When a foster to adopt parent shares with friend that TPR occurred for their foster child

This isn't a moment to celebrate. It is a crisis in a family.

Even if you are a foster to adopt family and planning to provide permanency, it's important to be sensitive to the trauma occurring in the child's life.

TPR= Termination of Parental Rights
This can be appealed and reversed in some cases.
After TPR, the parent has no legal rights to the child.
Usually, after this, the child moves to a permanency plan that is: guardianship, long-term foster care, or adoption.

[joyevefarmandforge]

I burst into tears when the gavel came down in my daughter’s TPR. Social worker thought I was relieved because now we could adopt her. I was heartbroken for her.

[anitaaranceta]

In the description it's better explained. TPR means Termination of Parental Rights, which also means the child(ren) will be now going to a long term foster, adoption or a guardianship.

[zonedout]

i’m now the guardian to my 11 year old brother since August. Our mom had a stroke and is paralyzed. I have no kids and didn’t want any but I am trying everything and anything to be a good support for my brother. your videos help me a lot with ideas and ways to talk to him. I know i’m his sister and not a foster parent but I went from knowing nothing and you’ve taught me a lot

[mrslvw]

Even if TPR was wanted, the situation that lead to that point would have been a LOT so it's a mixed bag even in the best scenario.

[peggybaby]

I was 8 and I remember that day in court like it was yesterday, I’m 43. 😢 Thank you for educating. I really hope there’s foster parents really listening and learning.

[stephenkirkland]

Foster care is so bittersweet. By default, others outside the situation often tend to be “excited” at milestone events - coming into care, holidays, TPR, even adoption. But as you have a chance to really connect with family/friends over time, they begin to unpack all of the emotions with you.

Kids come into care on one of the worst days of their lives. While it’s natural to be excited to be able to love on and provide for these children, it’s also a very heavy day.

TPR breaks legal connections between families - but no one can break the emotional connection between family members. That’s an eternal bond. Just because a Judge made a ruling, doesn’t mean things get any easier at home. Often times, TPR can spark an entirely new set of emotions and conversations with the child due to the permanency of the decision. That can weigh so heavily on a child.

Even adoption can be bittersweet. Yes, “Gotcha Day” is fun and exciting. But it’s also a day where the child can feel abandoned by bio-family. And it can be a reminder of all the things lost and left behind from previous life: family, friends, teachers, schoolmates, neighbors, etc. Each of these groups are “losses”that the child may be reminded of on adoption day - or any given day of the year. Not just on anniversaries.

In many senses, Foster Care is so much more about managing the roller coaster of emotions and trauma than it is about putting food on the table and getting kids to school. That’s the easy part. The tough part is listening to the stories, sharing the heartbreak, and teaching these amazing children how to process and regulate all of the things they’ve experienced.

[AsherWolfson]

For those who don't understand why;
One reason is that TPR means the hope of them being restored to their parents is totally and permanently gone.
Anyone who cares about a child wants their relationship with their parents to be healthy, even if it is currently extremely dysfunctional.
A child who gets TPR has basically lost their birth parents.

Yes, maybe they are better off without that toxicity, but they're still family.

Nobody should be happy with that child's loss.

[jesscharles]

My parents were foster parents for 25 years and I got to be a sister to so many kids that I still have relationships with today and I applaud you and your channel for doing everything right. My parents did adopt 3 children who are my siblings and I love them with all my heart and soul. These kids just want a family to love them and support them in every way possible.

[mariahchill]

My initial response when someone tells me news (could be good or bad), I put my feelings/perspective aside and ask "How do we feel about this?" So I can be on the same page, there is nothing worse/unhelpful than a person who is on a different side than you are, we need our friends on our side for strength and support ❤️

[abby]

My aunt is a Foster Mom. It always hurts to say goodbye to the kids, but TPR hurts even worse sometimes. Your heart aches for that poor child who may never have their bio parents in their life again. She hates it when people ask her if she will keep the kids. Of course she wants them, but she wants them to have both bio parents and bio siblings too. Her oldest foster turned adopted daughter was adopted separately from her bio siblings, but she can still see them which is great. It's a very touchy subject for her. You never know what those kids go through. 💔

[jessicacain]

Compassion over Celebration.
Its key to life!!

[phoenixrose]

My siblings go for this in February. We're all hoping our mom will lose rights. Their foster mom they've had for a year will be moving forward with adopting them and my siblings will no longer be forced to talk to our mom. 🙏🏼🤞🏼

[sba]

Watching these is making me a better person.

[deijix]

This is what happened with me. I was just lucky enough that I was still a baby when everything happened and was adopted very quickly. I can’t imagine what a child whos old enough to process something as heavy as that must go through, though.

[kathrineprice]

Thank you so much for your page. I’ve adopted twice and am a legal guardian too. I’ve felt so guilty when my heart hurt for what they lost with their bio families. I still cry when I think of what the bio families have lost. My kids are AMAZING, and I am so fortunate to get to watch them grow close up with the daily contact that entails. That gift in my life came at a cost to others, though, including a loss to my kids. No matter how hard I try to keep the lines open, it can never be like what it would be if they had grown up in healthy bio families with their first mothers and fathers around them.

My family and most of my friends act like I’m crazy to see this as a mix, both a gift and a huge loss. Having my (now mostly secret) feelings reflected in your videos is so validating and helps give me new ways to talk about it with my kids so that I can make sure as best I can that they know they don’t have to hide their feelings from me.

[Verocapote]

This channel just makes me want to cry idk why. She's so kind and beautiful. I'm happy to share this world with her. In my country there's no such things as a foster parent program but I definitely want to help those who need it.

[theasceticlivesofmothers]

This is so wonderful. Same with "gotcha day" it's a happy day, yes, but also a day of great loss. And if you have birth children it does not include them in the building of the family. Having a "family day" can be something to look forward to each year where the family unit is celebrated with whoever is currently part of the family.

[nidiagarcia]

I had an experienced with CPS and they were under the believe I had abandon my kiddo and left them with their father . Once they learned that his father kidnapped him the went hard on the TPR so my kiddo was a foster child for about 1 week. It was the most hardest week for both of us, because of showing the social worker that I was completely capable and had kiddo’s room ready . Will always have respect for that Particular social worker who let me see my child.

[FinancialfitDiva]

I get this! Children especially young ones love their parents no matter what. While this could be the best decision for their well-being they may not understand that at the time. It's no cause for celebration because it's a loss.

[toriibarlow]

Think a lot of people forget that the ultimate goal is reunification and there can be a lot of heavy emotions for everyone involved but that is the ultimate goal. I'm glad you have these videos to help educate people so that they don't come across as insensitive