How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Here’s what we do know about comparison- it contributes to mental health concerns like
eating disorders, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, body dissatisfaction, jealousy, narcissism, and perfectionism. It can also lead to other problems like overspending to keep up with the Joneses. One study found that when someone in a neighborhood won the lottery, neighbors began making big purchases like expensive cars that they couldn’t afford. When we compare ourselves to others it will always let us down in the long run.

Let’s talk about 3 reasons why comparison lets us down, and then we’ll talk about what to do instead.
Comparison is a brain shortcut, but it’s also a blind spot.
You’re outsourcing your identity- making yourself helpless
Comparison leads to isolation and drama

So, Catch yourself comparing yourself. On a practical level- You could use my worksheet.
Write down the situations where you most often compare yourself to others
Write down you most common comparison thoughts
Remind yourself- Thoughts aren’t reality (let’s challenge that thought)
1. My comparisons are usually false
Selective filtering makes me highlight their good and my bad.
I can’t see the whole person- no one has it all
Get off social media. You think you can see through it, but you can’t. Unfollow toxic accounts. Write and notice the types of accounts that demotivate you- parenting, weight loss, makeup, etc

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

[macarenaceballos]

its insane how messages come exactly when we need them. I made the decision 3 days ago to stay away from social media because I was comparing myself too much, I was there all day. Instead, I realize, I started using that time to work on been better, to try to find the good things in myself. And using my time to do good and connect in a organic way

[ERRNCJ]

My mom told me as a child "There is always going to be someone smarter than you, better looking, or just not like you. Get over it." BAM. Ended that rabbit hole thinking age 11. She was very loving, but direct. Helped me to survive 21 moves, and be content in a crazy medical profession for 45 years. 💖

[Madchris]

Another thing that comparison can do is make you feel like a nasty person. If you are constantly battling people out in your own head and tearing people down, its draining and doesn't feel right.

[deniseparker]

Comparison is the thief of joy.
And "Nobody can make me feel inferior without my consent. " Eleanor Roosevelt

[DreamingwithD]

" i compare my deepest reality with their outward appearances" wow..thank you

[Entingai]

8:55 "Your worth is inherent. Your are always worthwhile and valuable. And the goodness of your life depends on how closely you live your values"

❤ Thank you.

[angiecas]

I love how Emma pauses as she explains things. It feel more like an actual conversation woth someone who is being sincere.

[LostGirlAt]

I need this, i'm in my unemployed era after college, its very overwhelming seeing people have their life together, its so bad i dont even looking for a job, everytime this topic come up i feel crippled with anxiety and cant function... For this past few days, ur content has helped me a lot, thank u so much for what u do 🙏❤❤

[ASpootifulMind]

Such a simple but profound proverb: "you never know what hides behind a smile."

[elisenieuwe]

It's super difficult not to do that. I'm 35 single, median income, no car (no big need, thank mother earth), student loan and I rent an apartment alone. Everyone around me is together, good incomes, bought a house, vacations every year, cars, you name it. Even most of my colleagues are way better of compared to me. It's not a problem that they have more, it's that I don't have much at all. I can't go on the trips I want to go. I almost never go out for dinner because I can't afford it. I often don't buy the clothes I truly like, since they are not cheap. (Not expensive, but also not cheap.)

It sucks massively if you're in this position and you know that unless you meet a nice partner, you're not going to get much further financially in life and it holds you back doing many of the things you would love to do. And then the people around you they can all do these things.
Depressing AF.

[rfbite]

"Love is a renewable resource, the more you give the more you have "

[ahsanrahib]

As a dyslexic introverted person with adhd i constantly compare myself with others at work. I mess up all the time and i dont like it. Things come so easy to everyone.

[marcia]

I am reminded of an old saying" I pitied myself because I had no shoes; then I met the man who had no feet" There will always be people who seem to have more buy we can be grateful for what we do have! I pray daily to the Lord but i always am grateful for what i do have. Some days its hard to find bit its always there if we look. Thank you Emma for your gift of compassion and love for humanity...We all need help from each other!✝️🕊️💟

[elizabethsnyder]

My mom always told us be ourselve be unique be different is okay. Discovering who you are then worry about others or what others thinks.

[prschuster]

Every once in a while I convince myself to forget what everyone else thinks of me. That's such a great feeling. Wouldn't it be great if I could always feel that way? I find it more enjoyable to be good at something, rather than trying to be better than everyone else - a game you will always lose.

[lgweelh]

You don’t know how meaningful it is to show support by having a keffiyeh in your filming frame.. thank you!🇵🇸🇵🇸

[Aklifedesign]

As a budding coach, getting off of social media really helped my "compare & despair" issues I was having.

[edgreen]

As a clinician thank you. You compare yourself to yourself. I am a disabled psychologist. When i do self talk i refuse to give a number to my leg pain. I just say " the legs are a bit troublesome today" the brain doesn't recocognize not. Its like saying not chocaolate cake. The brain hears chocolate cake.

[Mpxyzmby]

“Stop comparing and start connecting” love that!

[naturallyherb]

This video brings me so much joy. Comparing myself to others has been a chronic problem for me, and oftentimes hard to find a way out. Glad I came across this so I can gain more insight of myself. Much gratitude to your presence and what you do!