If You Are Married You Can't Have Friends of the Opposite Gender, They Said... #$h^TTherapistsSay

If You Are Married You Can't Have Friends of the Opposite Gender, They Said... #$h^TTherapistsSay //

Can you be best friends with the opposite gender if you're married? Why would a therapist say you can't be friends with opposite gender? Watch this video is you want to know how to make friends with the opposite gender while creating trust in your relationship.

#MendedLight
#$h^TTherapistsSay
#FriendsOfTheOppositeGender

[freakychick]

I always figured if they weren't dating or sleeping with them before, they're probably not going to start now. That would be really odd. Also my parents did trust each other and they made it 48yrs before she passed. Both had friends of any gender and when at a HS reunion some woman was flirting with my dad while mom was trying to not laugh at her. Eventually she asked for my dad's number and he said, "Sure! See the woman over there in the pink dress?" "Yes" she said. "Well that's my wife and I'm sure she'd love to give you my number." Mom said the look on her face was priceless.

[ladosis]

As a single person who has a lot of married friends, my personal stances are
- that I'm friends with the couple, and I honor them both at all times, even if and maybe especially if I'm not close to with the wife
- if my male friends start comparing their wife to me, that's an immediate stop to the conversation. I'm not particularly fantastic as a woman or anything, but people get frustrated about all kinds of silly or important things, and venting is fine, but if you're telling me and not *her* about it, it's a problem.
- nicknames, one on one meetings and physical contact (hugs, mostly) are ok for me always, but may not be for your SO, so their boundaries apply.
- don't spend time, money or whatever resources on me that you're supposed to spend on your family, and if you're helping me out with whatever, your SO needs to ok it and can withdraw that help whenever they want
- I won't give unsolicited opinions or advice about your relationship, but if you ask me, I'll give it to you straight. I won't take sides (unless there's evidence that someone is not safe), but I won't coddle you or tell you what you want to hear.
- I will NEVER cover for or lie for you to your spouse. Physical, financial, emotional infidelity is never justified. I'll help you leave a bad situation and support you through a breakup, but if you're out of love or whatever, leave the relationship first, *then* sort yourself and find a new partner
- I won't be condescended to or be pitied by your SO because I'm single, and I don't need them to fix me up with anyone. I wont submit to questions or interrogations about my life. I'm happily single and have been for a long while, and will likely remain that way. If that makes people uncomfortable, then we can cool it, but I won't be attacked, singled out or tolerate any disrespect because of it.

[cosmegonzalez]

The problem is most people don't have healthy boundaries, and if they have unknown issues (like seeking attention) then it's a risk. Period.

[GlindaGoodvitch]

I just had this conversation with my boyfriend last week 🤣. Played out almost just like this video. I had a friend come out of the woodwork recently (who is married) who started being a smidge inappropriate and I took my phone directly to my boyfriend, showed him the texts of me shutting that stuff down immediately, and we talked about it. I adore how we can have these conversations in a mature fashion while respecting eachothers boundaries. Videos like yours really make me feel secure and that my relationship is heading in a good direction. Thanks!

[Kereru]

People are quick to label and flag anything that might be jealously or possessiveness, but sometimes that makes it hard to ask for basic levels of consideration and decency. I had a partner who was friends with a woman who he didn't introduce me to until a whole 5 years into our relationship. It got to the point where (while I was away looking after family) he invited her and her whole family around to our apartment for new years eve. It was another two years from then before I met her. I couldn't express any negative feeling about this situation though without being accused of jealousy and paranoia, even though what I was asking for (just to meet her) was entirely normal and reasonable. He would do things like say "yes" just to end a conversation, then not follow through and later say "oh, was that important to you?". I never thought there was anything going on with them (and there wasn't) but the fact that he wasn't cheating on me doesn't mean I wasn't entitled to have some concerns and considerations.

[colleenmarin]

Yes, putting pressure on your partner to be your *everything* is unfair to your relationship. Allow your partner to have friends to vent to, to get advice from, to be friends with, to feel valued outside your home. Maintain a dialogue with your partner on boundaries, to build trust and understanding. My partner might feel defensive if they overheard me venting to my friends; but if I were to vent to my partner, I wouldn't be able to work through the emotion due to their defensive reaction. It's all about balance and boundaries.

