment, you're golden” [25:49]

“The one who broke you cannot heal you. You have to heal you. You can't expect the person who broke you into pieces to bring those pieces and say I'm gonna put you back together.” [42:32]

“Vulnerability is beautiful, it is what's needed for connection to happen, but vulnerability [...] is being open to injury” [44:14]

“Boundaries aren't about being in protection mode. Boundaries are about knowing that what you have within is so valuable that you will not allow certain people to come near it or hurt it or whatever. Boundaries stem from self worth.” [48:46]

“The ending itself is not what you need to change, the storyline is what you need to change and that's in your hands.” [1:01:20]

Follow Nejwa Zebian

[LisaBilyeu]

How do you set boundaries for yourself and stick to them?

[justkaren]

"When you build your home in other people, you give them the power to make you homeless" Wow!

[ChristianaSenibo]

Don't give people the opportunity to keep treating you like you don't matter. Everytime you do that, slowly but surely you lose your voice. And with everytime you do that you loose a little bit of yourself. And here's the truth, you matter, you have worth and you are here to make a difference ❤

[shenika]

The one who broke you cannot heal you. Wow! 💪🏽

[campbellhouse]

I respect kind people. Unfortunately, most people I've encountered don't. They see kindness as weakness sadly. It's hard to find true friends.

[Paula-prbo]

I saw a quote the other day.
- we are not friends or enemies, we are just strangers with memories ❤

[bumblebee]

Kind people always get hurt. Boundaries are the best protection. I hurt myself for decades.

[DivineBalance]

Oh man, "You don't need them to apologize for the pain they put you thru. You went through it yourself. You felt that. Do you NEED them to acknowledge that pain/hurt" that was profound. Definitely struck my heart strings..

[tanjamijailovic]

In my 44 years, I have not seen or heard anything that opened my eyes so much. Thank you, dear woman, God sent you to see and hear this.

[sallyflymi]

Believe them the first time they show you who they are. Stop it before it begins.

[FutureFendiFsnista]

Felt every single word in this episode deeply. It's like Najwa lived my own life and is reiterating every thought, feeling, and emotion I am feeling. Growing up with a narcissist for a parent definitely make it so that you don't feel safe enough to be open and vulnerable in. It's something that my therapist and I are working on but this video gives me so much hope. Thank you for using your voice to bring healing to alot of people. 💖

[ericasimpson]

She literally just exposed how narcissist reel you in. They do it to everyone. Their next victim is always told how bad the last person treated them just for you to find out it was all lies after they do the same to you with their next person. Self love is key and it is a daily choice❤

[lkasjddasjlk]

Just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years after finding out he has been consistently lying to me and cheating on me. I totally gaslit myself and my anxiety by giving him so many chances because I would focus on his positive characteristics. This video is SO relatable because I was doing everything she was talking about

[clujbnf]

Favourite nuggets:
"Don't gaslight yourself"
"Separate what you choose to give from what someone else chooses to give you, and understand they don't owe you...but this doesn't diminish your worth" edit: (paraphrased)
"Set boundaries with me, but DO NOT disrespect me"
I just LOVE Najwa, she's that proverbial wise best friend everyone needs ❤❤❤🔥🔥🔥💪

[DrRebeccaHeiss]

Setting boundaries, communicating them clearly, upholding them, and NOT negotiating them is key. Thanks for sharing this video. It is so important to talk about!

[caseymays]

It’s is extremely hard when the most toxic people are your family and they constantly mistreat you . I had an Autistic son and not one family member ever called me again . I was shunned and not invited to any family events because it was annoying. Yes my family decided to ignore me and it took me years to find my power . I received this message on every level.

[sarae]

To anyone who needs to hear this: everything you need is within you. shift focus to find that, and make it your goal. we all in the same boat and we can do this🙏🏼💜💜

[annee]

12:00 message was 😮! Only a person that really has been in this situation understands. 💙 DON’T WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE YOU, NOBODY IS COMING! Save yourself, that’s self-love, not selfishness.

[AudreyPho]

A person doesn’t have to have all the traits of a narcissist but any form of insulting, belittling, criticizing, abuse, aggressiveness, gaslighting after I told them how I felt and to stop is where I draw the line. This person continues to project their fears and doubts onto me. This person completely ignores how I feel and honestly don’t think they really care. Only what I can do for them.

I’ve dealt with a HANDFUL of narcissists/manipulators in my past: exes, parents, siblings mainly people close to me. I’ve always been the empath, the sensitive one, I admire that about myself they are beautiful traits to have.

Sometimes I don’t get that same patience and understanding reciprocated and I don’t expect them to lol. I see where they’re at. It’s okay if they cannot accept me. I love myself. To have the emotional maturity and have a healthy conversation in these relationships has to start with that person WANTING to heal. But if they chose to blame me and others for their issues there’s nothing I can do. At the end of the day, I got to choose my peace and sanity.

I’ve kept my distance from said person but how can you still maintain relationships with the child of a narcissist that you care about while maintaining your peace and sanity? I’ve communicated maturely and calmly to this person and they typically respond with hate and anger. There’s no winning with these people.

[margaretcraigva]

“The price of someone loving you should not be you not loving you.” After a life with one covert narcissist after another, I really feel this. Time to go stare at myself in the mirror and ask me who I am!