Narcissistic Parents: Things You Do Because of the Trauma They Caused

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[monicaperez]

Growing up, when I had conflict with someone, it was always my fault and they were always right. My parents never defended me.

[Kvinnie]

They never defended me. Took the perpetrators side always. Even things like needing something for school was a sigh and so inconvenient to them. All while demanding undying loyalty and respect. Insane. Psychopaths.

[Kinesiology]

You find out who someone truly is the first time you say "no" to them. And it's amazing how many people create drama and/or drop out of your life when you say "no" Good riddance.

[mariadaquila]

As my narc Father would say, “Honor thy Mother and Father.” Impossible when they don’t honor you🙄. I told him he should really look into what that means.

[editorjeannie]

My mom defending me only when it would reflect badly on her not to.

[ladanmohsenin]

My mother is a grandiose histrionic narcissist. She chose me as a scapegoat and destroyed my childhood, adolescence and youth. She is the most cruel and lying person I have ever met. In my 50s after my depression and with the help of a psychologist I was able to break up with her



[wearitlikeadiva]

My situation is a little different. My Mum showed narcissistic tendencies when I was a teen. She got worse and abused me for 40yrs (my whole adult life), I am 58yrs old and finally went NC in Feb 2023. Now I am processing through PTSD and trauma. I am also chronically ill with ME/CFS and learned that she has been keeping me chronically ill for that long from prolonged abuse and trauma. If you recognize it, get OUT, especially if your parent is abusive and turned your child or children against you, which my Mum did.

[joanneshank]

You were one of the first therapist I heard who helped me start to understand the crazy confusion of my family. I am still healing but I don’t feel crazy anymore and have found so much peace! Thank you Jerry!

[NANASplash]

My father was an abusive alcoholic narcissist and mom was paranoid schizophrenic. What a wild ride. My siblings have either committed suicide (2) or become drug abusers and ultimately schizophrenics (2) or are crippled by illness and depression (1) and are unable to live normal lives. I was the oldest, so every baby was mine as soon as they could move. Next baby was born when I was 20 months old. Every 2 years, another one. I didn’t think any of us would live to grow up.

[DHW]

I wish this information was available when I was a child, a young adult, even at the beginning of my middle-age years. When I finally walked away from our narcissist mother, I thought her problem was "pathological envy", as she was relentlessly marginalizing, belittling, attacking my successes in front of family, friends, strangers, even the prosecutor who put Dad's killer away.

She needed to be directly confronted about this. We needed her to be confronted about it. Instead, we were confronted as the root of all her problems.Life with Mom was absurd!

[viajoseph]

My mother saved the hospital bill of when I was born, only to hand it to me in my 30!s “ Here, this is what you cost” (aggressively and resentfully) as she slammed the bill down on the table (always adding the drama)… Of course, hinting that I owed her that money. Which she would’ve gladly accepted btw.
That’s her classic idea of ‘humor’ always at someone’s expense, somehow …and I wonder why I struggle with feelings of worthlessness…🙃 she probably thought she was being cute. It cut right through me. I found it so offensive I can’t quite put my finger on what it is about it that is so offensive but a deep knowing inside me knows that this is so wrong.

… would’ve been nice if I had one giant bill of all the therapy she has cost me throughout my life and I could’ve countered and said boom - Well, this is what you ARE costing me!

[etaokha]

I parent differently to how i was raised.

[karendobbs]

I grew up in a family of narcissists, then went on to marry a narcissist. I’m beginning to think there are more narcissists than I ever knew. I didn’t even realize I grew up in a narcissistic home, until I started reading about narcissistic families, and it all fell into place. I was the scapegoat in my family of narcissists, the one who was blamed for things I wasn’t responsible for, and treated worse than my narcissistic siblings. No one wanted to listen to me, when I had anything to say, and when my siblings started an argument, and I said anything back, it was my fault. I was always the problem. My mom especially would get mad at me, even when she knew my siblings started the argument. My dad wasn’t quite as bad, but not much help either. He stayed out of it. No one ever defended me.

[aena]

And feeling paranoid that everyone is trying to one up us or has some kind of evil intentions towards us in one way or another constantly looking out for myself and feeling defensive all the time 😭

[jds]

I had a blinder on till I was 59 years old that i did not understand what a narcissist my mom was and still is. So many things that she said and did as to me as a child growing up. Hopefully I will heal at some time from her abuse.

[ellesutopia]

“You have too much closeness with a relationship that doesn’t call for that much closeness.” Wow!

[juliaoconnor]

I can relate to a lot of this.
What i'm really realizing at 57 is just how muvh it was ingrained in me to dismiss, minimize & even devalue myself that i was groomed & trained to do that from the ground up that i was taight to gaslight myself.

[doasyoulikefawkes]

This is so close to reality, I'm a 60 years old survivor. So I can verify everything is like a description of me.👍

[Donkey]

I apologize just to keep peace.
When there’s conflict around me, I run cause I hyperventilate. Can’t handle conflict or stand up for myself