How to AVOID awkward small talk

Small talk is inevitable. And if you hate it, that's okay.

Most people find it awkward because they don't know how to move away from it into deeper conversation.

But I've found that navigating conversations this way has helped me to understand that small talk is what usually leads to deeper talk and without it scaring people away!

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[iVirusYx]

The thing that helped me was the FORD method - Familiy, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams.
Just by having these 4 pillars in mind you can come up with any interesting question to ask about the other person.

[emergingloki]

My stock follow up to the 'good' is a variation on 'great, what's happened to make good?'. Generally works well. I know it sounds odd, but supermarket cashiers are great for this. There's always that standard greeting, but they are often surprised in a good way when someone shows genuine interest in them and their day.

[Purity]

On a more neutral note, I typically ask people "Where are you from?" "What's it like there (follow up from the 1st)" "How long have you lived here?" If they have a child "Do you have more children? What are their ages?" "What do you do for a living?". And always look for areas you have in common when they answer."Oh yes, me too!" Which can lead into a short story etc. The possibilites are ENDLESS! Coming from a lifetime introvert! 🙋🏻‍♀️

[Antilli]

Good advice, but... Don't get stuck in interview mode.

[blbblb]

1.ask them more open-ended questions that you are comfortable
2. Dont concern much if you failed
3. Process: starter -> follow up -> deep
4. Practice a lot

[krystiangorak]

I love Vinh to death and I used to watch him religiously. His courses even though informative offered little to no change and therefore I kept looking for an answer. How many lists of questions for this situation and a billion others can you keep? This person asked a very good questions and gave an amazing context. He said he was afraid every time he spoke. It isn't about working around the fear and remembering 329 questions you can ask but about releasing the fear of interaction and then the curiosity of the other person comes naturally. Vinh is amazing. All his advice here does though is a plaster on top of a big wound that needs to be healed first.

[RafaEl]

I love the questions you proposed. They are splendid. They bring life.

I dont agree with the general idea of "i have to talk". People nowadays are afraid of silence. We dont know how to enjoy silence. We live in a lie that silence is bad. Silence is actually a space. People are afraid of free space so much that they finish putting whatever there so it became like a room filled with clutter. What about enjoying being in silence with others? Instead of forcing ourselves to conversation. Then we get unneeded pieces of information which takes the space in our minds unnecessarily. And fatigue from enforcing unnatural actions. We force ourselves to fight against silence. Silence puts order into our minds.

I think we should ask questions wisely. I dont find personal questions (because usually people decide to ask them) a good choice. It becomes an investigation then.

We should discern wisely. Sometimes it is awesome that someone is talking about themselves. Sometimes it is awesome when they ask the other party about them to show their curiosity. So, lets be wise. 🤗

[polarFX_]

Thank you Vinh, this is exactly the video I was looking for.

[revenge]

My problem is that I am not interested in people. I want to be interested, I want to learn to care because I want to build good relationships. But the problem is that I don't know how to genuinely care: If I ask "Have you anything cool going on today" 99% of the time I dont even care for the answer. And I know that it is horrible but my brain cannot seems to be able to focus on the answers. Any suggestions on how to fix myself?

[abrahamgeorgecreations]

We’re here to LEARN as always MASTER VINH ✅

[KODDeathDealer]

I love how I had an ad for your channel on this video.

[misssayed]

I remember learning to be interested in them, and it got people to connect with me instantly. But then I just started feeling so ignored

[quintencabo]

How is your day going is sooo much better than asking how is it going

[zixardent]

I rarely find interest in other people that I met outside of workplace context.
I think most of small talks are not useful for me.

If possible, I'd rather skip the small talks n continue my work.

[anirudh]

Just thinking about asking these questions to strangers freaks me out😂

[JonathanVachon]

that is exactly why i hate more and more to talk to others. its not that im not interested in others, its just the egotestical thing when people talk about them self all the time. but they never ask me the same question, the not interested in me. im tired to do the efforts all the time

[aaronjiang]

Prepare a list of questions to ask if they enjoy talking about themselves and prepare answers for commonly asked questions if they are good listeners. Always come prepared!

[thejillykilly]

How to draw the line between being curious and being intrusive and invading privacy?

[sallybosch]

I love this! I need it! Starting my list now ❤ thanks Vinh ❤

[spectralassasin]

It's weird how deprived of genuine kindness the society is nowadays that we need to help each other communicate better.

Usually when you act kindly or enthusiastically to someone else, they are likely to think you might have an ulterior motive, and I find that rather sad.

First I usually state my purpose to the person I'm talking to, follow that up with saying exactly what I mean, give a reference that they can relate to (this could be "awkwardness of conversations" for us in this context) and make a little joke, admire something they did (could be simple like clothing or more intricate like personal preference or ideas) and close it off by thanking them for their time. Also don't forget to smile and look into their eyes as you say that.

Yes its not conventional, but hey if it works, it works. 🤔