What to Do If You Hate Small Talk

One of the reasons many of us find social encounters difficult is that they force into that particular conversational byway called small-talk - where we have to pay a lot of attention to the weather and the upcoming holidays. But what is small talk, why does it exist and how can we learn to navigate it more fruitfully?

FURTHER READING

“A lot of discomfort about going to social engagements is rooted in what can sound like a rather high-minded concern: a hatred of small talk. We can develop a dread of parties because we know how likely we are to end up wedged into conversations about the weather, parking, traffic or the way we plan to spend the forthcoming holidays – when there would be so many deeper and more dignified topics to address: the future of humanity, the fate of the nation, or the melancholy state of our hearts. We resent parties for holding up an ideal of community and dialogue while trapping us in unproductive and insincere banter; for making us more lonely than we ever would be in our own homes.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Gemma Green-Hope

[AqierDesigns]

My problem is that I simply don't care enough to engage myself, yet I do care enough to feel bad for not engaging.

[Bubbles]

It's not the fear of small talk. It's the fear of running into people who all they do is small talk.

[Ureyeuh]

These are my issues with small talk:
1. When I try to split off into a deeper conversation, most people usually seem uninterested and don't want to talk about the deeper topic that resides just below the surface small talk.
2. A lot of social gatherings consist of individuals who place their image above conversation. Who they are seen talking with trumps the conversation regardless of how well it goes. This leads to no opportunity to have any meaningful conversation.

[ryansanteful]

This just made me realize that I don’t hate small talks. I just hate most people.

[centsant]

Stewardess: "Excuse me, sir? Would you like chicken or fish?"
Man A: "Chicken please"
Stewardess: "And you ma'am?"
Woman B: "Same."
Man A: "I see you like chicken as well."
Woman B: "Yeah, since it represents the overpopulation of human in the current society and how we meekly go about our lives in a cycle of eating, working & sleeping; ignoring the fact of the ever-expanding universe, how we are all just dust floating around in the universe which we have seemingly no clue what it's about, and how we all accept death as is, like a chicken, also over-bred to keep a sustainable economy and working society for the later generation who will meet a similar fate like us today. Unless we are at some point famous or infamous for our actions, we, normal chicken, will be forgotten in at least 1000 years, like this post-vessel served in front of us. "Was this soul happy? Sad? Confused? Angry?" you might ask. Other chicken will most likely never know, just like us."
Stewardess: "And what will be your drink?"

[gensour]

"Hi"

"hello"

"how have u been?"

"er.. Great, u"

"good.. Good"

*racks brain for small talk topics*
*finds none*

"OK, bye"

[publiusvelocitor]

I just stay quiet, because nothing seems like it's worth saying, and I don't want to pretend to care about things that I don't care about.

[doriangraye]

Person - "The weather is pretty nice today, isn't it?"
Me - "I want to die."
End of small talk

[dylandrake]

Doing a deep dive in my social anxiety, I found that I hate small talk because it symbolizes meeting new people. And I hate meeting new people out of fear of judgment. Then I further realized that it's not really the judgment of the other person that bothers me, my social anxiety comes from other people observing my one-on-one conversation with another person. People listening in, on my get to know the other person conversations, and their perceived judgment is what makes me the most uncomfortable. Anyone else hate that, or am I just a weirdo?

[robertmacapuno]

That airplane meal escalated very very quickly

[toomuchinformation]

The thing about small talk which is rarely mentioned is how exhausting it is.
Talking about subjects in an insightful, deep and meaningful way is really energising and so the opposite is true.
And trying to adjust to meet unspoken social requirements, if done too often and without awareness, can lead to a diminishing sense of self and accompanying low self esteem (and worsening health)
Call it "The Introverts Dilemma"

[novahynes]

I've no doubt that a confident conversationalist knows how to turn small talk into something meaningful but this video seems to be addressed to those who feel uncomfortable with it, yet it doesn't look at the problem from their perspective. The whole problem of small talk is that it is rather difficult to make it count and only those who are good at communication can achieve something with it. So any advice for those who struggle with communication?

[CharmingNewSociety]

Small talk is not defined by topic of conversation but by shallowness of conversation. Talking of the weather, for example, tends to be considered small talk not because that topic is inherently so, but because of the way people tend to discuss it. As soon as conversation moves from the superficial to something more resonate, it is no longer small talk; even if the topic remains.

Yes, conversations necessarily must begin with a form of small talk as a starting point. This is not the type of small talk people complain about. It is when a lengthy interaction remains trivial or superficial that it becomes tedious and frustrating. Some people are quite happy to talk about nothing for an extended period of time, and resistant to conversation moving out of that territory. This is the type of small talk those who try to avoid it are averse to. Yes, there's still much you can gauge about a person from superficial talk... that doesn't make it any less banal and boring.

[DieSuperNadel]

YES! For switching from boring smalltalk to a deeper conversation you have to be a little brave. But just for like 10 seconds. And mostly i made the experience, that the people really appreciate that small but powerful move.
In the past, it often helped to show myself in a vulnerable way. It is amazing how unexpected deep and honest a conversation can become, when you show a person, that you are also hurting. That we all suffer in a way and that it is normal to struggle.

[andreylucass]

Stay in silence alone and just smile and nod.

[hamzasaleem]

Your channel could add philosophical richness even to eating a bowl of soup

[emilovesu]

Each time school of life uploads im spooked because they answer the thoughts I've been having that exact day. Like today i was just thinking of how much i hate small talk. Wow

[anthonybarnett]

This doesn't tell me what to do if I hate small talk... It just tells why I shouldn't hate it.

[benjamin.misantone]

As an introvert myself, who loves diving into deep conversation, this video spoke to me sooo much.

[metasymplocos]

it's not that I don't like small talk it's just that I HATE being interrogated.... smh