[atinyevil]

As a bisexual, I hate this kind of idea. If that were true, I would not be allowed to have ANY friends. And a lot of people think that about queer people, but honestly, I think we (as a whole) have very good boundaries for friends. For example, my friends are my FRIENDS, they are essentially family and I have no romantic feelings for them. There is a hard line in the sand for me between who is a friend and who I have more than friend feelings for.

[sabrinagranger]

Oh I love how you pointed out the difference between finding someone attractive vs. being attracted to them! I definitely have friends and acquaintances that I recognize are attractive, but I don't have an attraction to them and wouldn't be interested. A very important difference.

[SeraphOfTheStone]

Ive been told once by my ex that it was stupid that i didnt feel comfortable with him having dinner with other women. He didnt understand how i felt and he didnt try to make me feel comfortable. Turns out he ended up cheating on me. This is why i dont like when men have dinner or hangout one on one with the opposite gender

[CarlinRobbins]

I feel like a good general guideline to follow is: 1. Trust your partner to manage their own feelings and actions when interacting with others, and to know when to tell you about stuff (and/or talk with them to cooperatively establish these boundaries); 2. If you encounter any relationship situations where you feel even slightly uncomfortable, weirded out, shameful, or guilty, take it as a sign that you and your partner need to talk about the event or underlying relationship issues.

[mykidsaresupercute]

We almost divorced because my husband didn't shut down a coworker who was hitting on him. He allowed the inappropriate texts. I still don't think we are 100% healed from that, may never be.

[signalfire]

I think the only way to properly answer this question is to define what a friendship is to each person first. I think too many people use friend and acquaintance interchangeably. Not every person that you talk to occasionally is a friend. A friendship is a deep, personal bond to me.

[bitchenboutique]

When I met my husband, his three closest friends were women. How could I EVER think that’s a bad thing. He obviously loves and respects women. And he is totally comfortable with my guy friends, because I’m not going anywhere and he knows that.

We aren’t perfect but THAT will never be our issue.

[normalisboring]

And then there's me in a relationship, reminding my partner to visit his friends. I strongly believe that having a live outside of the relationship strengthens the relationship 😊

[djchewmacca]

I didn't have trust issues in the past. My partner made an opposite sex friend whilst taking my youngest daughter swimming. The guy has a daughter roughly the same age. She told me all about him and I was fine about it. She doesn't have many friends as is and it was nice for her to meet up with him. However, a few months down the line I noticed changes in her personality. Phone on silent and wouldn't leave it lying around like she used to before. I later found out that she had been going for days out with him but saying she was at her mams. When I found out I confronted her but she just said he's just a friend. I wanted to meet him but she has never allowed me to. I managed to get this guys number and spoke with him. He didn't realise at the time she was in a relationship because when he asked she said "not really". I've had a really difficult time with this friendship but tried to accept it even though she knows I'm not comfortable with it. About a year or so down the line i found messages between them which seemed kinda flirtatious. As you can imagine I wasn't happy about it. I have been getting ignored and had the silent treatment from my partner in the coming months. Basically wouldn't give me the time of day but she wouldn't regularly talk via text to her "friend" but when I was never around. I finally gave her an ultimatum, either we sort our relationship and you ditch your "mate" or we can't be together. She chose her "friend". What's that say? Am I being too paranoid or what?

[Eniclac]

The problem happens the moment the friend becomes "secret" and you think about that friend more then your spouse, and feel the need to persue this "friend" attention. Marriage first.

[maryannlupus]

One of the things I appreciate most is that you acknowledge non-hetero and non-monogamous relationships and treat them as valid.

[kevinedwards]

I really don't care what anyone thinks about this, not even my wife. We should all be capable of controlling our urges. If not what does that say about us as human beings. It's not good is it. If I want something but can't afford it, I don't go around stealing things.

[emmabunch-benson]

Your wife is so pretty, she’s very unique looking, really gorgeous. Y’all are very cute together & I also think it’s really cool you’re both therapists!

[undeadfroggo]

My partners best friend is a woman, initially I wasn't aware of their dynamic and I felt concerned about how close they were, but now after seeing what they're like together and how much they platonically love each other I've realised there's nothing to be threatened by.