Are You Being TOO NICE? The Dark Side of 'Goodness'

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Themes: People Pleasing, Authenticity, Belonging, Relationships, Manipulation, Goodness, Kindness, Niceness, Low Self-Worth, Validation, Mistrust, Boundaries, Codependency, Personal Growth, Authentic Connections, Relational Patterns, Mutual Respect, Interdependence

0:00:00 Intro
0:00:24 The Shadow Side of Goodness in Relationship
0:01:08 Identifying as “Nice”
0:02:18 Feeling Manipulation
0:03:06 Unconsciously Creating Issues
0:05:05 Perpetual Re-wounding and The Decision to Orient from Health
0:05:55 The Power of Resentment
0:06:38 Naming Our Unconscious Contract
0:06:55 Why “Nice Guys Finish Last”
0:08:45 Genuine Kindness and No Longer Hustling For Your Worth
0:09:44 Getting to the Root of this Learned Behavior
0:10:54 Owning our Reality
0:12:25 Interdependency and Authentic Relationships

[hearttalkscoach]

Excellent ways to contextualize what is more broadly known as "people pleasing" and why it happens. Most of us learn in one way or another we have to be SOMEONE ELSE or some OTHER WAY to be safe, loved and accepted - to get our basic need of belonging met. So unrelenting servitude is not always a sign of a good person, but almost always a sign of a hurt person. Learning where this comes from, what it's trying to tell you /what needs its trying to meet and how to befriend the impulse are crucial to breaking the cycle. Thanks Mark!

[joannafisher]

I’ve been there 😅 I also found it caused resentment when it wasn’t returned, I believed I was worth being saved too, but I never was in the way that I saved others.

[tylercrooks]

Nice one, MG. Jordan Peterson talks about how resentment can both be a sign of how you are being treated unfairly AND also can be a teacher of how you are being entitled or your expectations may need to be reconsidered, too.

So, it might be helpful to tell your partner why you are resentful (what your expectation is) and ask them for their honest feedback about your expectations, as they may not be willing to meet them. 😎