When your parent says... (6 Archetypes of Toxic Parents)

In this clip from my video, I describe six archetypes of toxic parents, characteristics, variations, how you might get triggered in the present day, and what makes it toxic!

I hope it's helpful to you!

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

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My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[marniejones]

That reminds me, I've always been on my own even when my parents were around, my existence never bothered them or made them excited. I was just there on my own. Doing things on my own. Because they always had this "can't you do this?" Or " I'm not responsible for it" sort of approach. Now when someone compliments me on my behavior or stuff and say how well my parents raised me, I can't help but get aggravated. I raised myself. I want to make that clear.

[talonsarise]

When I asked my NM for help with a bully in elementary school she sighed annoyingly, looked away in disdain and said "Well when you get tired of it you'll do something". Which, technically is true, but the annoyance at her ONLY daughter being abused, lack of empathy and unwillingness to even feign sympathy or comfort left me feeling shamed and all alone, as I often felt with her. She was my only parent too. I never asked her for help or advice ever again.

[superoriginalname]

I once tried to explain to my mother why I was upset and she fucking laughed at me. So yeah

[reginafromrio]

Good to read all of your comments. Yeah when I was about ten yrs old, I asked my mom if she believes in unconditional love and she said " no. Technically I have to love you but I don't have to like you". I think I got about 5 hugs from her in my life and they were more like pats on the back from an acquaintance.

[kjbrocky]

Unfortunately, kids don't know that just because their parents were gratifying their lust and got pregnant doesn't mean they should be parents!

[hawthorne]

Some people should never be parents. Time there was some sort of test/assessment of the willingness AND capacity to be a healthy parent.

[shermarkle]

My mom told my daughter yesterday that she raised us to be independent. I think she is confused about what that means.

[LittleLulubee]

My demon mother never cared or helped me when my demon brother abused me… she would always dismiss my complaints and say oh, cmon! He loves you, he never complains about you! 🙄🙄 That’s because she’s the covert evil-doer, who brainwashed him against me, and prompted him to abuse 😡😡 It was her indirect way of attacking and sabotaging me!! All while playing INNOCENT 😡😡😭😭

[HealthyThinkingsubstack]

There you go… Talking about my dad again

[doloreszombory]

This gave me great insight into how my parents were raised and why they were both a combination of Monster/Child. They also each had one parent who was a Child archetype, so they both had their stories of early responsibilities—taking care of siblings or working to pay for basic needs their parent should have provided. My mom had lots of learned helplessness issues, acting like she couldn’t drive or balance a checkbook or handle emergencies. and my father had an out-of control temper that scared the hell out of all of us. A cross between a child’s tantrum and a scary monster. Seems like monsters are just very angry children. Both children of Child/ I Just Work Here parents. These archetypes explain so much but also raise new questions. My parents had to be little adults for their own child parents but this didn’t help them be fully adult to their own kids.

[g.g.]

When you say "I just work here" I think of my father because he always bitterly referred to himself as "the producer" meaning he was just there to provide money and housing. He seemed to think it was a really clever term he'd come up with and would lament to me, his daughter, "I should've never been a producer, Beth." Like I was supposed to feel sorry for him and not disgusted with his stupid, tired "producer" comments and what a horrible outlook that is on fatherhood. And then my mother would say "Your father seems angry but he's really just afraid. He feels irrelevant, like his children don't come to him for his input" etc etc. Oh mom, is that supposed to elicit pity? Are we failing you and dad in that way? Hasn't Dad already established that his "input" makes stressful situations 1, 000 times more stressful?

[abigailkendrick]

I always wonder why these types of people even have children.. I mean what were they expecting?

[xavariel]

This is why abortions need to be safe and available. Not everyone should have offspring.

[LN-jrnj]

My dad is the I just work here parent. He’s above having any interest in his kids but we were always expected to chase the validation he was never going to give. When we didn’t, we were bad kids.

[thelordcomanderwhocriedwolf]

When I was told as a child to brush my teeth, I told my mother I did not know how to do that yet and asked her if she could teach me how. She just growled at me: "Why do I have to teach you everything? Why can you not just be there for me?!" She told me that about basicly every day before I was 5 or six years old I guess up untill the last time we spoke.

[Carlotta_Lee_Ray]

That was my dad. He was at work or at the bar. He avoided the house because my mother was a rage monster, and he couldn’t be bothered to actually be a parent or a spouse. School projects were a disaster.

[michellet]

Wow this was literally my dad. Even the part about kids visiting him. Too much it's unbelievable.

[nathenewendzel]

So does the "I just work here" parent even work here?

[moscowcowboy_]

My birth mother used to say, "What was I supposed to do? What do you want me to do? I didn't know...." After I got abused by her husband.

[SoManyRandomRamblings]

Bill Cosby made a joke that his description of a dad is just to grunt, and play goalie to keep the kids from getting away from mom's abuse. That was an accurate description of our dad. My youngest brother has always said he was raised by mom and me.