What To Do When He Won't Say 'I Love You'

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Let’s face it, words matter.

Especially in relationships when you want to hear your partner’s feelings. And that means you want him to say the words “I love you” every week rather than once every 6 months!

But what if your guy never says loving things to you?

In this week’s episode of LOVELife I talk with a caller who wishes her guy was more affectionate in her relationship. If you can relate to this problem, you’ll hear my BEST strategy for communicating your romantic needs and getting him to say “I love you” without needing to be asked all the time.

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[daneashley]

I was in a relationship with a man who told me he “loved” me all the time. But cheated on me and stole money and a bunch of other shit. The I love you’s are not everything!!!

If he treats you good and you know it in your heart, keep

[monicalevyt]

It's not about expressions, she clearly doesn't feel loved by him.

[HelegrielLyradin]

Matthew looks so sympathetic and understanding. That's the best thing about him. He takes women very seriously and caringly, and who wouldn't love that? I feel great just listening to him talking even though I have no problem like the caller does. Thanks a lot Matthew :)

[NikkiNicMakeup]

Sounds like he has a challenge with expressing emotions verbally. Be very careful in a relationship with a person who has challenges with expressing emotion or is emotionally closed off. You will feel unfulfilled in the relationship. Imagine 20 or even 50 years with this person guessing how they are feeling. No thank you! I've been there and it's really hard. My sympathies to anyone who is dealing with this.

[Dieviete]

Last night I saw video from Iyanla Vanzant called How to handle when someone you love doesn't love you back. She said this one thing, that really catch me. "People do what they do, the way they do it, based on who they are, and information that they have at the time. People are doing what they have learned. And maybe you are thinking that they are not loving you, but in truth this is the only way the know how to love. And it's not personal at all. It's not about them trying to hurt you, they just do what they know, how they know. You don't get to tell people how to love, or how to love you, you get to choose whether you want or not to participate in the way they are loving you back."

[DiraMcClintock]

My late husband was like this man.. he grew up in a non demonstative household. Never heard or told his mom the 'I love you "phrase . But they had a loving relationship. To the point I had to teach him to hug, but he showed me in his actions that he loved me.. It took years but eventually he would say "I love you " on a daily basis. He was a good man and a great husband.. the words didn't matter that much one I saw how he was raised.

[kimberleyann]

I asked "Do you love me?" after 11 months. The answer I got was "I care about you and I don't ever want to hurt you" 🤦🏼‍♀️ I broke it off.

[farolitodepapel]

My boyfriend is as expressive as a rock. He says in his family they don't express their feelings. And it's true: they don't even say 'Good morning'. He doesn't do on purpose, it's just the way he is. The other night he took me to a restaurant he woudn't have picked in this life nor the other, and wore for the first time a shirt I'd bought for him 4 months before because he feels it's too posh for him. He did it out of love, obviously. He's not good with words and I am, and sometimes he's overwhelmed by my speech and I'm angry at the way he stumbles against sentences. But when I get to calm down I can tell he's pushing it hard to put down in actions what he can't put down in words. Like that time when he picked me from work and there were flowers on the seat and when I asked, he replied 'They're yours!' I said 'Thanks. There's no need for you to spend...' 'Yes, you need them, you like them'. Yesterday he said he liked my skin and would like to hold me in his arms until he fell asleep... it's not a proper 'I love you' but it came as close as he could.
I totally understand the urge to listen to him saying 'I love you' out loud, but sometimes they say it in their own language and it wouldn't hurt for us to try and it.

[paolashiadanimartinezgarci]

ohh I really hate those unexpressive guys 😩😡😳

[theprousteffect]

Before you tell someone you love them, make sure you're okay with them not feeling the same way and/or not saying it back.

[farahshbeeb]

“I need to know if you’re prepared to make this important to you, because it’s important to me”. That line could apply to any change you believe should be made in the way you’re treated, regardless of the relationship type being love or friendship. ✨Thank you Matt for existing

[didih]

2 years he never said those words, he made compliments on me and I felt he appreciated me, but never those words came out of his mouth, I didn’t talk to him about this because I don’t want to feel like I have to ask for it. We broke up a week ago, but not because of this, but maybe related in some way.

[RM-vvhb]

"Words are nothing without actions.“ But I don't want random actions from my partner. I want commitment. I want him to say he believes in me out loud. It doesn't have to be specific words. I want to hear his commitment to our relationship. We all struggles with something and that's fine. Just commit.

[McFraneth]

Right in the beginning of my relationship with my partner (2007) he used to jump out of bed without giving me a kiss and cuddle first (we had different work starting times). I said I wanted a cuddle and a kiss before he left in the morning. He changed and after breakfast he'd come into the bedroom, stroke my back and face and kiss me tenderly on the cheeks and forehead like a child. It became a habit eventually. I was happy and he was happy that he made me happy. If a man is not prepared to alter his behaviour in such a simple way to make you so much happier (it sets me up for the day infact) then you should think hard about if he is right for you, and vice versa of course.

[TheMariayo]

Is it just me or do all of the voice callers sound the same?

[susiesuh]

Perhaps her boyfriend is from a family who shows love through action and not from saying " I love you" all the time.
I find so many people just blurting out those 3 words without meaning it. If her boyfriend reaches for her hand or cooks her favorite dish or changes the oil in her car etc etc then he is loving her.

[pinkunicornglitter]

It's definitely worth working out your "Love language" because it helps you understand how to show you love someone in their way. To some people a gift would show love, but to others words of affirmation shows love.
If someone fails to communicate their love in the right way , it expresses incompatibility because eventually the relationship becomes unfulfilling.

[violetlune]

I can speak on his behalf that the environment that one was raised in definitely has an effect on how open one expresses their feelings vocally. Growing up, I've never even seen my parents as much as a hug or kiss in front of me. Now that I'm grown having my own relationships, I've been consistently told by my partner that they wished I was more affectionate. My point is that it might sound like an easy task, I get choked up when these types of words try to roll off my tongue, but it doesn't mean that I don't love them. As Mathew says, don't focus on just his words but look at the bigger picture to understand why he's not being expressive. Great advice as always!

[Nnbu]

Saying I love you in a relationship is a positive turn on. It reminds you of that pure mature / youthful love. It's like vitality, very healing, a powerful expression of words. When it is genuine it is better than silver and gold. When it aligns with your
action it is a form of wealth. - Qutina - That helps create a healthy wholesome relationship

[selynasteriska]

I thought it was so nice and cute she took her time to tell Matthew how much his content helped her in the past. It is such an important thing for people doing the "helper" job to feel like they are really touching and helping!