Red Flag of a Narcissist #36: People Either Love Them or Hate Them

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[tkdgalsamm]

My son is a narcissist and it is so hard because people believe a mother should have unconditional love for their child. They do NOT understand. This video exactly describes what is happening in our lives. He is so charming, smart, and a master manipulator that a lot of people totally believe all his outrageous lies. It is so terribly heart breaking. Thank you for sharing these videos. It has been a blessing for us to watch them.

[eccesignumrex]

You hit on something there, at the beginning, with the 'how helpful they are' - EVERY narc. i've known swears they're of infinite use to society - and how much they're actions are based in helping people. The gas-lighting of themselves to drive themselves forward(?) ... with "I'm not evil - I'm good - you're evil..."

[ameliaboucher]

There might be a fourth type who is completely immune to the narcissist's charm from the beginning. They never get hooked. They may be critical or indifferent towards the narcissist.

[denisefuentes]

Dana, You have opened my eyes. I have begun making my escape plan. I have also begun codependency treatment, financial planning and fitness training. I've been so confused and stuck. Now, I am reclaiming my life. Thank you so much.

[myshadowstalksme]

This is so true. Ex narc always had falling out with his "friends". I couldn't keep track of who he was friends with during the week, of course I was never allowed to talk about it to him. His coworkers and especially his bosses when he had a job, couldn't stand him. It was mostly all the women, of course his defense was they are just mad because he wouldn't sleep with them and they hate men. All his exes hated his guts and their family. He said they were just bitter because he ended the relationship, yeah okay. Now I know the real why.

[girlinterrupted]

I get so heated still when I talk about my ex, people just love him and think he's the "nicest guy" but his ex had complained to management that he was stalking her on the property (coming by and wandering around when he no longer lived there) and someone kept letting the air out her tires (wonder who that was, right?) I had no idea that I would be dealing with the same fears that his previous ex dealt with!!! I've been so scared he's going to find me, even though I've moved

[tartman]

BTW...we all love you Dana-kins! I think you are adorable! I wish you were my own sister for real! I've never said that about any woman, but man you are so much an inspiration! Go get em tiger <3

[Seafox]

Very good insight and oversight of that broken thought dynamic - social conditioning is a powerful default that needs to be pushed back to expose the truth. Thanks for this - a very clear explanation of these erroneous thoughts.

[tartman]

Wanna hear something creepy? The narcissist DOES know and understand why you're doing what you're doing. And they love to watch others criticize you for turning your back on them. Bet you got a visual on that thought. Gives me shivers.

[heatherrae]

Such great insights for me! Thank you for this important information!

[MsMay]

This Is Well said and explained thanks!!.L.

[ceeceesrevenge]

Thanks for making this video. you have just described my mother.I am an only child so it was hellacious for me growing up with an Alcoholic mother and and abusive stepfather.
I always felt that something was off. Over the past year and half I found out that my mother is a narcissist and I believe my step father was too. I am in the low contact mode with my "mother" after confronting her about a month ago. Her behavior has not changed and never will. I am close to closing the door on her completely.

[alcudiababe]

listening to the four main potholes im the last one. treating people how id expect to be treated...

[leslievinderslev]

Thank you for acknowledging the boundaries- And that it is ok that I set them and be fine with my decision! Not only am I dealing with an ex spouse that is a narc but also a brother -in-law that is. I had to put my foot down and now distance myself from my sister and her husband because he thought it was his place to tell me what and how to deal with my 3 boys- even telling me that he was going to take them to give them a stable environment! My sister allowed for him to tell me this. Needless to say, I told him to never bother to talk to me again. He has no right. And she isnt much better for allowing him to carry on in such away. My mom is somewhat beside herself and is plenty upset, but also said someday I will need to talk to my sister and forgive her. Um.... ya that certainly isnt on my radar right now. Your videos are so helpful and reassuring that I have done the right thing. Thanks again for your postings!

[carrienakashima]

thanks so much for this huge point... the one i know is incredibly loved or completely hated and not talked to anymore by ppl. I always found the way he left a trail seemed odd. but then I'd blame me for not being as accepting of this person that seemed to be "liked" by everyone.

[cbahm]

This needs to be a meme! My favorite quote of this show: "I wish you peace and love, but from behind a closed door that I'm now going to nail shut." Thanks, Dana! I particularly liked your concept of "thought holes" too; that really resonated for me. I had a relative tell me, "That make you, " as if that means I no longer have any choice in the matter and I should be grateful for whatever I get. You're helping me put non-insightful observations into a healthy perspective. <3

[jackinthebox]

Absolutely brilliant post! Best of the lot and one of the best out there on the actual dynamics involved dealing with not the Narcissist but their enablers. I have long given up on the narcs in my life but for a long time have been upset with the bystanders that continue the abuse by their ignorance. And you know what? Dump the LOT!! Life is too short.

[tartman]

"Thought Holes"... I'm stealing it, ok? Damn you're awesome! I went from the 1st group to the third group, full circle...with the same person! Lordy, what a long, strange trip it's been. Thanks again! :)

[hollybaywright]

Hey Dana.  This is so helpful.  How do you KNOW all this stuff??  Doesn't matter - it is helping me so much, because I can hardly think straight, and you seem to show me "where the bubbles are going..." so I know which way is up, under water.  I am so under water.  Thank you so much for your help.

[mahtiel]

this talk is so spot on! thank you for saying this. i have exactly that type of family trouble and i stuggle with cognitive dissonance.