Breaking the Habit of Smalltalk | Omid Scheybani | TEDxKish

Smalltalk is a broken concept that disregards the vast potential that lies in these first encounters. What if we could redefine the way we meet each other and how we initiate conversations?

Born in Germany to Iranian parents, Omid works with Google in charge of strategic cloud computing partnerships throughout Latin America. He is a world traveller and storyteller.

[olzhaskazakhstan]

"Each stranger out there is actually just another friend that we haven't met yet".

[kevinfukthezetamale]

For extroverts they tend to enjoy small talk by making themselves look impressive, but for introverts they abhor it, to them small talk is a sign of dishonesty.

[ellesrevisionsession]

Small talk has its place. If you break in with unorthodox questions people may get on their guard and you'll kill the conversation before its even had a chance. He's right to promote deeper conversation though. It's much more rewarding for everyone. After a couple of rounds of small talk is probably the best time to utilise his philosophy.

[fergomez]

The interest has to be genuine, if it's not silence is better.

[OMAR-vqyb]

Imagine someone is having a bad day and they run into this guy and he asks them deeply personal questions. Small talk is there to make sure the conditions are right before deeper conversations.

[hape]

We Germans hate small talk. That brought us the stereotype to be rude. We are ok with that, we are rather be seen as rude than superficial. Rudeness (we call it honesty) brings you farther in life and makes better friendships.

[davrothelegend]

Small talk is not a conversation. It is a lead-in into a conversation. A more meaningful conversation. Small talk is used for scanning common interests and to establish a tone and more importantly a rapport.

Many are just bad at this, and clearly something that this speaker does not understand (no we don't talk about the weather to learn about the other person!). Plus, the idea that you can have a deep and meaningful conversation with everyone is just arrogant. Small talk is essential, especially when it comes to business with those from other cultures and languages. Learn how to do it well rather than just dismiss it.

[BriX]

Its one thing to ignite and intellectual conversation, its another to sound like a federal agent

[thedynamicpanda]

“Predictable Superficiality” an intelligent insult.

[SebaxR]

i'm really interested to see what would've happened if he didn't get those cards with conversations starters at the event. my belief is that it would've been a whole different story.

as a person that truly values this type of deep, meaningful conversations, i also think that, realistically, them happening is more a matter of coincidence. the best conversations i've had (from what i recall) just happened to happen with the right people, at the right place, time.

he has a great point. i also despise the 'how's the weather' kinda talk. but thinking that every conversation has a high possibility of being meaningful depending on the effort that we put in sounds a little bit naive. it's not taking into account what the other person thinks at the degree it deserves.

bottom line: from my experience, best conversations are not forced, they're natural and sometimes that comes from the annoying scripted who what where etc questions. perhaps i'm not getting the full picture, but that's what i believe.

[nimim.markomikkila]

I so dig this!
Just my thoughts on the topic of conversing with other people. In my ears, silence is always more beautiful than "predictable superficial" small talk. But the deeper the conversation the more it spices up life:)

[hankchew]

Omid : What makes you happy today?
Taxi driver : Ten years ago today my wife got in my taxi, I took her and made her my wife.
Omid : Wow! That's so special.
Taxi driver : Yup, don't think anyone is still looking for her now so I'm safe.
Omid : Have a wonderful anniversary.

[arvinfe]

This is an amazing talk. Thank you for making me realise that it is perfectly fine to show your deep interest in another human being.

[ramaraop]

Great talk Scheybani... 7 billion people in the world has 7 billion unique life experiences to understand.... Daily we meet some many people...We need to talk to starangers always with good intentions.

[plasmichoneytrip]

Small talk gives people an opportunity to brag about their supposed fabulous life. I hate small talk. I’d rather have deep conversations at the appropriate time.

[MissHuergo]

I have understood is we are around the wrong people, but the question is; where is these people, how can we find this amazing and genuine people!! I want to confess whoever Is reading this I am very frustrated and so to a point where I turn my acquaintances or “friends” away for some time, after so long I don’t know if you feel the same way but I feel lost and all this time I feel is me the issue and after this amazing speech I can assure it not me but the surroundings I have my let inside my life. 🙏 so thankful.

[ユウキニール]

sonder

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk

[sgamer]

well said, "our motivations, our memories, our emotions"

[woozyzi]

I totally agree!!! I find small talks lame, a waste of time, a drain of mental energy and totally unfulfilling

[troycruz]

I agree with this as I’m sure a lot of others do as well. My only question is, how do you engage in “authentic conversation” when in more lively social situations?