“I stress over money—but we’re seeing Taylor Swift in France tomorrow”

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks Taylor, 39, and Steve, 42. They're married and live in New York City. Steve lost his job years ago, but has coasted without getting serious about his career. Taylor’s done the opposite—and now she’s ready to buy a home. Does Steve have what it takes to make a change for their future?

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[ramitsethi]

Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[charles_cody]

To the angel, absolute angel, sound engineer. The voices in this are crystal clear, soft, & pleasant. Please never stop engineering sound.

[kimgaddis]

I lived this life for 15 years until I had to walk away even though I "loved" him. My counselor gave me some of the best advise... "Sometimes you have to love people from a distance because if not they will destroy you mentally and financially." Here is the nuts and bolts of it. She either loves him enough to be okay with him not working and helping and let it go or loves herself enough to walk away and do better for herself. I had rather struggle alone than struggle with the weight of two people.

[SuzanneU]

What I see in Steve is what a friend describes as "weaponized helplessness".

[nazikiwe]

This episode hit home for me. Just left a 3 year relationship with a guy who left a stable job to be self-employed. After 2.5 years he was broke and spent his time writing blogs instead of actively seeking new clients. I was losing respect for him due to his lack of proactiveness and poor decision making. I didn’t want to end up supporting 2 people. Seeing this couple, I’m so glad we didn’t get married. There would have been so much resentment.

[RadCenter]

Word of advice: Having a large property with a food garden is incompatible with travel during the growing season, unless you know someone who can care for it while you're away.

[barbaratozzano]

Parents, let your children struggle! Allow them to fail. This is what happens to kids who never failed. Failure is where learning happens and where the muscle to pull ourselves up comes from.j

[amandawithlov]

It sounds like Steve is living his rich life already while Taylor is not living her rich life. That is why he hasn't changed.

[spf_]

This man said mushrooms 😭😭😭 this is going to be a ride.

[BuyLessJess]

I try not to buy much but Ramit is out here inadvertently selling me high quality sweaters.

[harmonyandpurpose]

This man shows a LOT of signs of clinical depression. My guy, if you are reading this, please consider seeking some help to explore that possibility. Even if it isn’t the case, you will be showing yourself some big self-love by taking that step. Spoken from experience; just give it a try and see what happens. Wishing the best for you both.

[elaynegiahoover]

Ramit's facial expressions while he *politely* hints that Steve is basically a toddler . . .. priceless.

[BagsNBaguettes_]

Steve is comfortable. There’s a few things here: he’s clinically depressed but so are many people and they still have to make a living. Additionally, he’s been living a life of luxury and the idea of him going to work a 50k job hurts his ego. The last thing is she’s his safety, she’s his mother. She’s taking care of him. No incentive to get a job.

[kferencik]

This is not a money problem. This is a relationship problem. I don’t understand why either of them wants to be married to the other.

[ramitsethi]

I want to take a minute to appreciate this week’s podcast guests, and ALL of the guests who come on my show.

Imagine the courage it takes to open up and share the intimate details of your relationship and finances for the whole world to see—and LEARN from.

Let’s show our couples compassion. None of us know how we’d react to these unique life circumstances until they happen to us. So let’s thank them from their openness.

Instead of judging, ask yourself: what can I take away and apply to my own situation?

Judgmental and rude comments will be deleted.

[kellybirchenough]

Speaking from experience, please get yourself counseling Taylor to find your way. You are better than this, what is your rich life? he is holding you back besides going on fun trips. I married a med school classmate that ended up flunking out after his mom died. I gave him ample time to recover but he never got a job again, paid for his med school loans had two kids with him and he chose to be a stay at home dad except he wasn't taking care of the house we bought, never mowed the lawn, and wasnt really a good stay at home dad either. His choice was to take "legal" recreational drugs no doubt because he was depressed but after 3.5 years of marriage and almost 9 years together. I called it quits 3 months after my 2nd child was born and filed for divorce. Please don't be me and expect them to rise to the occasion with even more responsibility because he is not even cutting it now before a house and kids. Sorry Steven you need to be a drifter and let her go.

[michaelvo]

Watching the couple do the CSP behind the scenes was a nice perspective. You can see that the conversation they have in private is more honest, less civil, and slightly disrespectful than when Ramit is present.

[jzmina]

I pray God keeps this kind of love far far away from me.

A whole marriage and you’re still functioning as individuals. You can’t change him girl…

[bladesdna]

I'm saying this not as a judgement, but just as my analysis. Steven is a classic grifter. The way that he knows just the right things to say, and says precisely the things he needs to change, and what she wants to hear. He knows exactly what to say to survive another week, another month and it turns into years. The points, the margin debt, all ways of cheating the system. Post show, she's given him ultimatums, but yet each deadline comes and goes with no consequence. Steven has a job and he's very good at it, it's squeezing the most value out of those around with the least amount of effort. He's even convinced many in the comments that his problem is depression, and that the problem isn't his fault or responsibility. I guarantee if she dumps him, he'll find another sugar mama to fund him his lifestyle. I think he's a very rational intelligent person, who's made the best play possible for the lifestyle he wants to live.

[katet.]

Oh my gosh Taylor is so inspirational to me! From details of her subway rides with the calculator "every day" thinking she would never go from $40k to over $100k, to recalling the process of trying to get a better job and starting her practice, building her confidence, to saying she's proud of herself -- I was so grateful to watch this episode! After their house discussion (47:14) I did not think she sounded like a mom, but like an ADULT -- planning, taking responsibility, thinking things out realistically, doing the difficult work to GROW. It takes time to change, and her follow-up showed her same adult work ethic and commitment to doing the work needed to get where they want to go. Bravo Taylor. Keep going for your rich life!