6 Archetypes of Toxic Parents

In this episode, I describe six archetypes of toxic parents, characteristics, variations, how you might get triggered in the present day, and what makes it toxic!
I hope it's helpful to you!

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY:
Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

Editing Service:

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[annevolpe]

wow my parents managed to collect them all! how good for them for achieving so much

[hurbig]

“Needs get you into trouble”
Thank you so much for helping me understand what happened to me

[sookiebyun]

The reactive parent … the first and last time I ever asked my father to help me with my homework, he threw things if I couldn’t understand the math problem. He told me to have a problem done when he returned but I was so scared I couldn’t think. I snuck out to find my sister to help me md he saw me. He held me up against the wall with his hands around my neck…. I don’t remember what happened after that. 😢 He was crazy!

During my elementary school parent teacher open houses, he would go and give the teacher permission to hit me. No adult ever helped me nor my sister. The safe person was my mother, who was negligent. Not even comforting. Classic. The monster …

[lms]

I feel like I scored the bad parents bingo board. I don't know whether to be horrified or marginally proud I survived.

[leshehouse]

I would also call the safer parent the mirage parent. That "safety" and "trust" that they'd understand and do the right thing was all an illusion.

[gigicolada]

A lot of my friends growing up in the 90s had one monster parent coupled up with a safer parent. As an adult I can see what a perfect description that is. As a kid, I thought that’s kind of what a two parent household looked like, and at the time, I was grateful for my single mom and rotating stepdads.

[Sliverthearcher]

Timestamps:
1:19 The Reactor
7:01 I Just Work Here
11:28 The “Safe” Parent
17:22 The Monster
22:01 The Method Actor
28:38 The Child
36:47 Final Thoughts
Have a nice day/night.

[nancybartley]

Boy, did I have the "I just work here" parent. I know she felt she was doing a great job and I am grateful for having my body fed, clothed and for being sent to school, BUT the confusion of this type of subtle abuse (the lack of connection to you as mattering) creates denial for years. It wasn't well into adulthood that the truth surfaced but I still just couldn't accept it. I still question myself: I am an ingrate.
As Patrick says, my relationships in adulthood have been with people who are not involved with me. Again, I feel they treat me this way because they see my defects.
I also experienced the 'safer' parent issue. How many of us experienced more than one type of parenting?

[hannamiros]

Thank you for shedding light on this important and personal issue. I think it is nore taboo than other problems like PTSD after war or SA because it's your parents "you're supposed to love them". Your videos are very valuable and eye-opening. Thank you for taking the time to make them

[thefactanonverba]

I grew up with a single mother who was a reactor with a dose of child. I was parentified and the emotional support-giving has extended into my adulthood too. It made me extremely sensitive (and gave me some emotional intelligence superpowers I think, tbh) but now I constantly scan my partner, trying to read his moods. I try to anticipate or assume what his “problems” are in the day and try to fix them, and can’t deal with it if he’s grumpy or upset or even hurting. I also desperately want validation from him at times and need a lot of reassurance. I don’t find that it extends too much to other people except my partner, which I’m thankful for, but it’s done a number on my internal world. ie my mother used me as her diet buddy as a young child, and as an adult my relationship with my body is purely negative. These things are so hard to course correct but working on it, and even just seeing it, has really helped.

[reginafromrio]

Omg my mom was a total monster. Jeez you were a fly on the wall in my childhood! You've pretty much described everything.

[JuanitaThompson-cmtq]

Your videos are so painfully accurate. I’m in tears right now. I can see how my difficulties expressing my feelings and setting personal boundaries affect my relationship with our daughter. Emotionally distant/passive(me) married to an extremely reactive angry man-child. Wow.😢

[ooostarbrryooo]

6/6 A+ Parenting!

As someone with bpd this video triggered me soooo hard despite already knowing these things.

[ludmilamaiolini]

I wonder how many fathers would fall under the category of “I just work here” parent. It seems to me that being removed from your child’s daily needs is just as culturally accepted as being a controlling father.
But that assessment might be my own trauma talking 😅

[Really_Velvet]

Mine is definitely the I just work here parent! I never heard it put that way before.

[reginafromrio]

You hit the nail on the head with the safer parent being the mind f. I used to idolize my father but at the end of the day, he didn't protect me.

[TF-fvlt]

Realize there isn't a single human on the world who isn't mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually dysfunctional. We all are. When did it start? Who knows. But, we all are. Everyone should be working on healing.

[lindsaygale]

This was very helpful because it also shined some light on some bad tendencies I have or that are creeping up from childhood trauma. I want to work on eliminating those. Learning about toxic parents was great but it was insightful to learn about the why and when I get triggered I may do some of the same self-sabotaging things (and not good to others) my family did. I got to work on myself to break the cycle of generational trauma and prevent myself from becoming a toxic parent to my future children.

[dragonclaws]

My mother was very busy running from my alcoholic father and cleaning up his messes. I was always self posessed and made myself invisible as to not make more difficulty for mom who was being beaten. Then she remarried a man who resents my very existence..cheated out of a dad twice. Depression and anxiety are my life.

[babaganouche]

Holy crow Patrick. Your description of children of Monster and Safer parents is me and my brothers. I really value how much you get it and help us understand what our behaviours are and how to fix them. Mom was the safer parent and a method actor. Dad was a monster, reactive, child and method actor.