Do you have a 'psychological trust' fund?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[ERICA-qpnp]

This is a great reminder for us to build up our own children's psychological trust fund

[spiritcat]

If I had a money trust fund I wouldn't have tolerated the Narc BS for as long as I did. Money does buy freedom once you figure out you're living with a narcissist. That may not be the case for you but it was for me and many others living with narcs.

[privateprivate]

I’m sad to say, because I know I’ve been taught differently, as per the “money isn’t everything” idea. But I’ve found that the best friend I’ve ever had is money. The amount of stress and strain lack of money has brought me has almost caused me to commit suicide.

Even worse, when I found my mother was narcissistic and was hoping for me to kill myself.

I don’t have a lot of money. My mother was on welfare when she raised us and lack of money is probably responsible for causing me to be smarter, more resourceful and appreciative of what I do have. But once you have a bit it is definitely freeing. To a point, I’ve felt invincible. Because there are always people who, if not outright wishing you ill, do not care about you. You find this out, when you have no money, no job and learn that, even with all those sweet smiles out there, no one cares if life swallows you whole. When you find that includes your own mother, it’s really devastating.

[erinward]

I feel moved and motivated...The permission to be oneself and self-advocation. It's so special to realize that you have the courage, resilience, and strength to become someone who can stand up and get through the struggles. Grit. In the face of narcissism, developing and embodying some of these strengths of character is tremendously difficult and not always linear. This is positive psychology Dr. Ramani. Thank you for the smile.

[annbetz]

Hah! I had the emotional equivalent of Bernie Madoff investment portfolio! I kept "depositing" with my family by being there for them, supporting everyone (even though I am the youngest) thinking mistakenly that this love and care and concern would be there for me when I needed it. No surprise to everyone here, when I needed support NO ONE cared. The emotional investment had vanished--like money given to Madoff, going only to support them along the way and never paying off for me.

[michellewolfe]

Excellent! Thank you for all your videos you have taught me so much thank you so much my life has changed

[sommesoul]

This video is synchronistic as i just seen comments before it was posted about women who have good marriages, money, homes, children and close parents coparenting their children with them. I felt how lucky they were to avoid all what i have been through and going through. It really must be like another world.

[prueaddy-zr]

Yes! I am 65 and am truly beginning to understand what happened to me to lack ability to self care. I am starting after 3 years of listening to you. I looked good outside, yet grew up without that psychological trust fun and felt that not enough and making it for mySelf today. It is challenging and I am grateful beyond words to know it’s real and can be healed allowing trustworthy others to bring me joy being around healthier people at last to mirror my own sweet heart and soul.

[studiogru]

Thank you for this one. Recognizing that having a healthy family-of-origin is a privilege that so many of us do not have is so important in trying to address how access, opportunity, "success", etc. is then structured and framed.

[itsme-dtxb]

Dr Ramani you‘re such a genuis ❤ thank you very much for this one

[aks]

I had searched long for that 'missing piece', the answer to why I couldn't be my whole self. I realized that there is no magic missing piece or remedy and started building and re- inforcing my own inner self's foundation. Thanks to people like you doctor...

[nancybartley]

It is really devastating when you thought you had a psychological trust fund and then realize there was very little, if anything, in the account from the start. In childhood you had just enough pennies (the basics) to keep you alive. In adulthood you slowly realize you have nothing to rely on because no investments were ever made in developing your sense of self-worth. And there is no where to turn for support. You just go on struggling to maintain the basics without any idea how to fit in, to belong somewhere.

[annieesther]

Ironically, the one who helped me kick start my psychological trust fund is a narcissist who often tried to manipulate me with guilt. She had had a very difficult childhood, as many narcissists do, and was very interested in psychology. So, I started becoming interested in psychology as well and I eventually, after 2 decades of reading various psychology books, started understanding narcissism. I went gray Rock long ago, but understood my reluctance to keep her as a friend only several years later. As you have said before, Dr. Ramani, lots of literature explains the issues that narcissists go through, but not the victims. Although I now have a moderate fund, I am still not in touch with her because I don't know if she understands why I stopped talking to her.

[kelleclark]

My husband is third generation trust funder and his WHOLE family is miserable...alcoholics, drug users, suicide, multiple divorces...money is NOT security, stability or equal happiness! They have no sense of self-worth and the guilt they grew up with is so destructive!

[MichaelSkinner-ej]

I have my friends that I’ve made throughout the years, and my family.

As far as money, I have nothing. I have a few hundred dollars saved, and I have to try and make my rent. I’m literally hoping I can have a few extra days just so I can get paid and cover rent:-/

[LMLewis]

In early adulthood, I was fortunate to encounter people who offered emotional and material support. I gradually realized that we don't have to settle for the family we inherit: We can create one from friends and/or distant family members who have qualities one's birth family lacked. It's similar to "finding your tribe, " but the relationship is closer. The greatest difficulty for narcissism survivors may be in believing that such people exist. But, indeed, there are people with healthy families willing to open their hearts to others who were not as fortunate. (Note: Their support was not solicited but offered of their own accord.) An older couple, who treated me like one of their own children, even offered me a cemetery plot in their family plot so that I would not end up unmourned and forgotten in some remote place. Their support was a watershed moment in my life.

[meowmeow]

Thank you so much for your wisdom and teachings Dr. Ramani. You are an inspiration and a hope for me. God Bless You.

[Greenwings]

Every boundary you have to set, every jerky thing that comes at you, is all aging. It's all work. There is a finite amount of that fight in most people. I'm not sure what endows that psychological trust fund. At a certain age is it still teaching you grit or just grinding away at your existence? I think abusers and users like to think that what they're doing is actually good for you. It will build up YOUR grit, which will help you be more of a bank for THEIR use.

[ragacats]

When my parents finally died, it was such an emotional relief. I inherited money and was finally no longer impoverished for the first time in my life. What am I using the money for? THERAPY to clean up the mess

[jjvid]

yes! a "psychological trust fund" what an awesome analogy! Worth more than ANY financial trust fund!

And, absolutely!! haha! at the 2:53 mark @DoctorRamani I love how, as always, you have the insight to cut the BS off at the pass: "listen, I know some of you are gonna say your whole 'poor little rich person'...🤣